I will give my husband the divorce he wants

losingit

Not because I agree with him. Because I do not want the divorce. But because I love him and I want to respect him. He is my husband . This will be my final act as a submissive JW wife.

Oubliette

losingit, perhaps you posted the background elsewhere, but I missed it.

Why would you do this?

You missed the background because I haven't really posted anywhere in any definitive post what's going on. I've spread my story around in various posts all over the forum. Every time I begin to write my story, I delete it. I am just too ashamed. The guilt consumes me, and I don't dare to openly complain against my husband (soon to be ex husband) on this public forum in one fell swoop.

Why would I do this?....

Because he refuses to accept any responsibility for the physical and emotional abuse that took place the last 2 years of the relationship. He won't talk about it, barely acknowledges it, only to say that I exaggerate or that he really didn't do anything, that it was all of my fault in the first place. he doesn't even come close to accepting or knowing just how sick and twisted JWism is, even though he himself is df'd. I am stuck. I can't find a way to fix things at all. I've tried examining things from so many different angles and approaching him with all of them. He knocks each one down. He won't come back.

And, since he is placing the fault on me, shouldn't I just accept it as a submissive wife? Since he is wanting a divorce from me, shouldn't I comply as a submissive wife?

The fact of the matter is that the depression I am suffering is so bad that I just missed a major deadline for very important paperwork. And even though I found a way around it today, I can't even manage to muster the will to begin the process of complying with requirements for this deadline. And I have to-- for the future of my girls, and for my own sake as well.... But I'm stuck, I don't know know how. I need a push, but from where? Who will help me?... I need to move on from this mess, and he is requiring it from me. Life is requiring it from me.

He refuses to go to marriage counseling, even though I have repeatedly begged him to go with me now for 2 years. We went four times, wayyyyy in the beginning of the end, and after each of those four times he either got drunk, destroyed furniture, turned against me violently, or insulted me so badly I was left to pieces. I keep thinking that maybe, just maybe, if we were to talk about what happened, what went wrong, that we could work things out and be a family again. It's just not going to happen. I don't know how to make it happen.

I'm pulled into this cycle where I interpret a look from him as longing for me. A different tone in his voice means that he misses me. He insists they don't mean those things. That he wants absolutely nothing to do with me. He flirts with me. He tried to sext me. Then the next day is, it was a horrible joke or a terrible misunderstanding. Why do I take things so seriously? Because I want my family, and I want my marriage. I'm being toyed with. I need to accept that.

Basically, he wants to blame me entirely. Everything he does can be explained away. My actions, my explanations-- they are all excuses. And as a submissive wife, I have to take the blame. It will be my last act as a JW. That's what he wants, and because I love him, I will give it to him.

Makes no sense, I know....

clarity

Losingit ....."I'm being toyed with".

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Ya you are!

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Why are you being so passive ....screw the SUBMISSIVE WIFE crap!

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That will get a woman into big trouble, that will get you taken advantage of,

that could get you killed!

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I know ... biggest mistake of my life "submissive to his stupid stuff"...

there again ...the borg strikes! Elders/gb are big on this stuff!!!!!

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He is pushing you around and ringing your chimes Losingit .........

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STAND UP FOR YOURSELF and stop running on emotion alone!!!!!

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Think LIKE A MAN ....may be good advice in this case.

Look after the welfare of you and your kids.

He is a big boy, h e can look after himself!

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Hope this helps ... it comes from the experience of living a long time

clarity

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losingit

Clarity-- thank you

I don't like thinking like a man, feels soooo cold....

But when I do, it feels GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

So I really should with a vengeance, for my sake and my girls' sake

I need to get on with my life and protect myself, set up my future for success and happiness

Oubliette

Losingit: And, since he is placing the fault on me, shouldn't I just accept it as a submissive wife? Since he is wanting a divorce from me, shouldn't I comply as a submissive wife?

No. You should end this relationship for your physical, mental and emotional health. He is clearly an abuser.

jgnat

It is going to take a while after you leave him before you start feeling like yourself. Remind me, then, and I will give you examples of strong women, 100% women, who are not doormats. I'd like to replace that image in your mind.

In the meantime, one step in front of the other.

I think your body got stuck on that important paperwork because you were stuck in this abusive cycle. You should unfreeze now to get done those things that need doing.

stillin

I wonder if he has something going on the side. You wouldn't need much to tighten the screws.

Just sayin.

losingit

jgnat

I am just so scared. I have made so many mistakes. I just want to hide from the world. I figure that's the best way to stop making mistakes and to stop getting hurt.

But at the same time, I so desperately want to be happy and finally be me. I am all over the place.

When I was a little girl, I used to love Harriet Tubman. I thought she was so brave, so courageous! When I became a JW, the first person I thought of that I would like to meet in the resurrection was Harriet Tubman. The friends in the congregation thought I was crazy. I should want to meet someone in the Bible. LOL. Not me! Nope! I wanted to meet Harriet Tubman. I had my list of questions prepared. She, to me, is the epitome of a strong woman.

I do need a good reminding to be brave, courageous, and strong... I will happily ask you for those reminders...

adamah

Losingit, he's toying with you, but realize that you're allowing him to. Quit playing games with your life.

You know what you need to do, not only for yourself, but ESPECIALLY for your child. These cycles WILL simply repeat and perpetuate in the next generation(s), and only you can be the one to stand up to say, "no more...." Channel Harriet Tubman, if you like, asking yourself what Harriet Tubman would do in your situation. That's how many people gain courage, by assuming another identity.

Adam

I will give my husband the divorce he wants

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