integ

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Posts by integ

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  27

  More fun with witness urban myths.....

  by integ in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i have heard many urban myths associated with the watchtower society and its hapless adherents.

  i like the one where an "interested one" accepted the invitation to attend the memorial one year, and sat next to a "sister" who let the confused attendee use her bible to look up scriptures as they were presented.

  afterword, the "sister" walked the man up to the circuit overseer, who had delivered the talk that year, and introduced the dupe-filled "study" to the co. the co complimented the man on his spiritual interest and asked what impelled him to come up and talk to him.

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  integ

  ..here's another one:

  I heard that a smurf slowly walked out of the mens' restroom at a kingdom hall, and quietly took a seat and started looking up scriptures, then abruptly, and without cause or provocation, slowly walked toward the podium, wherein the speaker stopped in midsentance and told the smurf pointedly; "get the hell outta here!" Then the smurf said ; 'f-you buddy ' . Then the smurf ran up to the speaker and bit his crotch. The speaker started screaming in agony till the smurf finally let go. But not before taking a piece of the hapless speakers pants with him. As the smurf was walking back down the aisle, he started flipping off everybody, with a scowl on his face, and the fabric from the speakers pants still clenched tightly between his little smurf teeth. The smurf then turned around and ran at full speed toward the stage, spit the fabric out of his mouth, and started mercilessly kicking the fallen speaker in the groin. The smurf then grapped the microphone and attempted to give an impromptu bible reading, when the attendants finally decided to join the fray. The attendants were unable to grab the elusive smurf, who proceeded to run out of the hall. But not before stopping in the library to call for a taxi ride "home". Five minutes later, a carload of apostates came by and picked him up. The hall was never the same after that.

  Integ.
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  27

  More fun with witness urban myths.....

  by integ in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i have heard many urban myths associated with the watchtower society and its hapless adherents.

  i like the one where an "interested one" accepted the invitation to attend the memorial one year, and sat next to a "sister" who let the confused attendee use her bible to look up scriptures as they were presented.

  afterword, the "sister" walked the man up to the circuit overseer, who had delivered the talk that year, and introduced the dupe-filled "study" to the co. the co complimented the man on his spiritual interest and asked what impelled him to come up and talk to him.

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  integ

  I have heard many urban myths associated with the Watchtower Society and its hapless adherents. I like the one where an "interested one" accepted the invitation to attend the memorial one year, and sat next to a "sister" who let the confused attendee use her bible to look up scriptures as they were presented. Afterword, the "sister" walked the man up to the Circuit Overseer, who had delivered the talk that year, and introduced the dupe-filled "study" to the CO. The CO complimented the man on his spiritual interest and asked what impelled him to come up and talk to him. The man replied; "the lady I was sitting with.....where did she go?" The CO, looking perplexed, said; "You came up to me alone...and I was wondering why there was an empty seat next to you during the meeting". The man obviously progressed in the truth and was baptized. Any other good ones to share????

  Integ.
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  26

  Wacky quote about not killing DFd people

  by rebel8 in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  this is one of my fave quotes from the bizarre wt archives.

  it illustrates how underhanded they are.

  although this is an ?older?

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  integ

  we can take action against apostates only to a certain extent, that is, consistent with both sets of laws. The law of the land and God's law through Christ forbid us to kill apostates, even though they be members of our own flesh-and-blood family relationship

  Bring it on beotccccchh....
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  26

  I am the world's worst dancer

  by Dustin in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i just wanted everyone to know that this is the concllusion i have come to.

  i have been trying to improve my dancing lately, but the harder i try the worse it gets.

  have you ever seen elaine dance on seinfeld?

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  integ

  I robbed a convenience store today.

  Integ.
• 
  30

  Who will partake this year/tonight of the wine and bread?

  by PinTail in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i remember being told if you partake of the emblems and not be of the anointed the bad things will happen you or at the very least christ will be real made at you.

  i have always believed the witness's to be presumptuous on their part of this issue to make such a statement, who are they to say who should and who should not.

  does not the bible/christ, say to do this always in remembrance of me, concerning his followers are we not his followers?

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  integ

  Heathen,

  I'm the one driving the car.

  Integ.
• 
  30

  Who will partake this year/tonight of the wine and bread?

  by PinTail in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i remember being told if you partake of the emblems and not be of the anointed the bad things will happen you or at the very least christ will be real made at you.

  i have always believed the witness's to be presumptuous on their part of this issue to make such a statement, who are they to say who should and who should not.

  does not the bible/christ, say to do this always in remembrance of me, concerning his followers are we not his followers?

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  integ

  Heathen and MJ,

  I apologize.....I thought everyone knew how weird I am. If you read some of my other posts you will realize that I sometimes take a devils advocate role and start spouting off JW rhetoric for no apparent reason. I realize I need serious help. Sorry for any misunderstanding.

  Love,

  Integ.
• 
  30

  Who will partake this year/tonight of the wine and bread?

  by PinTail in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i remember being told if you partake of the emblems and not be of the anointed the bad things will happen you or at the very least christ will be real made at you.

  i have always believed the witness's to be presumptuous on their part of this issue to make such a statement, who are they to say who should and who should not.

  does not the bible/christ, say to do this always in remembrance of me, concerning his followers are we not his followers?

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  integ

  The bread and wine are only for those who have the heavenly calling. It is a very personal relationship between our Master Christ Jesus and his annointed followers. At the "last supper" as it is commonly referred to in Christendom, our Superlative Exemplar commanded his disciples to partake of the emblems. THEY ARE NOT INTENDED FOR THOSE WHO HAVE AN EARTHLY HOPE. The best those of you who are of the great crowd, or who aspire to assist those of this Heavenly class can achieve, is that of having the privilage of assisting the Holy Ones, (as represented by the Governing Body of Jehovahs Witnesses) in spreading the life saving message of the "good news of coming destruction" to honest hearted ones in the ministry.

  With warm Christian Love,

  Integ,
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  11

  watchtower

  by myelaine in

  1. watchtower
  2. scandals

  the new mag doesn't proclaim itself as the watchtower and it has no date on the front.

  i think it could get lost in the pile of newspapers and fliers at my house.

  any thoughts on the new look?

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  integ

  That's awesome. Very faith strengthening. I can't wait till we get to study that.

  Agape,

  Integ.
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  10

  Anyone know of Major newspapers that reported the UN debacle?

  by AK - Jeff in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i know about the guardian articles, and the un press release, ect.

  but did any major paper carry an article that i could see the archive to?

  i suspect that if such happened i would know about it already, but just in case i missed it.

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  integ

  Okay, not be a party pooper, but that article in the Guardian definitely SOUNDS like the National Enquirer to me. It comes off as very biased. I couldn't imagine a major American newspaper like the Washington Post with the headline "Hypocrite Catholics say child molestation is wrong". Unless........it was an independant editorial piece or something. Showing that to the average dub would just sound like an attack. I would have preferred to see a more objective title like "Jehovahs Witnesses under fire". Or something to that effect. Makes it sound more legitimate. The average dub will just see Satan as the author of that article.

  Integ.
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  38

  Please help......I am going to the Memorial!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  by whyamihere in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i am going to the memorial because i am still confused and stressed and discombobulated on the jw issue.

  i know in my heart it is "not" the truth.

  my family keeps stopping by unannouced and seeing if i am going.

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  integ

  Brooke,

  I would say "Hi. Nice to see you too" And then suddenly look in the other direction as if you see someone you know, then walk in that direction. Then act like you saw someone leaving and act like you want to catch them before they get to their car. Then when you are outside, scurry as fast as you can to your car. I have a lot of experience in this.

  Integ.