Posts by danb71

25

Theft of Identity from the Borg

by Yizuman in

jw
friends

i had a thought for most of the ex-jws who spent most of their lives in the borg.

for those who left the borg, has anyone stopped and think, "who am i really supposed to be apart from the borg?".

have you ever wondered what your life would have been like if you had never been a jw?

danb71

Wow, what a thread to read first thing in the morning. Looks like it struck a chord or two.

One of my favorite Nick Hornby lines is "it's what you like, not what you are like". The things we do with our lives, the people and things we give our time and emotion to, make us who we are.

Spend enough time with a group that frowns on anyone being into anything more than their religion and most people will start feeling faceless. I sure did, just didn't realize it until I was out for a while. What a great feeling it is to have hobbies without having to justify them to friends and family!

It's a drag that I didn't get to play little league baseball, go to my prom, college, etc, and sometimes I too think about how I might have turned out without the JW experience. But I could have turned out to be a real jackass, you know?

This was the "Sliding Doors" thread.

d

30

how i got here

by danb71 in

after having looked at this site for almost a year and recently made small replies to threads, i should introduce myself to you all and tell you how i got here:.

i was raised as a jw.

it didn't take long to figure out that to have more independence at home, i'd better be a stand-out jw.

danb71

After having looked at this site for almost a year and recently made small replies to threads, I should introduce myself to you all and tell you how I got here:

I was raised as a JW. It didn't take long to figure out that to have more independence at home, I'd better be a stand-out JW. The thing is, it was like doing well in a class I didn't want to be in, but needed a good grade. I could spout scriptures and articulate everything that was needed, but it was only to impress the people around me. I'm sure a lot of them found me obnoxious. I never felt like "the truth" was something I felt, just that it was like a company that I could rise in. I believed enough, though, to know that I was going to die at Armageddon because my heart was so black.

After high school I started having real problems finding a job. I had cooked and waited tables, but had no marketable skills and of course no college. I got a low-paying office job and waited tables at night. Got married at 20. Lost the office job to a merger and re-entered the restaurant business full-time. I made up my mind that I would make a career of it despite my JW family telling me I'd miss too many meetings. They were right, by the way.

We moved to Birmingham, AL because I got a promotion, and our son was born there. I missed a ton of meetings and became inactive because I was working like holy hell to make something of myself. I remember clearly thinking, "I can either be somebody in the congregation or somebody at the store, and I feel better at the store". All the witnesses we knew started to really grate on me. They seemed unhappier than the worldly people I knew. Another couple of moves due to promotions and my wife left me. She was furious, mostly because I worked all the time and wasn't being any kind of JW or husband. I don't blame her, she had a leg to stand on there. We got married way too young and immature.

So I met with the elders and told them about my drinking heavily and smoking here and there, and they df'd me. I didn't bother going to the j.c., they had to track me down, I was df'd on my ex-wife's porch when I was picking up my son. I thought, if Armageddon's coming even in six months, by God I'm going to live life guilt-free for all six of them. So I bounced off the walls for about a year, then decided to come back to the hall and study like an "outsider", that maybe my emotional barrier keeping "the truth" out was somehow tied to being raised in it. I knew that my son would die at Armageddon if I wasn't a good JW and I couldn't bear that. For a year I went through the whole process, applied for reinstatement and was denied. They said come back in three months.

Right after that, I moved to Maine (yeah, work again). I was there maybe two months, sitting at the service meeting. I looked around, really looked, at all people sitting there, everyone looking so worn down, and it occurred to me that I never knew too many genuinely happy JWs. I thought for a while about what I wanted out of life, made a mental list, and being a Christian wasn't on it. I walked out of the hall, got all my literature, and threw it out. The thing is, I still thought it was the true religion, I was just a beaten man, I didn't have what it took.

So life went on, I moved around with my job some more, and settled on Long Island. I met my fiancee and she found freeminds.org and turned me on to it. I swear, I lost all last summer reading everything I could get a hold of. Ray Franz. Johnsson. The UN scandal. Silentlambs. All of these personal experiences, some of which are like mine and others so much more dramatic and gripping. After all this time, I understand that it wasn't so unusual for me to not "get it" as a witness, it's because the simpleness of Christianity has been made positively Mosaic by the unending rules and changes in doctrine.

