I think most of you already know what I have been planning. I have mentioned it somewhat already. I have sent bits of pieces of my story to several Christian ministries, and they want to know more. I told them that I would have to clear several hurdles first, before I could tell them the full story. These are big time ministries, and are in the media spotlight quite a bit,
I am also looking into reparative therapy, as I feel this could help me in alot of ways, first off it would provide me with a group of male peers who understand what I have been going through, and also this will allow me to network and find more venues for my life story. I believe if I can get these ministries to hear more of my story they will be captivated by it.
Like I said before, this will start out in christian venues first, and then could move onto the talk show circuit, and who knows where else. This all depends on me, and how far Im willing to take it. The next major hurdle is breaking this news to the rest of my family One by one I will start to tell them about the real me, and what I have suffered through. I may let my Dad know last, or maybe I will tell him sooner than I think. Im trying to arrange a meetup with him, Darin and me, and we can finally get some issues off our chests. He will more than likely reject us forever, but it is a chance that we must take, as I feel we both need to let him know how we see things. Neither Darin nor I will ever see any peace if we keep these things bottled up..
Last but not least, I dont feel gay. I have been away from Amanda for over a year now, and have plenty of opportunity to pursue this lifestyle further, but Im still here and still celibate.
All of my life I have been trying to find the place that I fit in, in this world, and during this past year I came to the painful realization that I dont really fit in with the gay community either. You see I still have some attractions to women, and I could never commit myself to a relationship with a man, and also there are some sexual differences that also set me apart there too.
After Amanda and I separated I attended various gay meetup groups, no sex, just conversation, and I realized that I didnt fit in there either. I thought for sure when Amanda and I split that I could find my little niche in this world, but I didnt. The really confusing part is that the only place I feel that I fit in is in church, and I almost turned my back on that. I guess the XJW meetup groups really spoiled me, because no one would hardly talk with me at these other meetups and it was like I was made of glass, they just looked through me, and gave me an obligatory greeting.
This and a few other things finally made me more receptive to the idea of reparative therapy, I have always been leery of therapy and counseling, but I finally decided that something must be done. I have since contacted some different groups, and have yet to get back with them. Im gonna remain objective, see what they have to offer, what the costs are, and see how it can benefit me.
During all of this experience I will never let an opportunity pass by that I can expose the JW Cult.
This is my plan, there's nothing stopping me now, I have come too far to just back off and quit.
My plan--fully revealed
by Junction-Guy 149 Replies latest jw friends
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Junction-Guy
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Brother Apostate
go for it, get the therapy.
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SirNose586
So, how soon can you hit the media with your story? It would be nice to catch the dubs in one of their "campaigns," so they will have to answer pointed questions about their faith.
Good luck with getting airtime.
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Junction-Guy
The problem is, I really cant blitz the media until I have had the opportunity to speak with the rest of my family, once that is out of the way, I will feel much better.
This news is gonna hit my family hard, and there's gonna be alot of finger pointing, it's not gonna be pretty.
Im trying to figure out when, where, and how to break it to my Grandma, as she loves me dearly. Her and her husband are both very homophobic, and her husband is very violently anti-gay, it will break both their hearts. Her husband attended the memorial last year with her, and that was his only time going to a kingdom hall, I doubt he would ever set foot on kingdom hall property again. This could cause alot of marital problems between.
My JW uncle in Ky will also take this hard, he is not baptized yet and attends all the meetings, but for some reason he just cant figure out in his head what a JW is supposed to do. He still votes, he still celebrates christmas with his grown children, he still buys them birthday presents. He too is very homophobic, and believes that all young men should be out chasing girls and playing ball, he is in for a painful awakening,
My cousin Rosemary attends the Church of Christ and is anti-gay, but I think she will still love me. She has already cried so much over the edited version of my childhood, wait till she hears the rest of the story. She despises the JW cult almost as much as I do, as her mom was a JW who refused blood, and ended up a vegetable in a nursing home. The day her mom died she gathered up all of her mom's Watchtowers and "theocratic" library and doused them in gasoline in the yard and set them ablaze.
Folks like I said this could rip my family apart, or it could cause some of them to open up their eyes and see the damage it can cause in a child's life. -
tall penguin
Hi Dave,
Thanks for sharing your story with us. I can imagine how much relief you must feel to be moving this stuff off your shoulders and out into the world.
I have a few questions.
You said regarding your Grandma, "Her and her husband are both very homophobic, and her husband is very violently anti-gay, it will break both their hearts."
