Posts by asleif_dufansdottir

62

update on my divorce situation

by depressed in

i'm shocked!

if you remember my experience, in a nutshell, basically my ex-bethelite ex pioneer husband cheated on me with an older "worldly woman" from his job and left me suddenly.

i had no idea that we had trouble with our marriage, however, when i discovered the love letters from the other woman, he moved out, and a week after that, i received divorce papers.

asleif_dufansdottir

Fortunately, Jehovah can read hearts all the way around. We'll just have to continue to work in harmony with what we each know is Jehovah's will, and let him take care of the rest. If only real love were the only currency now like we know it will be. Jehovah praises those who endure for the Kingdom and his righteousness. We just have to continue to wait on him as we each work out our own salvation

Hah. As gods go, assuming he exists, Jehovah has to be about the most inept one imaginable. And he has such delusions of grandeur..

The higher up one goes in his organization, the fewer people one seems to find who are actually following his rules, rather than going out of their way to try to hide their wrongdoing.

Plus, he (and his organization) make all sorts of false claims about him (and themselves)...he should stop making such grandiose claims and start doing some housecleaning. Because while I've *heard* over and over about how he doesn't tolerate wrongdoing and how he'll "take care of things" I've never seen any evidence of him actually doing anything.

24

How long can you go to the meetings and not get baptized?

by JH in

jw
friends

usually, adults who attend meetings regularly and aren't baptized yet are encouraged to do so.

usually after 1 or 2 years a person who attends meetings regularly will get baptized.. i wonder what would happen if a person would go to meetings for years and not want to get baptized.

would the elders finally brand them as evil or start shunning them somehow?.

asleif_dufansdottir

OK, the cat walking across the keyboard is not a good thing sometimes.

Anyway, I was gonna say, Bonnie -

Money does make a difference. A big one. There were a few in our congregation who were adults who were never baptised, never went in service, and were not interested in doing so.

In most cases they were 'unbelieving mates' (unbelieving *husbands* can get away with this much easier than unbelieving *wives*...my personal experience). However, in one case, the guy was the adult son of a widow who was a JW (I don't think his dad had ever been a JW either) was married and had a little kid of his own, and neither he nor his wife were ever publishers or baptised, but they attended meetings for years. He had a beard, too.

As long as they were supportive of their JW family, and gave donations at the hall, they were left mostly alone. Every once in a while, a new CO or somebody came in with a full head of steam and put a lot of pressure on people, but I'm pretty sure if they pressed too hard they'd lose, and *they knew it*.

24

How long can you go to the meetings and not get baptized?

by JH in

jw
friends

usually, adults who attend meetings regularly and aren't baptized yet are encouraged to do so.

usually after 1 or 2 years a person who attends meetings regularly will get baptized.. i wonder what would happen if a person would go to meetings for years and not want to get baptized.

would the elders finally brand them as evil or start shunning them somehow?.

asleif_dufansdottir

Bonnie,

152

Does Knowing the Truth Make you a Happier person?

by gumby in

many of us who were once jehovah's witnesses had a measure of happiness in our lives.

for me, i had a hope in the future, i had answers as to why we are all here, i believed in a loving god who looked after me and cared about me, i had answers to all of lifes big questions.. when i found out the truth about the witnesses, i was lost in a great big world and now had no answers other than the fact that what i once believed was "the truth" in actuality wasn't the truth.i now had to start all over in my search for truth.

for me, it wasn't long before i found what i thought was the truth since i always believed in the bible.

asleif_dufansdottir

OK, I'm sooooo nosey. I wanna know how Gumby "went back", got his family and friends back, and isn't going out in service, etc? How do you do that? (not that I'm want to try it, DH and I were the only ones in our families who were ever JWs...I'm just insatiably nosey)

And, yeah, even though I beat myself up for a while for being dumb enough to be fooled by the "Truth" (tm, some restrictions apply, Truth may not, in fact, be true)...but I got over it mostly.

