Posts by KariOtt

12

Why I never escape abuse....part 3

by KariOtt in

now i am in rehab.

45 days inpatient.

the program was a 28 day but i had to play my social service caseworkers game.

I will give my husband the divorce he wants

by losingit in

jw
friends

not because i agree with him.

because i do not want the divorce.

but because i love him and i want to respect him.

You have my sympathy and friendship if you want it. I expect it when my hubby returns from the kh or service work and says the watchtower said you must divorce your unbelieving spouse. Even though my life is hell I don't want a divorce. I made a commitment with my vows. I have always fullfilled my comitments.

12

Why I never escape abuse....part 3

by KariOtt in

now i am in rehab.

45 days inpatient.

the program was a 28 day but i had to play my social service caseworkers game.

KariOtt

jgnat.... I don't know why he has such a hold on me. My son is 27 and wont work clamming health reasons. Since I feel he is old enough to support himself We no longer support him. So as he put it I am dead to him until the next time he wants something. He lives with my dad mooching his life away. On the rare times he does work he takes care of his wants before his needs. Since his wants cost more than he usually has his needs are never met. Thats where grandpa comes to his rescue. I quit telling my dad to stop giving him everything he wants. More on my son tomorrow in part 4.

12

Why I never escape abuse....part 3

by KariOtt in

now i am in rehab.

45 days inpatient.

the program was a 28 day but i had to play my social service caseworkers game.

KariOtt

Now I am in rehab. 45 days inpatient. The program was a 28 day but I had to play my social service caseworkers game. She said 45 days in, so the center said I could stay. They didn't mind as they were charging me $250.00 a day. I had no insurance so I was put on a payment plan. I had a blast there. I ran into an old charge nurse and my bailbonds man. I kept him on retainer to make sure I never spent a night in jail. When I got out I never argued at the fact my caseworker was bulling me. She made me stay in the same alcohol class that ran for 32 weeks for 5 years. The class met once a week and cost $75.00 per class. She also had me on UA's twice a week and had someone show up at my home once a week for a breathalizer. That was free. I also had to attend an AA meeting once a week. For 5 years! She let my son return to me after 6 months. I had planned on staying sober only long enough to get full costody of my son back and move out of the state. Some where inbetween I was no longer staying sober for my son and for me. I remained sober for 17 years until last June when I had yet another fight with my hubby over his growing reinvolvement with the witnesses. I drank a lot over 2 days before I attempted suicide again and failed. I checked myself into a psych ward. We all know how jw's feel about psych help and I was discharged after 2 days. I was able to get 3 out patient sessions before an end was put on that. God forbid I reveal anything about the witnesses. I am not a witness but that didn't matter. I was able to get an excelent assessment. With that and the therapist recomendations my primary care doctor put me on 3 different antidepressants, an anti anexity, 2 different drugs to help keep my mind from racing, and a stromg sleeping pill. Since my eating habits suck he advised my to take a multi vitamin. I also take a thyroid medication since my thyroid was removed due to cancer. More on that hell tomorrow night.

part 4 tomorrow

Sorry this is so long and taking several days to finsh.

4

Why I can never escape abuse...part 2

by KariOtt in

she came home for a long weekend.

since i was working 2 jobs and going to school mom wanted to keep my son all weekend so my sister could spend as much time with my son as possiable.

durring the weekend my 2 year threw a temper tantrum.

KariOtt

How I came into possession of the letter I'll never know. Over the year he live 5 door down from me he emotionally abused me every chance he got. When his lease was up the manager refused to renew his lease telling him that no one in the complex liked him and everyone loved me. YEA! He still followed me every chance he got. He even showed up at my graduation from nursing school. I have to brag that I graduated number 1 with a 99.6%. I have always known that I have a genius IQ. I can't spell for beans. Dyslexia. Anyway it took 2 more years of ex-boyfriends harrassments before he found someone else to abuse. I so wanted to tell her who he really was but it took to long to be free of him and I didn't want him back harrassing me. I had the phone company change my number 27 times in almost 3 years. I never knew what my number was anymore it had changed more often than people changed their underwear. I still feel bad I never told her. I was so far gone seeing no happiness in my future I attempted suicide. The state commited me to the state mental hosiptal. My dad had a feeling social services would come take my son away so he put him on a plane to Alaska to stay with my grandma. 10 minutes after my dad got home from the airport scoial services came for my son. Since my dad got him out of the state they had no athority to take my son. Great move on my dads part. I temained boyfriend free until I went into rehab to sober up. I was an extreamly high functioning alcoholic. By the time I was 9 years old I was substuting vodka for milk in my lunch box thermose.

Part 3 tomorrow

4

Why I can never escape abuse...part 2

by KariOtt in

she came home for a long weekend.

since i was working 2 jobs and going to school mom wanted to keep my son all weekend so my sister could spend as much time with my son as possiable.

durring the weekend my 2 year threw a temper tantrum.

