Posts by asleif_dufansdottir

83

I think I did a really bad thing.

by emilyblue in

i do not attend the same hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me.

i'm not a witness.

he confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final.

asleif_dufansdottir

I remembered reading this on your other thread and I wanted to say...read this...and while you read it, pretend that it is someone else talking. Pretend that this is being told to you by one of your best girlfriends, whose boyfriend is acting this way towards her. What advice would you give her???

He can call me anytime, day or night, and I will drop what I'm doing to reassure him that I love him and that I'm here for him. When I stopped by his apartment one morning at 7am after a bad night, he accused me of stalking him because I knocked on his door and woke him up and threatened to call the police if I bothered him at that hour. Later that day he called and told me I should have known better to come over at that hour because I knew he had problems sleeping at night and usually couldn't fall asleep until 5 am.

"You should have known better." "It's your fault" You've gotta be kidding me.

My guess is you'd tell her this man is abusive and she should leave him. Because he is. Maybe it's easier to see if it's not *you*...we all know about that, unfortunately!!

Listen to the people who are telling you that *this* is as good as it gets and it's downhill from here.

There is no fairytale ending. Just days, weeks, months or years of misery (depending on how long you stay).

Trying to 'save' people doesn't work, it just keeps you addicted to a bad relationship, because you see yourself as the selfless martyr, the hero. Well, being in a relationship to an abuser in a family of abusers (trust me on this, he may complain about his mom but she's just your average JW mother, and while he may whine to you, how she treats him is gonna be how he treats you), in an abusive religion that enables the abuse, is not heroic.

Of course he's going to flip out and blame you and hate you, then call you back and say that even though it's all your fault he needs you and can't live without you (as long as you apologize for everything you're doing wrong).

Break up with him, block his number, and tell him not to contact you ever again. Then do the same thing with the woman you're studying with. *When* he shows up at your home or work freaking out (and he will), refuse to talk to him and call the cops. Then get a restraining order. Do not let him drag you back in. Treat this relationship like the dangerous and life threatening addiction it is, and cut it off.

83

I think I did a really bad thing.

by emilyblue in

i do not attend the same hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me.

i'm not a witness.

he confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final.

asleif_dufansdottir

But I never wanted it to end like this, with him facing possible disfellowship and hating me for it. He has no one else to talk to in any kind of meaningful way.

He has No One to blame for this...not one, single, solitary person...except himself.

He KNEW that having a relationship with you was wrong in the eyes of the organization, and he did it *anyway*. Then he tried to hide it. Him hating *you* for it is just further proof (if any was needed) that he refuses to take any responsibility for his actions or accept the consequences of what he does without blaming others.

There's no point in feeling bad about the relationship ending on a bad note, because with a person like this there is no way to end it on a good one. He's always going to have something wrong in his life, and want people to pity him and treat him special...and get mad at them if they don't, and blame them for what's going wrong.

You can't fix him. You can't fix stupid. Only he can fix him and the best thing for you to do is cut ties to him and hope that, faced with no support system whatsover, he'll start to grow up.

Probably he won't. He'll find some other woman (in case you didn't already know this, there are many, many single women among JWs who are desperately hoping to find a JW man, any JW man, to marry - because they think it will somehow make their lives better - it doesn't) to dump all his problems on.

Let her be ex-wife #3 (or miserable wife #3). You dodge the bullet and have a better life!

83

I think I did a really bad thing.

by emilyblue in

i do not attend the same hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me.

i'm not a witness.

he confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final.

asleif_dufansdottir

If not you will be living the rest of your life feeling just as you do now!!

Gawd what a horrible thought, huh? Ex has hit the nail on the head!

83

I think I did a really bad thing.

by emilyblue in

i do not attend the same hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me.

i'm not a witness.

he confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final.

asleif_dufansdottir

Emily,

Yes, I think you should tell him. He needs to know that he might be facing serious consequences for lying to his committee, his actions with you, etc.