I have plenty to be ashamed of in my past life as a witness, my hubris as the up-and-coming young pioneer, my hypocrisy in words versus actions, my utter failure as a husband to my wife. But life is long and amends can and have been made. My ex-wife is out of the org also, she actually goes to an ex-jw meetup in Michigan, thank god our son doesn't have to go through the same bullsh*t we did. He spends a lot of time out here and we get to share the holidays as a family now. I'm a much kinder person than I ever was as a "Christian", and am lucky to have people to care about. My decision to pursue a career way back when has totally paid off, I've done well with it. My younger sister left right before I did and we're very close. Our entire family shuns us, that's one thing that never gets easier. I've reunited with a couple old friends through ex-jw.net, that was really something. Talk about the ghosts of Christmas Past.

Anyway, this was really long I know, but thanks for reading and thanks for having this nifty site.

d

26

Post your favorite JW "DEMON" story

by MoeJoJoJo in

jw
friends

.

we've all heard different stories floating around our congregations of different ones(bible studies, or brothers or sisters) having an encounter or 'problems' with demons.

what was your favorite?.

danb71

the one that floated around, so to speak, my family was a story about my great-grandmother. she was contacted door-to-door in the late 30's and supposedly when she was about to get baptized she was driving on a windy road by a cliff in eastern ohio. "the demons" were trying to get her car to go off the cliff and she had to struggle to keep the car on the road. folks, anyone who's been to eastern ohio knows that it gets really friggin windy up there on those hills. this was before power steering mind you.

most of the demon stories i heard were music-related, the great backward-masking invasion of 1983 etc. there was the one about the sister who threw her "hotel california" album in the fire and it wouldn't burn, just glowed. def leppard was demonized too, remember, all those pyramids they had on their albums were obviously from satan.

wonder if c.t. russel would've liked "pyromania"?

d

17

can i get your opinions?

by danb71 in

jw
friends

hey all:.

first off, i want to say how much reading your posts along with the rest of this site (and others) has helped in the last year or so.

i've been out--df'd--since '95 and was pretty comfy with my reasons for leaving, till my fiancee turned me on to this site last summer.

danb71

thanks all for your input. gopher, the 4 door thing is an odd coincidence right? will proceed with caution.

d

17

can i get your opinions?

by danb71 in

jw
friends

hey all:.

first off, i want to say how much reading your posts along with the rest of this site (and others) has helped in the last year or so.

i've been out--df'd--since '95 and was pretty comfy with my reasons for leaving, till my fiancee turned me on to this site last summer.

danb71

hey all:

first off, i want to say how much reading your posts along with the rest of this site (and others) has helped in the last year or so. i've been out--df'd--since '95 and was pretty comfy with my reasons for leaving, till my fiancee turned me on to this site last summer. i must have lost a whole month reading experiences, then getting c.o.c. and the other books. answers to questions i'd buried in my mind for years, all right there and making perfect sense. one of these days i'll tell my story, it's a familiar one. you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll save five bucks.

but the reason for the post is, i was contacted a month ago via e-mail by someone named susan lee from "four door productions" who said she was doing a documentary on jw's and wanted to interview me as an ex-jw etc etc. i replied, what do you need to know that you don't have access to from all these websites etc? and she said she wanted to get my thoughts on their organization as an ex-jw. i replied, sure, let's meet at a starbucks by my restaurant. she replies, can we come to your house? we need to know exactly where you live (that's a quote). i reply, i'd rather meet at a public place. a week goes by and then another request to meet in my home because "starbucks is too noisy".

my question is, have any of you been contacted in a similar way? this is just uber-creepy. something isn't right here, i'm ignoring any further e-mail from them.

d (i've got to get a better screen name)

24

Among Friends: Embarrassing moments

by forgetmenot in

jw
friends

.

i know you have them: embarrassing moments you wish to erase forever.

its the really strong urge to hit that giant undo button but there is none.

danb71

that last one made me think of an embarrassing TMS when i was about eight: one of my first #2 talks, and the brother adjusting the mic way down for me couldn't get it far enough down, and had to move the podium to the side, apparently tangled his foot in the mic cord, and as he walked away pulled the mic stand and podium down off the stage. i just held that huge black large-print NWT in front of my face until they fixed it.

d

34

Questions Directed Towards: YOU (ex-JW)

by RAYZORBLADE in

jw
friends

i thought i'd give this a go, lighten up the forum a little.

just curious, about a few things regarding all of us who participate on here.

i have some questions, of which i will answer also.

danb71

nifty thread, thanks for it. here are my replies:

1. How long were you a jw? 24 years, baptized for 9 of them.

2. Raised as a jw or became on later? raised in it, 4th generation on mom's side.

3. Contacted via door to door? n/a

4. What intrigued or drew you to it? i never thought about that really, my parents were the high-octane witnesses and there was never a plan "b". i just believed as i was told.

