i just wanted to say hello.
i am an ex jw.
i walked away in the mid 80's.
Hey Brandy, Welcome! Have you communed with ex JW's before? If not I can imagine you are in shock, I sure was when I found this site. Have you heard about the UN yet? How about that generation that was old enough to have reached the age of reason in 1914! It had been bothering me for years wondering how they were going to get out of that one!!! One stroke of the pen and POOF everything we had been taught for a lifetime was gone!
Deb
i am 47 and my parents are 73 and 78. my mom is such a hateful woman, out of 6 kids, i am the only one that even bothers with them, i call every week and have visited them often in arizona (i live in wisconsin) anyway i recently had an argument with my mom.
she insists on using the "n" word and my step-granddaughter is of mixed race.
even before that i hated that word.
I am appreciating the advice, I am so ahamed of my messed up family and it helps to know I am not alone. In our family the biggest insult you can throw is "oh you're just like mom." As far as love covering a multitude of sins, I have been covering the sins of my parents for my entire life, it gets old and never seems to help. When I was about 11, my Mom was mad as us kids, and she said to me, "I am going to go kill myself, I just can't take you kids anymore" She got in her car and drove off. She came back hours later and I was waiting on the sidewalk, with tears streaming down my face, I thought she had killed herself and it was my fault. She got out of her car and said "whats the matter, why are you crying?" I said "I thought you killed yourself, you said you were going to kill yourself, I'm sorry I was bad" I was sobbing, and she just went in the house with a smirk on her face. Not another word was said.
i am 47 and my parents are 73 and 78. my mom is such a hateful woman, out of 6 kids, i am the only one that even bothers with them, i call every week and have visited them often in arizona (i live in wisconsin) anyway i recently had an argument with my mom.
she insists on using the "n" word and my step-granddaughter is of mixed race.
even before that i hated that word.
I am 47 and my parents are 73 and 78. My mom is such a hateful woman, out of 6 kids, I am the only one that even bothers with them, I call every week and have visited them often in Arizona (I live in Wisconsin) Anyway I recently had an argument with my Mom. She insists on using the "N" word and my step-granddaughter is of mixed race. Even before that I hated that word. I have gently told Mom how bad I feel when she uses that word and she always finds a way to use it. I finallly blew up, after years of stuffing my feelings.
I feel bad because my folks are old people, and I don't want to be mean, but dammit I can't take this crap anymore. Mom is a hypochondriac - big time, and she had another one of her famous "heart attacks" and implied it was my fault for upsetting her. She has cried wolf too many times and I don't believe her. What do you do with old people, do you pussyfoot around just because they are old? I am their only contact with anyone, they have no friends, not one relative even speaks to them. I don't want to abandon them in their old age, but how much can I take.
This is only the tip of the iceburg there is so much more, I don't know how to handle it. Please, advice needed.
Deb
twickenham stadium.
london.
so i'll drive up there this next coming sunday, stressed to the eyeballs with all the traffic, making wrong turns, panicking when the traffic gets too heavy in central london, wondering if i'm following the right turns, stopping and looking at my a-z, wishing my family we're still with me.
Scooby dooby doo,
I am sorry you feel alone. It is hard to leave and even harder to stay. You feel stuck Huh? I know how scary it can be to contemplate life without the comfort of the community you are used to. If you decide to leave, you really can develope a feeling of community on the outside and you really do feel a part of things, honest you do, but it just takes a little time and gobs of courage.
Deb
when i first was studying with the duds, one of the things i found interesting is that duds are ok with drinking alcohol, "in moderation".
i never was a big drinker, usually one drink if i'm out and will have to drive and no more than three in any 24 hour period, even if i'm staying home.. i wonder if the fact the "the judge" was a rumpot contributed to the soft attitude on alcohol?
most of the brothers i knew were big drinkers and many of the older elders drank more with dinner that i drink in a weekend.
Most of the dubs I knew were closet drinkers, no one had alcohol at gatherings, at least not big gatherings, but the booze flowed aplenty at small gatherings. When our CO became a circuit overseer they bought a big camping rig to travel in, the wife showed me where they hid the booze when we got the tour of their new JWmobile. She lifted the seat and showed me a compartment and said, "this is where we hide the booze" and there was a lot in there!
i can tell you how bad it felt.
it felt bad every time i put some "doily" on my head cuz some fourteen year old baptized freak was saying the pryaer that day.
it felt good when i had to put a napkin on my head, knowing i was the oldest child, because my brother was baptized... and i was older and babysitting him.. to show "submission.".