You need to keep in mind, however, that YOU have done nothing wrong. YOU merely told the truth about your relationship. HE is the one who has been lying and hiding.

If he gets upset with you (and it's likely that he will), you need to keep in mind that this is an indication of how he will continue to blame YOU for things that go wrong that are not your fault. Alarm bells are going off all over the place that this guy is not a good person to be in a relationship with. You need to stop feeling sorry for him and think about how HIS OWN actions are responsible for his situation. Why are you so nervous about having done this? Why are you saying *you* 'did a bad thing'? How is ANY of this your fault? He's the one who's supposed to follow the organization's rules. If you feel upset and guilty and afraid, to me this indicates that neither this relationship nor this religion is a healthy thing for you.

Saying it's everybody else's fault (his ex wives, people at his old halls) is a very bad sign. If you knew a 4 year old who got upset and said that everything bad that happened to him was everyone else's fault, and never his own, you'd recognize this. Somehow, when a *grown man* does the same thing, women find it harder to see.

You also need to have a hard conversation with the woman you're studying with. Ask her why it's any of her business what goes on in your relationship (it's not). Ask her why she wants details that are none of her concern. Ask her if she reported him, then make her justify it. Ask her why any person should allow a relgious organization so much control over their lives (they shouldn't). It seems like you already are sensing this if you're not attending meetings - why are you afraid to admit this to him??

Edited to emphasize: You are afraid of upsetting this boyfriend and you're afraid of confronting the woman you're studying with and asking her about what she plans to do with the information you've told her. Why should you be afraid? You should NOT! You should not be afraid of upsetting a man who is trustworthy enough to be your future husband! You should not be afraid of talking to anyone about anything in a religion that's worthy of your trust!

You'd be much better off if you left both the boyfriend and the JWs. Trust me on this.

33

Would You Recommend A Person Remain A Virgin Before Marriage???

by minimus in

jw
friends

being raised as a good witness, i was a virgin until i was married.

of course, the scriptures say one must not commit fornication.

however, i know most teens have sex well before marriage.

asleif_dufansdottir

I'd like to know if those who didn't remain virgin before marriage, if they regret it.

Yeah, well, when I was young and naive and first married, (and dumb) I did regret not being a virgin a little, not that my husband cared (he wasn't, either). Now that I'm middle aged, what I regret was not having better taste in pre-marital men.

I think a person should have a considerable amount of LIFE experience, including sex, before they get married. I've notice that those who get married later in life (often after a bad first marriage) are happier and more content.

35

If an elder walked into your home right now.........

by ButtLight in

jw
friends

how many disfellowshipping "offenses" would he find?.

lets see....... the jwd up on my computer....links to psychic web sites....my smokes..books about the borg...my fiance who i live with....lottery tickets...... my birthday cards displayed on my desk.....the aposta pics on my computer......oh i could go on and on...but theres a few!.

im so bad hey?

asleif_dufansdottir

Well, if he could get past the dog (good luck), the Pagan altar and small collection of ancient Egyptian and Hindu statues of Gods would probably be the first big clue.

Of course, assuming I was home, anyone walking into my home unannounced and uninvited (as a JW elder would *have* to be) would be looking down the barrel of my .357, so he might not even notice the other things on his way back out. I suppose threatening to shoot an elder is a DF'ing offense.

86

"Watchtower" is a term from witchcraft NOT Scripture

by FuzzyPaul in

has anyone else ever noticed that there is no watchtower in scripture as part of any particular teaching but there is prominent use of watchtower in dungeons and dragons type games and forms of witchcraft including spells involving watchtower?

see: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/watchtower_%28magic%29.

and msn search for watchtower alone & with magic spell or occult or witchcraft.. ct russell was a 33rd degree freemason ( illuminati) nutcase who read books by guys that measured the lengths of the halls in pyramids to foretell the future by.

asleif_dufansdottir

Whoopee.