5. When baptized? At 15.

6. When did you start having doubts? At 18. I was pioneering right after high school and just felt like i was going through the motions with everything. I wasn't praying and the whole thing started to feel like a business. This article came out in i think '89 called "But I Don't Love Jehovah!" and passed off having a lack of joy and/or doubts as being all in one's head, said even elders feel that way sometimes etc etc. That reasoning just wasn't working for me.

7. What else contributed to leaving? I wanted to smoke, drink, and carouse with tarts like every other guy in his early 20's wanted to do. I also got really wrapped up in my career and got sporadic with meetings. Every witness i knew started to get on my nerves with their pious attitudes.

8. When were you df'd/da'd? In the summer of 1995. I didn't bother going to the committee meeting, so the elders had to track me down. They df'd me on a friend's porch. A regular drive-by.

9. Ever reinstated? I tried to in '97, thought if i studied like an "outsider" instead of a raised jw that it would hit me in the heart like i thought it should. spent almost a year sitting in that back row. I got turned down, and about a month later walked out of the service meeting & didn't go back.

10. Ever attempt to contact/spoken with active JW's? Just my parents. They're not having it.

11. Ever punch a cop? Just once, at Mardi Gras....oh, sorry. Wrong website.

12. Ever protest or picket? No

13. Do you miss it? No no no no no no no no no....but my family, yes quite a bit. It doesn't get easier with time.

14. Still have family active? Yes, the whole family except my younger sister who's df'd too. My mom pioneers and dad's the p.o. Yeah, they're that family.

15. Believe in god? Yeah, I just think he's not paying attention. And if he is, he should be ashamed of himself.

16. Politically active/vote? Yes, yes

17. More tolerant and open-minded? Oh yes. Could anyone have gotten less open-minded? Their worldview is slightly to the right of, say, Genghis Khan.

18. Do you think the WTBTS will crumble? No, but it might erode. Look at how many direct hits it's taken just in the last 25 years. As long as people exist who need to be told what to do to that extent, there will be organizations like this one. Maybe their policies will relax over time to keep the kids from running. Throw 'em a bone!

19. If you could say anything to the WTBTS and be listened to, what would you say? "That "two-witness" rule for molestation cases will be the death of you." Oh, and more skin and less floral-print dresses when you come in my restaurant after the district conventions.

20. What's helped you to cope? Life after God, by Doug Coupland, Farewell to God, by Charles Templeton, COC and ISO Christian Freedom by Ray Franz, this and other ex-jw sites, my wonderful son, my terrific fiancee, my non-judgemental non-jw friends, and my awesome sister who is a training partner of sorts for life after the WTBTS.

21. Anything to add? Thanks for this post, it was a count your blessings kind of thing for me.

d

17

The WatchTower and Higher Education

by Maverick in

jw
friends

runningman's post on the fallacies of the watchtower reasonings started me thinking on the gb's stand on higher education.

i am impressed with the superb thinking ability of many who post here.

unclebruce, stephanus, victor_e, gamaliel, blondie, undisfellowshipped, and machislopp to name just a few.

danb71

i know this thread is old, but i have to put my two cents in. i graduated in '89 and didn't go to college either, but pioneered instead. i wish i had fought a little harder but it was "the perfect career" right? didn't matter, my parents and the elders still had something to say about me working 5 days a week to support it.

after leaving in '95, i didn't realize their stand on higher education had changed until hiring a jw who was attending college (!). what a kick in the ass that was!! what, too many kids were leaving so they had to throw them a bone?

of course compared to, say, "new light" on organ transplants, this flip-flop was pretty tame.

d

5

Question on Marriage

by Maverick in

jw
friends

i was married for 15 years to a j-dud, she ran off, got df'd, boyfriend went to jail, she was reinstated, poisoned the j-duds against me and here i am.

i won't do that again!

cost me an early retirement and years of grief with my daughter, now 18. anyone have a thought about the institute of marriage j-dud style.

danb71

maverick, i'm sorry to hear about your wife and the grief it caused you.

it's impossible to have a normal marriage, or any relationship based on trust among jw's because of course we were all trained to shoot someone in the back if the line wasn't toed with god (insert THE SOCIETY).

plus there are the legions of 18-year-old brides and grooms who can't wait to get laid. then one drags the other to the elders for every little slight. or maybe that was just my experience?

d

11

Roar

by Princess in

jw
friends

.

i ran my first half marathon today.

my official chip time was 2:06:51. not terribly fast but not bad for a first timer.. my legs hurt..

danb71

congrats princess, that's no slouch of a time. i've got one coming up in may, had to train in the rain today. around mile six i go past a kingdom hall.