(NOTE: This post turned out to be a lot longer than I anticipated.)
This thread brings up some memories!
I was too young to make any decision when my parents became JW. I did really want to please God. So if mom and dad thought that this was the way to go, I was all for it. I really trusted them (as a child should be able to do). BUT, I was SO embarrassed when I had to go door-to-door. It was even worse when I encountered friends from school at their homes.
I had a hard time in school, mostly with the teachers, all of my life except for the last 3 years of high school. Well, even then I had problems with some teachers but that was because of my intransigence on some issues such as military service, whether or not Jesus actually turned water into wine (teacher was a Seventh Day Invention), and over witchcraft. Teacher was a really good history teacher. He had even spent personal time with me to teach me the basics of Russian. So, he was really angry and disappointed when I told him that under no circumstances would I read or do a report on witchcraft. He failed me, gave me an "F" on the course. The idea of college had already been knocked out of my head.
I became very rebellious in my last 2 years of high school to the point of moving out of my parent's house at 16. The local cong. didn't like it but I'm still glad I did it in a way. I was very embarrassed about being a witness but by this time was really indoctrinated so my social life was confused at best. I did well on a sports team and gained a measure of popularity. I loved this part of school.
My friends were clued into the basics of the JWs and "protected" me from doing things they knew I would get in trouble for doing. The only exception was drinking. I did a lot of it. And it continued througout my 4 years at Bethel and beyond. I was even reproved for it in Bethel but, what could they do? "Everyone" (with few exceptions) did it. They just sort of ignored it.
When I stopped going to meetings after 1973, I was very embarrassed about having been a witness. I took a stand on being drafted and even told the Draft Board in Texas that they could do what they wanted but that there was no way I would serve in any capacity. I let them know where they could find me and prison would be fine. They didn't draft me and I never had any intention of going to Canada or Mexico. I was very sure of myself.
On a personal note, I never have regretted my decision not to do military service. I still wouldn't. BUT, I never looked down on those that did and was horrified by the treatment they received when they came home. I have never tried to talk anyone out of military service and still wouldn't. For me it has always been a matter of conscience. Funny side note: my profession is the martial arts.
For almost 30 years I have been ashamed of my past association with the WT. I would go to great lengths not to reveal it to anyone. It had to do with my own perception of the WT, as well as things I saw them do. Since I didn't associate with any ex-JWs, at least not on purpose, who were "healing"; I just kept to myself. I looked at them as whiners and complainers and couldn't see why they had to dwell on the WT. That is not how I feel now. I thought I was basically alone and was raised to depend on myself. I also thought my experiences were "unique". So, I supersticiously, did not want to "stumble" someone from the Truth. For a long time I allowed as how it could be the Truth.
The single best tool that has ever come into my life is the Internet. Seeing the things that have been done to you all and to many innocent people has helped me to "come out".
I still don't go out of my way to inform everyone of what I was. However, if it is germain to the conversation and might help in some way, I don't hesitate. In my case, it has a lot to do with maturing (something that also was retarded by my indoctrination as a young boy). Seems like when I hit 50, I just dont take any crap anymore. I'm a late bloomer. And I do find a lot of good after-effects from having been a witness.
I'm no longer ashamed. But I am embarrassed at how slowly I matured as a man.
It also helps them understand why the heck I am so dysfunctional (or at least it is a handy excuse for me to use for being so socially inept).
Xena, this is still a problem for me. I move in 3 separate cultures, Mexican, American and Japanese and still feel tremendously inept. I avoid social situations like the plague. Exception: functions in my martial arts school where I can direct the activity. There, I have no reservations and know exactly what to do (socially) at all times. Sometimes I think it is sad. However, I have my niche, I get to travel some, and I try to be helpful.
My life just keeps getting better.
Marcos