72

For women: your view of strip clubs

by Paralipomenon in

i have heard two vastly differing viewpoints on this subject over the years.

regarding your significant other, would you care if they went to a strip club or not?

some examples: .

asleif_dufansdottir

I never understood the attraction.

I mean, who doesn't know that you're paying a considerable amount of money to have someone pretend they're interested in you when they're no? Plus, you're paying to be sexually frustrated.

I might enjoy looking at the male reviews on tv or whatever (just like I enjoy watching hot male actors) but I personally couldn't imagine wanting to see a show in person or getting any personal attention from a dancer. And I wouldn't understand a man who wanted this from a female dancer.

We couldn't afford for my husband to spend any money at all at one of these places, so I'd be really, really upset if he did.

64

How would you react if someone at the hall called you by your username here

by JH in

jw
friends

2 years ago, i went to a meeting and the brother talking in the front said that the internet was full of dirty rats..... he was looking at me when he said that.

.

asleif_dufansdottir

Huh. I thought you were a white ferret.

Anyway, I'd be really surprised because I haven't been in a hall for nearly 15 years and I don't know any JWs anymore (lucky me)

98

I just got back from my circuit assembly !

by 5go in

ok i have listed all the intresting and thought provoking things.

hear they are from a to z.

<----------- yep nothing.. .

asleif_dufansdottir

"The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers."

They know this. They are very, very careful about what they put into 'official' writing, because it affects everything from court battles (custody, divorce, etc) to how batsh#t crazy it makes them look when "interested ones" look them up on the internet.

In academic, government, NGO and corporate research, there's this stuff called "gray literature." This is stuff that's not written 'for publication' - usually something gets written up because some department head or government agency wants more information on a topic, or a report gets written to summarize or justify how grant money was spent, or somebody writes a 'feel good' piece to get donors to pony up. It's all considered 'internal documents' and most of it never sees the light of day outside whatever institution it was written for.

A lot of the info that gets put out and passed around in the bOrg reminds me of gray literature of a more sinister type (say, the type of internal docs that the tobacco companies used to write about how to get kids hooked on smoking), even though it's given from the platform and not in writing. What's 'officially' put into print gives them more deniability than what's said on the platform(s). It lets them prick the consciences of those who are trying hard, and tightens the bOrg's grip on their hearts and minds, but doesn't 'lay down the law' to the point that people who are teetering on the brink will say, "screw it, I'm outa here" the way that "official law" put into print would.

Everybody here knows how JWs are taught to err on the side of caution and follow the strictest version of their understanding of JW law. We all also know that it's *never* 'just one assembly'...because they talk to each other and pass stuff around, and lots of them go to parts of more than one assembly or convention. It also lays the groundwork so that eventually, when and if it *does* come out in print, they can act like it's been this way all along, and the faithful rank and file will recognize it as such.

So they get X% of faithful JWs to cut off association with 'inactive' friends or family, without "costing" the bOrg whatever it might cost them to say it officially in print, and lets those who wouldn't go along with such a rule the leeway of not following the 'suggestion' without having them actually break Ironclad JW Law - because the GB *has* to know that if they start breaking rules they'll eventually leave altogether, more than likely.

38

HE'S OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW, OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW, OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW!

by Schism in

jw
friends

omg, dad's been calling all day and i've been hiding.

hubby's finally called him to tell him we don't want to talk about it.

after hubby had been on the phone with him for almost an hour (he was on the phone outside while i was inside cooking), i hear my dad's voice!

asleif_dufansdottir

It's very simple (but very difficult).

You go out there, you get your husband's attention, say, "Honey, supper is on the table, go eat."

Get between your dad and the door, and say, "Dad, neither of us is going to discuss this with you any more. GO HOME." Do not yell, do not scream, do not threaten, do not get into a conversation of any sort with him. Just "Dad, go home. I don't want to call the cops and have them remove you." And go inside and shut and lock the door. Do not answer, do not answer the phone.