I have a story for this one!!!!! Back in 1989, before my whole life blew up in my face our family was "chosen" for a trip to Poland to encourage the "brothers and sisters" there. Wow it was quite the deal. The society actually approved our going. I guess we were going to show off how great we American witlesses were, at the time it seemed so great but now I can't believe it. Anyway
My elder husband was disfellowshipped for his behavior which I have posted about before and after the JC which I was able to attend with him I went up to the CO and said well, I guess were not going to Poland. His eyes bulged with panic and he said I can't discuss this with you, I have to discuss this with your husband. I was a woman and so he could not discuss weighty spiritual matters with me.
So he walked 3 feet away from me to where my filthy wrongdoing and now disfellowshipped husband was standing, and told HIM that we couldn't go to Poland.
What a joke, I was standing right there listening, but he couldn't discuss it with me. I was so angry and it all was beginning to hit home, I was beginning to realize what a farce the whole thing is. It was the very first time that I realized what a joke I was as a JW woman. I was not a whole person, I was less than, I did not exist. As if the brown paper on mirrors wasn't enough to convince me!!!!!
Deb
i just had a jw come to my door and i had to threaten her to get her to leave!
i told the woman right off i was 'apostate' and had no intention of changing it.
she kept asking me personal questions which i told her were none of her business and she said she would have the elders come by and i told her that if they came by the better be wearing bullet proof vests!
Rayvn,
I don't know how to work the quote thingy, but you said "I felt like my life was being threatened" I feel that you had a legitimate reaction. I think threatening to kill was probably not a good idea, but when you explain it they way you did in the above, I can understand how you felt. The Witnesses have such power, I do not think you gave them your power, they just came and took it. That is just so awful. I have felt the same 20,000 volts up my spine. But now that the emotional dam has broken it will most likely be easier to manage future encounters. The worst is over-yes? BE SAFE AND STRONG.
Deb
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you know the type... always going on about how their car got possessed by the devil because someone left a pack of cigarettes in it.
or maybe their pots and pans started flying around the house because they bought something from a garage sale.. there are also the types who won't eat skittles because they contain an ingredient made from dried and crushed beetles... which means that they were not properly bled.. and the types who won't let their kids watch cartoons because the animals talk... like satan did with the snake.. then there are they types who are always into the latest get-rich-quick scam... or amway and trying to get everyone in the congregation to buy something.. oh, and don't get me started about the demon possessed smurfs who run around kingdom halls swearing and accosting the women with their teeny-peenies.. what's up with this!?!?
Perhaps its inbreeding, JW's have a finite number of potential mates, I'm kidding but the congregation I used to belong to is run by two dominant, large families and each family had a lot of kids who grew up and married each other. The congregation is completely interrelated and it has spread to neighboring congregations. These folks have to do some traveling to find a mate they are not related to. Makes my skin crawl.
The Amish have a problem with inbreeding, and as a result they have a problem with small heads and six fingers, the small heads are called microcephalis (I think) and I don't know if there is a name for having six fingers, but there you have it
INBREEDING the JW conditions may be called smurficalitilitis and towthelineoryouwillbedeadis, I prescribe some sort of ectomy, perhaps an organizationectomy.
Deb
ok, i'm a single female in her early 30s looking for someone to settle down with.
i'd like to have kids, but the trouble with dating guys who are over 30 is that by now most have a kid and/or have decided they don't want any/more.
so i am getting faced with the dilemma of maybe finding that someone special, but he may not want to have kids.
Oh they are a lot of work, I had 4 in 5 years and I still can't figure out how I did it. The rewards are great and so are the worries. I was divorced and then single for 7 years, when I met my sweetie, he had children and of course so did I. But check this out, he made an offer to seal the deal, in case I wanted more children, he offered to have his vasectomy reversed.
Wow! That man really loves me, what a huge offer to make. I thanked him and declined the offer (six kids is plenty) and we are now being presented with grandchildren, number 4 is on the way.
Anyway are kids worth it, yes they are. Raising them can be wonderful and later the rewards are great, they come to visit with kids of their own, dogs and all that baby stuff, they fill the house right up-with love and laughter.
Deb
i just had a jw come to my door and i had to threaten her to get her to leave!
i told the woman right off i was 'apostate' and had no intention of changing it.
she kept asking me personal questions which i told her were none of her business and she said she would have the elders come by and i told her that if they came by the better be wearing bullet proof vests!
Ravyn,
It sounds like my sister was at your door, she would behave that way. No gun, no threats. When they show up say leave now or I will call the police, get the phone and start dialing 911immediately. Can you get an order of protection against the JW's? Has anyone done that, get an order of protection against an organization, can you do that? Anybody here know if that can be done. I would give it a try. They are harrassing you and you have a right to protection.
Deb
