Posts by Mystery

18

I was at Deaths Door today.

by orangefatcat in

jw
friends

yes for some reason this morning on my way home from the sleep clinic, did i realize that with in an hour we were going to be at deaths door.

after arriving home this morning at 6:30 i was greeted by my husband ready to go out to the resturant for breakfast.

i needed first to bathe and wash my hair of the sticky glue they use at the clinic to hold the electrodes in place.

Mystery

Thank God you are OK; you and the bus load of children.

49

Why Depression Sucks.

by shamus in

jw
friends

because you can make jokes and appear "happy" at the drop of a hat, meanwhile, you're being chewed up from the inside out.

because you can't learn to take one day at a time because your good days are always overshadowed by knowing that you're going to just slip back down again.

it's inevitable.

Mystery

Shamus - if you only knew how may hours i have tried to find a site to talk with others about this. Thank you so much for the site information.

I know that i may never understand "why"; but i be damned if I will ever give up on him like so many others have.

I try to never say "i understand" and to give advice; I am so tired of all the "perfect families" around me telling me "if I would only do this... or that....." it would "set him straight" and I hope to never be this way to others. I can only give you (((shamus)))) and wish you the joy and peace you so richly deserve.

love

deborah

49

Why Depression Sucks.

by shamus in

jw
friends

because you can make jokes and appear "happy" at the drop of a hat, meanwhile, you're being chewed up from the inside out.

because you can't learn to take one day at a time because your good days are always overshadowed by knowing that you're going to just slip back down again.

it's inevitable.

Mystery

Flower -

You have made a major step in knowing that it takes what is inside (and with help from others) to subside your state of mind.

I have seen it in my son, fighting so hard - knowing what he "should do". sometimes winning; sometimes losing.

You have faith in yourself, but are able to seek outside help as well. I hope my son is an intutive as you when he decides to face this himself.

May peace of mind and hope and dreams be with you,

Love,

deborah

49

Why Depression Sucks.

by shamus in

jw
friends

because you can make jokes and appear "happy" at the drop of a hat, meanwhile, you're being chewed up from the inside out.

because you can't learn to take one day at a time because your good days are always overshadowed by knowing that you're going to just slip back down again.

it's inevitable.

Mystery

Shamus -

I appreciate your comments; unfortunately - i wish he was a "typical teen' but he isn't.

He is bi-polar and to the extent of depression he has tried to commit sucide and has done self- mutalation. I will never be able to "understand" all he has done. Thru research and reading threads, such as this, I hope to be able to connect with him to a degree.

Fighting against "the system" (police officials), doctors and phy doctors to instutionalize him to find a "solution" to his problem I have suceeded to a degree. He is on meds and hopefully this will help to a degree. Depression.... it seems like I am fighting an "unseen demon" trying to possess my son. Problem is... this "unseen demon" does not know who he is up against!

I have lost my "family" due to JW's. I WILL NOT lose my son due to depression or bi-polar or any other diagnosis that he is labled with.

No disrespect to you or anyone what so ever. But I will fight this battle with my son until he wins or I die.

My love and deepest respect,

deborah

48

I need a hug (vent)

by Billygoat in

why is it i always end up working for companies that don't give a crap about their employees well-being?

i've been here since march as a temp; got a full-time offer in december and almost immediately the workload has increased and there is no new hires are on the horizon.

the political games in some of these departments is mind-blowing.

Mystery

((((Billygoat)))))))

49

Why Depression Sucks.

by shamus in

jw
friends

because you can make jokes and appear "happy" at the drop of a hat, meanwhile, you're being chewed up from the inside out.

because you can't learn to take one day at a time because your good days are always overshadowed by knowing that you're going to just slip back down again.

it's inevitable.

Mystery

Thank you.

You have helped me "understand" more, things to do and not to do to my son. He is sunk in a depression that he can not seem to get out of. I will try to understand more. I do know that the last thing to say to a person in the state of depression is "i know what you are going thru.... but...."

Just know that when someone says "i love you" what they are trying to say is "i want to help, I just am not sure of how to do so", don't turn away from someone just because they don't understand. Maybe... just maybe they simply don't know how to help.

maybe holding on to you is the only way they know how.