My dad's a sweetheart but my father-in-law is a controlling bastard. I have 25 years of experience. (none of our family were ever JWs but us, so it's nto a JW thing).

149

My plan--fully revealed

by Junction-Guy in

jw
friends

i think most of you already know what i have been planning.

i have mentioned it somewhat already.

i have sent bits of pieces of my story to several christian ministries, and they want to know more.

asleif_dufansdottir

Honestly, I think your best bet would be some sort of couples counseling (yes, I am aware you're in different states...I think you can do couples counseling singly...if that makes sense) before you tell any family anything or try to do that "repair" stuff (Which, I'm sorry to say, I think is crap).

If you can work out your issues with your childhood, and your relationship can be repaired, nothing else matters. I mean, you keep saying you don't actually want to pursue sexual relationships with men...or even other women...so as long as you two have the tools to deal your attraction to other men (assuming it ends up continuing and mattering) in your relationship, what difference does it make? As long as you're not acting on it or spending hours a day looking at hot gay porn, so what?

I doubt that anybody male or female, straight, gay or bi, has ever been in a relationship where they were not the least bit attracted to another person (same sex or opposite sex). If you don't act on it, what difference does it make? I mean, I think lots of men are hot, but I'm not having sex with anyone but my husband. Nor do I really care to.

Plus, I think you really need to have a counselor of some kind help you figure out if you're feeling a real *sexual* attraction (the hormonal urge to screw somebody's brains out) to other men, or you just have the equivalent of a "guy crush" (like him, admire him, wanna be like him, want him to like you, want his life). Now *that* type of thing I can really see your upbringing affecting.

From some of the things you've said about your family and background, I'm wondering exactly how sexual your feelings are. People have different sex drives...some people just aren't terribly horney alot, some are constantly horney. If you don't have a very high sex drive (and I don't know you so I don't know) and you've had some issues with your upbringing, and you were raised to believe that real guys were horndogs and lusted after women constantly, and to believe that being homosexual was the worst thing a *man* could be...If indeed you had a more moderate sex drive and maybe some feelings of bisexuality, I can see that being misinterpreted.

I can also see it being possible that no matter what your sex drive, being raised homophobic might make you think, "Oh my gosh, I have the teeniest inkling of attraction to men - I must be totally gay!" But you said yourself you don't fit in. The people who *do* fit in, seem to know from childhood that they do.

This could all be way off, the only reason I'm saying it is to show you that somebody who doesn't know you, can read thru this thread and come up with some possible reasons/solutions that are different than the ones that have occurred to you.

And, I just have to say, because this is my bias...*please* be careful about picking a counselor/psychiatrist/psychologist based *only* on their religious orientation!!! As screwed up as the JWs are, there are some other conservative Christians who are equally screwed up. Just because your faith is important to you does NOT mean it has to be important to your counselor, or that your counselor has to have the exact same belief you do. The important thing is that they are a *good counselor*...a good counselor can help you integrate your faith with your life...and it sounds like you need a trained, skilled helper to get thru these issues. Too many "Christian _____s" (shrinks, lawyers, doctors, whatever) - professionals who consider their religion to be the most important facet of their profession - count on people for picking them for religious reasons, not because they're good at their job. You need *unbiased* advice...somebody that will tell you the truth even if it doesn't go along with their idea of religion (ie-about the bisexuality, gayness, whatever).

And I think I should shut up now...

34

Oh NO!!! It's raining on Prince!!

by MsMcDucket in

i'm scared he's going to get electrocuted or break a leg or something!

asleif_dufansdottir

You know, I didn't know all the lyrics, and I suppose it could be read either pro or con the Org...but the phrase "is someone getting the best of you?" certainly has meaning for XJWs...and I know Prince has a deep love of cryptic messages in his songs.

One can only hope! I love him, I want the real Prince back.