My x is supose to pay $250 a month for 2 kids. I was STUPID when I divorced him because I felt guilty for leavings my sons father becasue of them. I agreed to the settlement to the horror of my own lawyer.
He is still yet to pay, even that amount. He tells my sons that he doesn't know why I don't give the money to them. He DOESN'T send it. He tells them that I am the one that took them away from him - but he doesn't understand why I don't give them what is theirs ($$). He DOESN"T send it! He tells them it was "all my fault" but he still supports them financially. HE DOESN'T! Instead of getting into a she says, he says, I have basically dropped any effort to collect. I know that my sons will realize eventually that he has lied to them all this time.
My oldest is realizing it now without me having to say anything. It took 13 years of not rebutting/yelling my ex's accusations. But my reward has been that THEY HAVE DECIDED to stay with me. They want to stay with me. My home is their home, not his. He has show his colors to them, with his 2 story log house, his boats and jet ski's and travel home, his rental properties, vehicles - they went to live with him last year. The agreement was to stay for minimum of 1 school year. That they could not come back to me until the school year ended. My oldest was back in 6 weeks and youngest in 8 weeks. After my oldest decideds something - come hell or high water he gets his way (with everyone but me) - he decided his "fathers" house was not the promises and the dreams his "father" had promised him. His lies and deceit and manipulating became very apparent.
They have made their decision about their father without my input.
Just make sure your concern is with your child. Money is secondary regardless of your situation. (I was in college with a 1 & 2 year old. No family support and no child support. Money isn't everything.)
Stay focused - our kids are worth it.
Mystery
JoinedPosts by Mystery
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Mystery
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37
Last Night's Nightmare
by Robdar ini woke up with my heart racing this morning.
i had an awful dream that i had gone home to visit my parents and that everybody in my former cong came bye to say hi.
in my dream, all the men had on suits and all the women had on floral dresses.
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Mystery
--- In my dream, all the men had on suits and all the women had on floral dresses. Red, blue, pink, green, aqua, all these different floral designs and matching shoes too. I was handed a bookbag, some magazines and a dress to put on.--- Is your (ex)husband a JW? Look at everything we were taught as women. By divorcing you are a failure. Submission. Obedience. Follower, not a leader. Not having support. Submission (handed a book bag)- follower (women had on floral dresses... matching shoes). No support (Not blowing Veni’s cover). (get a kitty treat) you gave us a kitty treat today. Letting us put our 2cents in. Deciding to divorce my ex (and he wasn’t even a JW) was one of the hardest things I ever did. Not because I didn’t want to leave, but because of how “wrong” it was to divorce. He had not cheated on me – JW reasoning again – therefore I could not divorce him. It was difficult. My parents were against me. Him telling my parents if I would just come back he would study to become a JW. With a 1 & 2 yr. old, no family support, no “friend” (they were all JW’s and I had been fading for quite a while), with absolutely nothing to gain except my own personal “freedom” why in the world would I be so selfish for myself to defy all of them? With the stress of your divorce a lot of things will probably surface. Old beliefs. Old memories. Guilt. Doubts. I found it good to keep a journal. Why & why nots? And on the really bad day of “why am I doing this” read the days of “this is the best thing that I could ever do”. I think your dream is a combination of old and new beliefs. I am not a dream reader. But it sounds sorta like the feelings I had 12 years ago. Still very vivid. Deborah
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By the way, it was my birthday yesterday.... April 8th, 1969
by anti-absolutist init's weird that, 11 years after getting df'd,and 8 years after vowing to never go back, i still kind of felt guilty toasting my birthday with my friends.
i am a hell of a lot closer, though, to feeling no shame at all, and a lot of you are to be credited with my freedom......... .
brad
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Mystery
I had a glass of wine last night - toast to your B-day. I knew there was some reason I had it. HAPPY BIRTHDAY (Its hard to believe birthdays are wrong when your 2 teenage sons come and jump on your bed, especially on a Sat. morning!! (March 29th) and yell Happy Birthday MOM at the top of their lungs. They didn't have to add the "man you are old!)
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can i get your opinions?
by danb71 inhey all:.
first off, i want to say how much reading your posts along with the rest of this site (and others) has helped in the last year or so.
i've been out--df'd--since '95 and was pretty comfy with my reasons for leaving, till my fiancee turned me on to this site last summer.
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Mystery
I am an amature at finding out information on a everyday people on the net. With very little information I can find your phone number, street address, city, state & email address. If she is a reporter I am sure she is much better at this than I am. Is your phone number unlisted? If not all she has to do is look up "exactly where you live" on the internet. I agree with everyone else proceed with caution. I agree with Prisca - ask to meet at her office. And intervew her before jumping in.
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The Saviour Has Arrived!!!
by digderidoo in.
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http://news.bbc.co.uk/media/images/39046000/jpg/_39046491_rooney_turkey298.jpg
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Mystery
My hero is: Jeff Agoos
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Where are you going when you die?
by Mystery ina questions that has been on my mind for 20+ years that i have been away.. and more recently - a friend of my sons was killed.
he ask me "mom where are you going when you die?
