Posts by mrhhome

i ask this question as a non-jw christian who has jw in-laws.. the jw are convinced that all non-jw christians are under the influence of satan, because the jw are the only people following scripture.

of course as you dig into the scriptural basis for what they do, you realize that it is extremely weak.

in many cases, outright contrary to the intent of scripture.. this is where i struggle as a christian in dealing with jw.

mrhhome

So if I ask a JW whether they studied, meditated, and prayed on a particular scripture, what will they likely do?

13

Need some advice

by craigulous in

to all my new friends, i need some advice.

as i posted in my original post i am not disfellowshipped, i just did a fade as i believe everyone here calls it.

i have great parents who are still part of the organization, and do not pressure me, but at the same time i must live a lie, and they have no problem with me living a lie, as long as they are comfortable.

mrhhome

I am curious. What did you decide to do?

My question is this. Why are you still playing by their rules? If you DA, you are still just playing by their rules.

My advice: Just ignore them.

I suspect that your parents do not want to shun you. They probably suspect the truth but are looking the other way.

I'll use this anology. When I was in college, I came home for a Holiday. My Baptist mother found a condom in a jacket pocket and confronted me about it. I told her that I was holding it for a friend at a bar who had no pockets and forgot about it. Lamest lie ever. She knew it was a lie. I knew that she knew it was a lie, but truth-be-told, she didn't want to hear the truth anymore than I wanted to discuss my sexual relationships with her. Of course, I also asked her why she was going through my pockets, and she dropped the subject quickly.

I can assure you. The DA issue has caused my wife and her family a great deal of pain over the years.

8

Praying and Studying Scripture

by mrhhome in

jw
friends

i ask this question as a non-jw christian who has jw in-laws.. the jw are convinced that all non-jw christians are under the influence of satan, because the jw are the only people following scripture.

of course as you dig into the scriptural basis for what they do, you realize that it is extremely weak.

in many cases, outright contrary to the intent of scripture.. this is where i struggle as a christian in dealing with jw.

mrhhome

I ask this question as a non-JW Christian who has JW in-laws.

The JW are convinced that all non-JW Christians are under the influence of Satan, because the JW are the only people following scripture. Of course as you dig into the scriptural basis for what they do, you realize that it is extremely weak. In many cases, outright contrary to the intent of scripture.

This is where I struggle as a Christian in dealing with JW. I firmly believe that the Holy Spirit will guide someone who studies, prays, and meditates on Scripture. Do the JW do this? If you encouraged a JW to actually read and pray on a two chapter section of scripture (as opposed to pulling verses out of context), would they do it?

How can they argue with scripture?

18

Ambient Abuse - This is one area that the Jehovah's Witness Are So Very Damaging To The Psyche.

by Narcissistic Supply in

jw
friends

jehovah's witness work so very hard to deny your reality.

thus you have nothing to base anything on.

no truth to base what is, in fact, truth.

mrhhome

Narcissitic Supply,

Thank you for your posts. I find them incredibly helpful to understand the pyschology of active JW. Having never been on the inside, I find myself completely bewildered when dealing with my JW in-laws. I find myself wondering "How could otherwise intelligent, caring people be doing this stuff?"

I have had several "Ah ha, now I understand" moments after reading these type of posts. Keep it up.

Mike

19

after sending him a Fb message to be a truebrother to his brother, my BIL BLOCKED ME!

by losingit in

jw
friends

i'm absolutely furious about it!

no message, just deletes me from his friends list-- which is fine.... but i can't even *message* him.

funny, the bum of a bil just had his district convention in his home country, which he attended with his mother and father.

mrhhome

I'm sorry to hear that you have to deal with this. The whole situation sucks.

Speaking as the husband of an ex-JW, I have watched the nonsense they have put my wife through. As I described in a previous post, I finally called them out about it. Who knows if it did any good.

Unfortunately, there is no right answer. If you let them get away with it unchallenged, they will just continue with their bad behavior. If you call them out, they will just retreat further into their cult shell. Good luck getting on with your life.

Sometimes, people just suck. Do not let them drag you down.

36

Am I wasting my time?

by mrhhome in

jw
friends

i am the husband of an ex-jw.

she left when she was 18, because she was dating a non-jw.

they got married, and he began openly cheating on her.

mrhhome

Thank you all for your comments. As I indicated earlier, I had been questioning whether I did the right thing. However, as many of you pointed out, you have to stand up to the JW. We have to call out their nonsense. I am going to keep prodding my brother-in-law. I think that his wheels are turning. Unfortunately, he is in a bad spot. If he stands up to the JW, it will rip apart his immediate family. However, as many of you said, you never know how much fruit a seed will bear.

