madison149

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Posts by madison149

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  20

  Disassociating inactive ones?

  by madison149 in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  a few days ago someone wrote about a new rule that came out in elders school this summer about inactive ones still being accountable to jehovah's (watchtower) rules.

  does this mean that they are going to start disassociating ones who have been inactive for years who are not upholding the rules?

  i know of a few people who have not attended meeting in several years who either celebrate holidays or in other ways break the rules and everybody knows it.

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  madison149

  What if you just never meet with them? Can they DA you without talking to you first?
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  20

  Disassociating inactive ones?

  by madison149 in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  a few days ago someone wrote about a new rule that came out in elders school this summer about inactive ones still being accountable to jehovah's (watchtower) rules.

  does this mean that they are going to start disassociating ones who have been inactive for years who are not upholding the rules?

  i know of a few people who have not attended meeting in several years who either celebrate holidays or in other ways break the rules and everybody knows it.

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  madison149

  A few days ago someone wrote about a new rule that came out in elders school this summer about inactive ones still being accountable to Jehovah's (Watchtower) rules. Does this mean that they are going to start disassociating ones who have been inactive for years who are not upholding the rules? I know of a few people who have not attended meeting in several years who either celebrate holidays or in other ways break the rules and everybody knows it. Nothing is done to them because it has been so long since they've attended that they're not really considered witnesses in the community anymore. So does this new rule mean that the elders are going to start tracking these people down?

  I just started the fade away a few months ago, moved to a new town hoping for some anonymity, although my mom (not knowing at all how I feel) has informed the elders of my new address. Anyway, this sounds like it will make the fade, and especially any hopes of living a normal life, very difficult. Unless you don't mind getting da'd, which I'd hoped to avoid since my whole family is still in.

  Can anyone provide more info? Thanks!
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  38

  Question for fade-aways.

  by bay64me in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  well, i panicked, i prepared and had excuses ready.

  strategies and contingency plans up and running.

  i have been awaiting, nay willing my "inactive persons' shepherding call" (whatever) and it hasn't happened yet!.

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  madison149

  ***The Elders school last summer made it crystal clear that no matter how long one has been inactive, that person is still under "God's" (translation: "Watchtower") laws. This is a complete turnabout from the Flock book in which elders could consider how long a person has been inactive before they DA'd.

  Are you for real!!!? I thought if you'd drifted away and hadn't attended meetings for several years, you could pretty much do what you wanted with no repercussions. So that's changed? I know quite a few people that are living however they want, for example--a former MS with a live-in girlfriend, but he hasn't attended meetings in so long that nobody does anything about it. So are they going to go after him?
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  33

  I AM SAD AND NEED SUPPORT

  by Scarlet in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  my family has decided to shun me.

  last week my brother and my husband got in a heated debate and finally my brother asked him why he doesn't believe in the jw's and he said because there religion is based on a lie.

  well my parents found out and now have decided the best thing to do is shun me.

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  madison149

  Scarlet . . . I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you. I'm glad you have at least some contact with your sister--sounds like she will be there for you no matter what. Please keep posting to let us know how you're doing.
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  43

  My grandma

  by Vivamus in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  my grandma was a remarkable woman, with a sense of humour that could crack me up.

  and she had the determination to make everything she started a success.

  she never gave up, and fought for everything she hold dear.

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  madison149

  I'm so very sorry about your grandmother. The picture you posted of her was wonderful, thank you for sharing that. I lost my grandmother recently also, and part of my heart went with her. I'm so glad you could be with her, she must have known how loved she was.
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  102

  What Was The 1st Thing That Made You Question?

  by minimus in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  as a youngster raised in the "truth", i had my questions.

  but anytime you ask a question that is unanswerable, you are told to just wait on jehovah.

  as time passes, i believe that we store up a number of unanswerable questions that forces one to eventually think about everything.

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  madison149

  Feeling that women were treated as inferior. I'm not even necessarily a huge feminist or anything, but I read some article from the 1960s in the Awake called "What About the Education of Women" or something like that. It said that even though women might be smart enough for college, it would only raise false hopes and in the end would only end up being a disappointment, when a woman realized she couldn't use anything she learned at college while at home being a wife and mother or out in the ministry. (I would love to find that article and read it again just for laughs.) Anyway, I was appalled, and that was my first major doubt. There are numerous other examples of sexist thinking from the WTS and even from the Bible (such as the blood cloth to prove the virginity of a woman, which she could be stoned without), which were a major cause of "stumbling" for me, but they would take too long to list in detail.

  I also always resented their negative view of higher education, especially after giving up a few scholarships, which I still hold a grudge about to this day.

  After that, it was the change of position on blood fractions and the meaning of "this generation".

  Then it was the way I was treated when trying to get reinstated. This is a long story, but my appeals for reinstatement were grueling, I was put off for no good reason. Finally, the circuit overseer was brought in and a least one elder lied to him. I understand the CO got things straightened out, and soon after I was reinstated. However, after seeing the mind games and the lack of human compassion on the part of some (SOME JW's were actually very kind to me during the whole ordeal), I just lost all motivation to be a JW. While I was DF'd (18 months), I realized how cruel the shunning thing was, and I knew if I ever got reinstated, I would never ever be able to shun anyone again. I had always hated the shunning, especially since my sister has been df'd for many, many years, but I had always obeyed like a good little girl, NO MORE.