" i am worried because if you die, i don't know where you are going.
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Mystery
I was laughing so hard I couln't see the screen!
Humm - My husband agrees with you.
Outlaw - yours is a tempting scenario.Jesika & Big Tex- I agree with you. It is hard to explain to a teenager. I don't worry about it, if I did I wouldn't have time to live. I just have to find a way to tell him that he will accept and not worry about me.
Outnfree - I will take your advice - i do need to talk to them about death more and about my funeral. I have to get an agreement with my husband first, I want to be cremated and thrown out the window somewhere driving down the road or where ever and he was me in a hole with a tombstone. So we have to figure that out before we talk to them.
The boy driving was drunk/high; he wasn't injured but the girl (my sons friend) and a 6 yr old in the car were killed. It hit my son pretty hard.
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Women raised as JWs: Did the WTS views on women negatively impact you?
by berylblue ini'd really like to know.. my experience was that women who were raised in the "truth" and married to a good jw brother did not know how to make decisions.
from reading this board, this would, however, appear to be the least of their problems.. what specifically, if any, were the problems associated with always being told you were a second class person and not capable of making decisions?.
rosemarie
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Mystery
I was an "obedient" daughter of an elder. Did my duties and stayed quiet. But I did keep looking and listening to what all was going on. I was timid and shy and except when it came to telling "worldly people" about Jah.
My dad wasn't abusive, but since his death almost 3 years ago it seems like my mom is fulfilling some of her own dreams.(as much as she can and still be a JW). She takes trips, goes on weekend excersions etc.. sometimes with sisters, other times alone. She is still very much involved with JW's. She met us in CO 2 years ago and went whitewater rafting with us! If my dad had been alive I don't think she would have even met us much less gone rafting!
After getting out of a rotten marriage (not a JW) I began doing things I wanted to do. Learning about myself and realizing how much I had lost by being submissive and putting up with never being good enough. I decided to change myself. And I did.
I love my life now. I love my kids and husband. He supports me in almost everything i do. And stands aside when i decide to do something really stupid and lets me fall. Helps me back up again and has never told me "I told you so".
So yes, it did negatively affect me. Thankfully i was smart enough not to let it completely control me.
ps: and it really p**** me off when they told me that i COULDN'T go to Bethel because I was a woman!
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Where are you going when you die?
by Mystery ina questions that has been on my mind for 20+ years that i have been away.. and more recently - a friend of my sons was killed.
he ask me "mom where are you going when you die?
" i am worried because if you die, i don't know where you are going.
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Mystery
A questions that has been on my mind for 20+ years that I have been away.
And more recently - a friend of my sons was killed. He ask me "Mom where are you going when you die?" I am worried because if you die, I don't know where you are going.
I have a 13 & 14 yr old boys. They know the basis JW belief because of my family. But they also know Christian beliefs of heaven and hell.
Where are you going?
PS: Sword of Jehovah don't bother answering - i won't waste my time reading it.
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Hi
by Mystery infirst i want to thank robyn for answering my email regarding the forum.
i was having (technical) problems becomeing a member.
someone on "meet-up" posted the site and i have not been able to stop logging on to it.
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Mystery
I want to thank everyone for welcoming me. I am sure that alot of my questions, doubts and feeling alone will be worked out.
I am really glad i found you guys.
My son has a soccer tournament this weekend so I won't be on much. My husband thinks it is great that i found this site, as long as i don't become obsessed with it and will give him a little of my free time. I have a tendency to go overboard on things.
Look forward to hearing "mysteries" answered for me.
Deborah
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Hi
by Mystery infirst i want to thank robyn for answering my email regarding the forum.
i was having (technical) problems becomeing a member.
someone on "meet-up" posted the site and i have not been able to stop logging on to it.
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Mystery
First I want to thank Robyn for answering my email regarding the forum. I was having (technical) problems becomeing a member. Someone on "Meet-up" posted the site and I have not been able to stop logging on to it. Others do not understand why a X-JW can not just throw the religion behind them. My husband, who Jehovah or God or some other more powerful being allowed me to find has become my saving grace, I try to explain it to him but he can not understand why I can't just let go. I was raised a JW. Told eveyone in my 3rd grade class that if they opened their Christmas presents that Jehovah wasn't going to love them any more. (Thank God they didn't know who Jehovah was!!!) Baptised at 13. Began studies with others at 13. My service hours during the summer months were those of a pioneer. My father was an elder. I was DF'ed at 17 for sex. Reinstated. Graduated and begin fading (that is a whole story in itself). Problems: 1) shunning 2)everyone dying but "us" 3) if we were so right in our beliefs why couldn't/wouldn't others see it 4)set opinions even after being reinstated (never forgiving or forgetting) 5)elders making accusations with no proof - certainly not with 2 eye witnesses!!! 6)shunning you when your not df's 7)research (Russell & the pymraids +) and about 100 other things. Deborah