Lots of different groups have used the term watchtower, because it's a physical object. An observation tower. It's right up there with saying the word "house" has occult - and only occult - importance because some "occult" writings might have used the term. Many different groups in human history have used watch / observation towers to look for danger. Forest rangers use them today to look for forest fires but that doesn't mean the national forest service is an occult group.

Yes, some 'old school' Wiccan/NeoPagan and for all I know, Masonic groups (scuttlebut says that the original Wiccan rituals used Masonic ritual as a base but as I've never seen nor read any Masonic ritual I can't say for sure), have used the term when calling the quarters during a ritual ("Hail to the guardians of the watchtowers of the East", etc). But I've never been able to stomache that, after my experience as a JW. I just say something like "Welcome to the spirits of the East". Means the same thing, sounds less formal and impressive to some but I see no need to make my rituals sound medievalish.

117

I'm Attending the Memorial

by RichieRich in

jw
friends

my lovely girlfriend and i sat down over a homecooked meal, and discussed the pros and cons of attending the memorial.. i decided, with her support, that we would attend.. i spent years of my life pretending to be a witness to please my mother.

when i left the witnesses, my mother said some hurtful things.. and those things really hurt me... for a while.

but i established myself as my own person, developed my own relationships, and have gotten a good start on my own life.. i don't know that i want to hurt my mother back, but i do want to make it abundantly clear to her, my grandmother, and all the members of my former congregation, that richierich is alive and kicking.. and i think that walking into the kingdom hall, dressed respectfully in a suit, yet with full piercing jewelry intact, and with erika wearing something classy that steals the brother's eyes, and draws glares from the humble sisters, will be just the thing to send that message to my mother.. i don't plan on partaking or making a disturbance.

asleif_dufansdottir

Richie,

Just to be clear...I trying to talk you out of going, just saying why I personally wouldn't pick the memorial...and pointing out what I thought was the likely interpretation the dubs would take, so's you could prepare something to counteract it if you got the chance

You don't need to defend your decisions or your choices to the board. Nobody does. But we do reserve the right to comment

117

I'm Attending the Memorial

by RichieRich in

jw
friends

my lovely girlfriend and i sat down over a homecooked meal, and discussed the pros and cons of attending the memorial.. i decided, with her support, that we would attend.. i spent years of my life pretending to be a witness to please my mother.

when i left the witnesses, my mother said some hurtful things.. and those things really hurt me... for a while.

but i established myself as my own person, developed my own relationships, and have gotten a good start on my own life.. i don't know that i want to hurt my mother back, but i do want to make it abundantly clear to her, my grandmother, and all the members of my former congregation, that richierich is alive and kicking.. and i think that walking into the kingdom hall, dressed respectfully in a suit, yet with full piercing jewelry intact, and with erika wearing something classy that steals the brother's eyes, and draws glares from the humble sisters, will be just the thing to send that message to my mother.. i don't plan on partaking or making a disturbance.

asleif_dufansdottir

Richie,

I just saw this thread and wanted to say, if I ever decided I wanted to go to a meeting again the memorial would be the very last meeting I'd pick.

Why? Because the memorial is the one meeting a year that people who "are afraid to make the commitment of being real JWs" go to, "because they really know it's the truth(tm)".

They'll read it as you wanting to be all evil and worldly but unable to deny that the JWs have the truth and 'knowing' that you 'need' to attend the memorial.

They won't see it as you showing that you've survived and thrived away from J's Org. They'll view it as vindication that 'even those who hate J's Org know it's the truth and come to the memorial.'

I'd pick another meeting. Like on your birthday, cause you wanted to say hi to your mom on the anniversary of your birth

6

It's that time, who's going?

by Deleted in

jw
friends

my wife got the invite today, i was out.

"if i went i would partake of the emblems, and the reason is this:

john 6:53 (niv) 53jesus said to them, "i tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the son of man and drink his blood, you have no life in you.

asleif_dufansdottir

Do they "count" anybody who partakes or do they have to be a known JW in good standing for the elders to count them as partaking? (my guess is they refuse to count anyone who they don't *know* is a good annointed JW)