40

The Drive Home Tonight,Crying.

by Blueblades in

jw
friends

let's see,where do i start?i decided to have a quiet drive home after work.it takes about one and half hours.no cd playing,no talk radio,no news, just a quiet drive listening to my own thoughts.i'm not concentrating on any one thing,just kind of letting my mind flow wherever it wants to.. then it starts,my mind goes back to when our children were small.as i'm driving i am having this flashback,i'm going to save my family from dying at armageddon,why the little ones are dependant on us for their future life happiness.. there will be no birthday parties,holiday celebrations,even though one of them was born on the 4th of july.no extra-curricular activities at school,and everyone will know that they don't salute the flag,nor sing the national anthem.and at the infirmary they know that they are not to take blood.. after school homework,the preparing for meetings,more studying comes next.no tv.

tonight,it's a meeting night.oh goody,the weekend is here,now we can go out and play.sorry,we have to go out in field service,mommy and daddy will show you how to have so much fun in the field service on saturday and sunday.. i start to cry,literally,there is real pain in my chest and a lump in my throat.as i have this flashback on the drive home tonight.i think of how i robbed my children of their childhood,i'm getting very emotional and angry,a picture flashes across my mind of all those years,30 plus,that i lost for my wife and children.the opportunities that we turned down,we are going to survive armageddon!.

i have had a talked with my family about my regrets over having put my family through this before and they don't blame me.they feel that i was doing what i thought was the best for them at the time.they forgive me,but i having yet forgiven myself.. the family says that they learned something about life,religion etc.that the experience has not made them bitter,and they have moved on.the children are happily married and doing fine.my wife and i are doing the best that we can with what time we have left.we are in our sixties,no retirement or pension fund.taking it day to day.. this is what happened on the quiet drive home tonight,it's been a year and a half of being inactive and still the flashbacks of the past 30 something years in the watchtower and all of what that has entail in raising my family still wells up inside me when i try to rest my mind and think of nothing.. i cried all the way home for one and a half hours,pain in my chest and heart,my head feeling like it would explode,angry at the society for the big chunk of life that they stole from us.. and i thought of so many others sharing the same feelings and experiences as my family,and those still stuck inside.soon as i arrived home,i collected myself together and said:"hi honey,i'm home!

Mystery

(((((((((((blueblades))))))))))))

Feb. 14th - the next "thing we missed" right??? !!!!!

Send everyone of your kids ballons for every year your missed. With a big heart one right in the middle with HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!! And another one that says I LOVE YOU. Send them to your grandkids!!! What a CRAZY grandpaw they have!!! But they will never forget it!

Send your wife a single rose for every year you didn't. Pick up a bottle of champagne and your favorite "dinner". Tell her how much she means to you!

St. Patricks Day! hey, corney but..... turn your water... your wine... etc... GREEN! Send your kids a dozen green flowers/ballons/shamrocks!

We all cry. We all loss. And one day it just hits us. I am glad that it hit you. Men don't cry..... BS.

On their birthdays.... make up for all the ones you missed. Make a fool of yourself???? YES!

Will they think you have lost your mind?? Probably. But so what!

When is the last time you danced with your wife? You sent her flowers? You told her how beautiful she is? Tell her! Tell your children!

The 4th of July have so many fireworks that it puts your city to shame! (in the event that you live in a small city. !!!) To heck with waiting for the 4th!!... have a BBQ and have fire works in Jan... Feb... Mar....

When is the last time you dressed up for Halloween (i know - it is a little way off BUT...........)

CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get them things now.... Dumb things.... memory things.... have so many presents under the tree, that you can't see the tree.

I know this probably sounds dumb but....... if you are greiving for all that you have lost... go overboard for a while!

I have "caught up on so much" that I "lost" in the past few years. I love my mom. She loves me CONDITIONALLY! I love my sister. She loves me CONDITIONALLY! If ..... IF they ever love me again for me .... I will give them the biggest Birthday Party that ANYONE has ever seen!! The biggest CHRISTMAS that anyone has ever seen (even if it means going to the $1 Store and wrapping every present individually!!) Live my friend... your tears are a beginning to setting yourself completely free.

Your family has "forgiven" you..... it is time for you to forgive yourself.... it is time to celebrate!

Cry some more. Hug more. Love more. Freedom is a wonderful thing.

deborah

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