KariOtt

2 years zfter I moved into my dads apartment my sister moved to New Mexico. She came home for a long weekend. Since I was working 2 jobs and going to school Mom wanted to keep my son all weekend so my sister could spend as much time with my son as possiable. Durring the weekend my 2 year threw a temper tantrum. In the middle of his tantrum she asked him if mommy was taking good care of him. He screamed no and contiuned his tantrum. That was all she needed. When she returned to New mexico she called social services on me. This was the first of dozens of calls from her. Mom supported her decision. I would later find out that several doctors told my sister that it would be unlikely she would ever concieve a child of her own. My sister wanted my son as he was "blood" and she had no plans to adopt a child outside of blood. She was granted temporary coustody a few times but the courts saw through her BS and returned coustody back to me. The last time she called social services on me when we got to court the judge told her in no uncertian terms to leave me and my son alone and quit filling false reports about me. Finally! When my son was 7 moms doctors told her she had lung and brain cancer. When her doctors said the tumor in her brain was to deep to operate and radiation wasn't shrinking the tumor enough I knew she was terminal. No one will ever know how happy I was that she was dying and painfully at that. I love karma. She died exactally 4 months to the day the doctors said she had cancer. By this time I had moved out of my dads and into another boyfriends home. Man its so true about Germans and their tempers. He beat the crap out of me daily. I finally left him after a fight one night and instead of hitting me knowing it no longer affected me like it used to. He went into my sons room and woke him out of a dead sleep and beat the crap out of my son. I was gone the next day. Only took me 2.5 hours to get the U Hall, load it, drive it across town, unload it and return the U Hall. 7 days later he moved into the same complex 5 doors down. When I was packing up my stuff I found a letter mom had written my dad informing him that she took great pride in allowing the abuse and the hold she had over my dad knowing she could lock him up for it.

15

Why I can never escape abuse

by KariOtt in

i have been abused in some way or another my entire life.

my dad started molesting me when i was 3 years old.

he physically molested me until i was 16 and we moved into a new house where i had a lock on my door.

KariOtt

Zeb.... no they were not jw. Dad is catholic and mom was a aitheist. Mom died in 1993. Dad is still alive.

15

Why I can never escape abuse

by KariOtt in

i have been abused in some way or another my entire life.

my dad started molesting me when i was 3 years old.

he physically molested me until i was 16 and we moved into a new house where i had a lock on my door.

KariOtt

Now After I put my son up for adoption I relized what a mistake it was and that it really wasn't my decision anyway I called the agency and made arrangements to get my son back. It was easy because no papers had been signed. Since I was still living with my mom she told me that I would have to find my own place to live. Since mom and dad had finally divorced and dad had bought an apartment building and he never wanted me to give his grandson away to begin with. I told him what I did and mom kicking me out for getting my son back dad gave me a 1050 square apartment to live in. Free. This was the 1st of many great things he did to gain my forgiveness. We even went through counsling together. Yes I have forgiven him. Many find that feat remarkable. Though counsling I saw remorse and disgust at what he had done to me. After I worked through the issues with my dad my therapist thought it was time to get my mom in counsling with me. That only amounted to 1 session to wich she used the whole session blaming me for suducing her husband and distroying her marrage. My therapist told me that mom would never be in a session with me again. That she felt that she did nothing wrong and until she relized she was wrong and not me therapy with her would be a waist of time, money and energy.

I'll finsh my story tomorrow.

15

Why I can never escape abuse

by KariOtt in

i have been abused in some way or another my entire life.

my dad started molesting me when i was 3 years old.

he physically molested me until i was 16 and we moved into a new house where i had a lock on my door.

KariOtt

I have been abused in some way or another my entire life. My dad started molesting me when I was 3 years old. He physically molested me until I was 16 and we moved into a new house where I had a lock on my door. With my door locked at night I no longer recieved late night visits from my dad. When I was 5 I told my mom about the game I played with daddy. Mom didn't stop it. When dad found out that that mom wasn't going to do anything to stop him he kicked it up a notch and would molest me while mom was in the same room watching. Dad also physically, emotionally and spiritually abused me. I remember I was a hard core thumb sucker and dads way to break the habit for me was to break my thumb. Now mom wasn't any angel. She beat the crap out of me every chance she got with wooden spoons. It wasn't until I was 40 that I could even have wooden spoons in my house. I threw moms spoons in the fireplace every time she replaced them. I easily burned over 100 wooden spoons. When I was 16 I came home on the last day of school to my bags packed and a one way ticket to Alaska to live with my grandmother. When they found out how happy I was the promptly sent a one way ticket home. Mom also emotionally and spiritually abused me. My older brother and younger sister were more of my abusers physically, emotionally and spiritually as well. I can remember my brother hitting me in the head with a baseball bat and I got in trouble. There was a 2 year period where I was in the ER for another injury weither it was a broken bone or stiches. My sister is 10 months and 10 days younger than I am. She was the pretty one. I am not never have been. In fact I am what some would consider homely. I never had a date until I was 19. No homecomming, no prom, I couldn't even get a date for the sadie hawkins dance. My sister on the other hand always had one. Every big dance mom jumped at the oppertuinity rub it in. Making me go dress shopping with them, praiding my sister around in front of my bragging about how pretty she was all the while telling me I had to due better in school because I was to ugly to land a husband. I would need an education to support myself. Now lets jump to when I was 20. I had a boyfriend. We moved in together. Thats when his sexual abuse started. He liked to swing. Forced me to swing. I can't tell you how many STD's I got. When I came home after 6 weeks living together I came home early and found him in bed with another man. All our swinging never included same sex. I knew there was no way I would ever be able to satisfy him sexually and Aids had just come onto the front burner. I no longer wished to be with this man. I had no idea I was pregnant. When my mom found out I was pregnant she and my grandmother pushed me everyday to abort the baby. When it became to late for an abortion They went into a daily routine to put the baby up for adoption. Which I did.

10

A big shout out to Simon-JWN my new days text !!!!!

by 70wksfyrs in

dear simon,.

i want to give you a great big public thank you!!!!.

jwn has been instrumental in my deprogramming.

KariOtt

Yes a big thank you to Simon.