Regarding Captain Obvious's comment "While the JW stuff may not have fully sunk in with her, she may still have some of the cult phobias or reactions built in." Having educated myself over the last couple of months, I now understand a great deal about my wife that I never appreciated previously. Yes, some it can be traced back to the JW. Then again, some of the good can also be traced back to her upbringing. It is pretty amazing that she has managed to keep the good and shed most of the bad. After all, we all have our pasts, and they make us who we are.

36

Am I wasting my time?

by mrhhome in

jw
friends

i am the husband of an ex-jw.

she left when she was 18, because she was dating a non-jw.

they got married, and he began openly cheating on her.

mrhhome

To clarify and be my own devil's advocate. (1) She disassociated herself at 18. (2) I was justified to be angry, but in doing so, I have driven a wedge between her and her family. In hindsight, the issues would have disappeared for another 10 years if I hadn't made an issue of it. (3) The issue occurred several months ago. I just stumbled across some of the scripture in question recently and tried to re-open a discussion with my brother-in-law.

36

Am I wasting my time?

by mrhhome in

jw
friends

i am the husband of an ex-jw.

she left when she was 18, because she was dating a non-jw.

they got married, and he began openly cheating on her.

mrhhome

I am the husband of an ex-JW. She left when she was 18, because she was dating a non-JW. They got married, and he began openly cheating on her. After several years of forgiving him, she finally divorced. No kids thankfully. Several years later, we met and eventually married. We have made a family together.

To further complicate the story, she was sexually abused by a JW when she was a young teenager. When she came forward, she was “reproved” for adultery. Fortunately, the abuser was DF’ed. However, her father is a non-believer, and her Mom has kept it secret from him to this day.

Over the years, she reached a truce with her family. We were not close, but they would visit once a year. I actually liked them.

It hit the proverbial fan at her uncle’s funeral. Her uncle and his family were JW. Her cousin is an elder. My wife wanted to support her father. I asked whether there would be any JW issues. Her Mom and brother (still JW) gave assurances that there would not be.

All went well at first. My wife spent her time helping her mother prepare the pamphlet for her JW uncle’s memorial service. I spent some time with her brother. Good guy actually. We even spent time with her uncle’s family. I offered my condolences, and my kids seemed to get along well with his grandkids.

Then the JW laid down the law. As we were preparing to get in the car to go to the memorial service, her brother stands before us with Bible in hand. He asked me if I knew a certain scripture (probably 1 Cor 5), and I responded “Not memorized.” As he began flipping through the Bible, I looked at him directly and asked “Let’s get to the point. What are you about to spring on us?”

He began shaking like a leaf. I mean really physically shaking. I have never seen anything like it before. He was obviously distraught. He responds that “I just want you to understand.” My response was something like “I grew up a Southern Baptist. I am used to watching people go over the cliff doing dumb stuff.” My wife (his sister) hugged him and held him for a while. She told him that it was all OK.

The punch-line was that we could go to the memorial service, but that my wife was shunned from the wake. After the memorial service, we met up with one of her non-JW cousins who skipped the wake and had dinner by the beach. It was actually a nice evening.

By the time we got back, I had been stewing for a while. I erupted. I walked in and ripped into her brother. “I have stayed out of this Witness nonsense for 12 years, but I’ll be damned if I am going to let anyone disrespect my wife. She came here to pay her respects to the family and support her father. How dare you throw her under the bus? I am done with this BS. This nonsense needs to end now.”

I must have been pretty mad, because I remember the frightened look in his eyes.

Later he came out and offered to shake my hand. I looked at him and said “I am sorry. I don’t have it in me. I cannot shake hands with someone who will do that to my wife.”

Needless to say, her family has since avoided us like the plague. We have corresponded and gotten the usual JW lines. Her Mom even came close to saying that the sexual abuse was my wife’s fault. She is all twisted and contorted inside.

Of course, I came to a revelation. As I began studying the scripture they cited for shunning family, I discovered that the scripture does not support their actions. I have attempted to engage them in a meaningful discourse on that scripture, but they have avoided the subject.

In hindsight, I regret getting angry. Of course, it is an impossible position as a husband. If I defend my wife, I will drive a wedge between her and her family. If I maintain the peace, I have to let JW walk all over her. That is not something I can support. She has been a loyal wife, a dedicated Mom, and an exemplary Christian. She deserves better.

My wife thinks that I am wasting my time trying to talk to them. As she says, "You underestimate the power of their conviction. You cannot reason with them."

Maybe she is right, but I hold out hope that her brother will realize that this is non-sense. Am I wasting my time?