  After that, I got on the internet, and then it was just all over. I'm so so screwed, because there's no going back for me now. My whole family is in (except for the one sister) and so I'm just fading out and keeping my mouth shut about all the things that I disagree with.
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  4

  what to tell mommy

  by madison149 in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  for any of you that faded away from jws without getting df'd or da'd, what excuse did you give your close (jw) family members for why you stopped attending meetings?

  did you let on that you were having doubts about the organization, did you pretend to be just really spiritually weak, or were you just very vague, saying you were really busy or having heath problems, etc?

  i ask because my mom is forever on my case about attending meetings.

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  madison149

  Hi, again. For any of you that faded away from JWs without getting DF'd or DA'd, what excuse did you give your close (JW) family members for why you stopped attending meetings? Did you let on that you were having doubts about the organization, did you pretend to be just really spiritually weak, or were you just very vague, saying you were really busy or having heath problems, etc?

  I ask because my mom is FOREVER on my case about attending meetings. I go about 3 times a month, and so far, I've been extremely vague with her . . . having cramps, not feeling well, the kids are coming down with something, etc. I feel ridiculous being 31 years old and having to answer to my mom, but she really lets me have it! She starts with being really nice, volunteering to help me in any way possible to get me to the meetings. If that doesn't work, she gradually turns it up to the point where she's telling me "it means your life and the life of your children" and "don't you want to see your dad in the resurrection?!" (My dad died when I was 16.) No pressure there!

  I admit, I've always had a hard time standing up for myself in most situations, but this situation seems to be the hardest. I really just don't want to hurt her, and she is so wrapped up in the JW world, she can't see anything else. To try to reason with her is futile . . . it all comes down to meetings, service, study . . . anything else is a waste of time. My husband and I are going to some expense to move to a new town, about an hour away, to try to take some of the pressure off, hoping that the distance would allow me to go to fewer meetings (and eventually stop altogether). Now, she's volunteering to drive all that way to "help" me to ensure I make it to the meetings.

  I got some good advice here a few days ago about what to say (and what not to say) to the elders. Can anyone help with what to tell my family?
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  31

  Are you living out some of your dreams yet?

  by LyinEyes in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i have been up watching saturday night fever, made in the year 1977. funny thing i noticed , the club that the tony(john travolta) dances at is called 2001 odessey.

  i thought god , i was 10 or 11 when that movie came out.

  i wanted to see it so bad, but good jw's would never see such a movie, the disco era right.

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  madison149

  Still doing the fade thing, so I can't do everything I want to yet, but . . .

  I'm in college part-time (hope to go full-time when the kids are a little older).

  I read, watch, listen to anything I want WITHOUT GUILT. I also am enjoying talking to anyone I want, making friends with "worldly" people, and seeing that there are so many great people out there who aren't JW. I refuse to believe that God will destroy these kind people.

  I love sleeping in and just spending time with my husband and kids on weekends.

  Things I hope to do in the future:

  Get to know my disfellowshipped sister, who I formerly didn't talk to much. (I always fudged a little and talked to her some, because it just didn't feel right to shun her.) She seems to hold no grudge towards me at all, and has welcomed me into her life with open arms.

  Take a yoga class.

  Celebrate holidays. I feel really incompetent, still a little afraid of Santa Claus, but my husband is helping me with this.

  Raise my kids to believe they can do anything, take advantage of all opportunities to reach their fullest potential. Mostly, I just want them to be happy and fulfilled. I guess that is most parents wish for their children.

  I'd like to figure out what I believe, since I don't know WHAT to believe in anymore. Don't know if I'll ever figure it out or not, but I would like to have some spirituality in my life. Spirituality, not so much religion. Although I'm not sure whether a paradise on earth is for real or not (I'm leaning towards not), I do feel that God has something good for us in the next life.
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  33

  I am new

  by madison149 in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i've been reading this site for about 2 weeks.

  the information and support here are great!

  i'm trying to fade away from the jw's without having to da myself (because of my many jw family members).

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  madison149

  Thanks so much to all of you for responding. And thanks for the advice, especially the heads up on the elders coming to call. I hadn't really thought of that. I really don't want to tell them anything . . . I would like to just avoid any confrontation with them altogether, if possible.

  Metatron--I loved your story about the sisters in Bethel. Too funny! I think telling the elders i have depression is a great idea (and not altogether untrue).

  RandyW--I think it's great when you're strong enough to take a stand and just live your life the way you want. For me, though, I'd just rather go quietly away (if possible) and try to hang on to my family.

  My biggest pressure comes from my mother. She is older, JW is her whole life, and i really don't want to hurt her with the truth of how I feel. I love her so much, and she is a wonderful person, but she can lay a fabulous guilt trip. In her mind, she is only on my case so much because she is concerned about my "everlasting life". Still, it drives me crazy, she is so relentless.

  Yes, I am lucky to have a nonJW husband, and he is incredibly supportive. His family is really great to me too.

  Thanks again for listening.
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  33

  I am new

  by madison149 in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i've been reading this site for about 2 weeks.

  the information and support here are great!

  i'm trying to fade away from the jw's without having to da myself (because of my many jw family members).

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  madison149

  Hi, i'm new here. I've been reading this site for about 2 weeks.

  The information and support here are great! I'm trying to fade 

  away from the JW's without having to DA myself (because of my 

  many JW family members). It's really hard because there is so 

  much pressure from my family about why i am rarely at meetings, 

  etc. Also, i'm really ticked off because my husband (non JW) got 

  to take the kids out trick or treating tonight, and I didn't get 

  to go. They were so cute, and I really wanted to go, but I was 

  afraid I'd be seen and reported to the elders so of course i 

  stayed home. I just want a normal life, especially for my kids. 

  Anyway, thanks for listening and thanks just for being here because 

  until i found this site i felt very alone in the world.