You said that you "don't feel gay". So, what will break their hearts? I'm unsure as to what you want to share with your family regarding your sexual orientation when it seems as though you're unclear about it yourself.
It sounds like you're planning to expose much of yourself and your past to your family, and then bringing it to the media. I'm wondering if perhaps some therapy first might help you to get clear on what exactly it is you must share with all these people and the best timeline for you to do so.
tall penguin -
Abandoned
Life's a journey and lessons are ongoing. I'm glad to see you determined and I hope you go far. When I first got on the internet, shortly after Gore invented it, I got one of those shiny new AOL accounts. It came with a small web page, a place to store your photo, email, but most importantly, it came with a small place to post my motto. Back then my motto was, "be true to yourself." I believe that more than ever now. So, my friend, don't worry about where life is leading you. Take time each day to see what your options are and make the choice you sincerely feel is the best.
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Junction-Guy
Ok to answer your question more thorough, I have homosexual tendencies and same sex attraction to a degree, but gay sex itself does not turn me on. I can only fully enjoy sex with a woman, but yet the attraction part is still there. Therefore what does this make me? Bi?.
I know that when Amanda and I first got married that what I was experiencing was real. I really did love her, and the times we spent together felt so right to me. Given the above info, I feel that somehow my orientation has gotten out of whack, and Im trying my best to either repair it, if possible, or learn to cope with it better.
I have talked with alot of gay guys online and attended various meetup groups this past year, but I felt even more isolated, and ostracized than I do with my straight peers. There was no magic "Wow, this is where I fit in, this is what my life was meant to be" it was quite the opposite and was a wake up call for me.
I know this is gonna sound unrealistic, but I want to go back to that feeling that Amanda and I had when we were dating. I dont think I will ever find that again in a woman, and definitely not in a man. I will probably just remain single for the rest of my life, and Im ok with that, as long as I can make some friends along the way.
I was actually happy as a single guy before I met Amanda, just lonely and if circumstances were different I should have pursued our relationship further before jumping into marriage, and just enjoyed the dating for what it was. It probably would have saved us both alot of grief and heartache if we discovered we were incompatible. -
tall penguin
"Ok to answer your question more thorough, I have homosexual tendencies and same sex attraction to a degree, but gay sex itself does not turn me on. I can only fully enjoy sex with a woman, but yet the attraction part is still there. Therefore what does this make me? Bi?."
I'm no expert on these matters but these are some very deep and important questions you're exploring about yourself. I guess my concern is that without giving yourself some time, space and perhaps therapy to get clear on who you are, your revelations to family may be a bit premature and could cause unnecessary damage in your relationship with them. If they were supportive of you where you are in this process of discovery then that would be different, but from your description it sounds like there may be some hostility.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you've been through so much already Dave. I just wonder if taking the time for you to discover you is more important than any big reveal to family, media, etc. at this point. Perhaps that is indeed your intention. I just perceive a sense of urgency in your plans that worries me.
tall penguin -
cognizant dissident
Junction Guy, it doesn't even sound like you know for sure you are gay. Many straight people have fantasies about what it would be like to have sex with the same gender but they never act upon it. It stays a pleasant fantasy (or unpleasant, depending on the judgement you want to label it with). Anyway, even if you are bi-sexual, you have said yourself that you have no intention of acting on your homosexual feelings. So, what would be the point of coming out to everyone in your family when you know they are all homophobic? You seem to be setting yourself up as a target of ridicule for no reason. I get the impression that you seem intent on forcing the issue and everyone's hand. I'm not sure what you really have to gain by doing that. Like some of the previous posters have suggested, it might be a good idea to get some therapy before you take any course of actions you may regret. Perhaps someone else can help you gain some clarity regarding what you are really trying to accomplish as end result of this plan. I'm just concerned that you are setting yourself up for a major fall.
Cog
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lola28
JG,
Please don't take this the wrong way but I must ask, why would the media be intrested in your story? What good is it going to do to waste more of your time on this cult? I think that in an effort to be supportive many of the posters here are doing you a great disservice, I can't understand how so many think it is healthy and ok for you to continue spending you energy on this cult. By all means go to therapy and have a professional help you out with your issues, that's ok, that's healthy but dewlling on the past is not, you are putting your life on hold and might end up loosing precious years of your life, only to find years from now that you have made no progress because you are unable to move on. I wish you the best in whatever you chose to do.
Lola