Posts by FreeToBeMe

29

Bad Day

by Sirona in

i'm posting here because i can't find any other forum to post to about this....plus you all know me and you are a great group of people.. i'm having a really bad day today.

all of a sudden it seems to have "hit" me that i had cancer.

i've been all clear for about 3 months, but all the while i've been terrified of it returning.

FreeToBeMe

((((Sirona))))

Hang in there. I can identify both with the phobia of dentistry, and the fear associated with cancer recurring... I live with both.

re. the dentistry, when the pain becomes severe enough THEN I do something about it; not the recommended way of going about it at all really. There's a greater likelihood of the phobia being realised due to the amount of dental work required. So I guess that's what NOT to do.

re. the cancer, I got my all clear just over a year ago. However, it doesn't stop the initial thought when pain in that area is felt (which is fairly frequently) that the old disease is back again. I have found the support of a local cancer support group invaluable... I found them thro' my local Oncology Dept. As others have stated, such concerns are 'normal'. The fact that such concerns & worries are often faced by others AND negotiated successfully can give us the strength to deal with our concerns. I have also benefitted from hearing other's experiences that have put my own concerns into a broader perspective.

Ultimately, I've had to train my mind to think beyond the intiaI thought and to think again.I found the NHS were good once the disease was diagnosed in dealing with the medical aspects of cancer, however I have also found their emotional support to be woefully lacking, hence the cancer support group (which is an unaffiliated voluntary service).

I wish you well in your continuing journey of recovery.

FreeToBeMe

36

OFFICIAL: Bill Bowen Was DF'ed

by ErieGuy in

edited by - erieguy on 26 july 2002 8:1:4.

FreeToBeMe

So Bill Bowen got df'd ..... personally, I don't see the big deal. Has this guy become something of a 'messiah' for the most recent disfellowshipees? What's the big deal with being df'd anyway? I, like most of the people in this forum negotiated their df'ing with grace, and without buying into the Org's. games. We bucked Org. procedure, and when elders demanded we meet with them for some kangeroo court, we said 'No'. We, each of us individually, removed the power of the Org. by not giving it power over us... and many of us prepared the way for people like Bill Bowen, who can thank their lucky stars that they have 'an issue' they can attached their anger too.

Bill Bowen now has the 'fellowship' of Silentlambs, and similar forums, and I am pleased for him, as I am for others similarly placed, but don't forget that whilst some of you continued attaching so much importance to Org. doctrine, procedure and philosophy, many of us suffered because of it, and suffered in silence. Fortunately, the 'silence' has now become a deafening roar, but only now have people like Bill Bowen finally heard us. We may be silenced again, we may continue to roar... the 'truth' is the Org. will never be quite the same. However, there will continue to be those who are deaf to the lamb's roar, as many have been up to now.

I wish Bill Bowen all the best in his efforts. The internet has proved to be a wonderful forum for bringing us all together. But, let's not forget those who have suffered in silence, who thought (and in their minds knew) they were alone, and have either managed, or not, to deal with their pain without the support now afforded those who have access to it. The strength Bill Bowen has is not his own, but is that which has been given him as a gift by those that have preceded him. Let's pray he doesn't misuse that strength in harping upon an issue of little consequence, his disfellowshipping. The silent lambs deserve better.

FreeToBeMe

14

FAMILY ROOTS

by Satanus in

i have felt drawn back to the place i was born for the last year or two.

i would be interested if others feel a connection w the area where they were born or grew up.

is it home??

FreeToBeMe

Hi Saint & others,

I too have revisited 'my roots', and as mentioned by LadyLee it was as a part of abuse recovery... for me a form of closure. Returning to these places as an adult, physically at least, allowed me to see them from a different perspective and therefore assisted emotional development. As a child I did what I had to do as a child, as an adult I was able to return and say 'no more'. It was cathartic to realise that the abusive environment I was once in had moved on, and therefore so could I. The memories I had of these places lost their power, for the fact is that I'd been keeping the memories alive, as I had nothing to compare them with.

I can't really explain it, but actually seeing that the houses I once lived in, the rooms I once slept & ate in, the cupboards and closets I was locked in, weren't as big as I once remembered them was, so powerful. A child's physical perception of people, places and situations is just so different to that of an adult. Sure I got flashbacks, but I was able to apply rational adult reasoning to these. I found a degree of peace, and have since been able to return to the vicinity of these areas without experiencing these flashbacks.(I say vicinity, because I have no further wish to intrude upon those that now live in the houses I once lived in. Incidentally, the understanding and compassion granted me by these house owners was diametrically opposed to the view promoted by the JWs of those 'in the world').

Curiously, I have also met up with former school associates, who for whatever reason acted out their own and their parent's prejudices. It was great!!! It seems that some of them had been carrying years of guilt for what they had done, and meeting up with a forgiving and understanding me proved to be a huge release for them. They said "Sorry", I said "Thank you." We did the Brit thing of shaking hands (Brit blokes ain't great huggers), had a laugh, and then got on with our lives.

This is so different from the attitude and behaviours of my parents and other JWs. They continue to maintain their self-righteousness and actually appear to resent me. Resent me??? Well, I ask you!! It's 23 years since I left!!! I've got to laugh, though really it is quite sad and tragic. However, that is the life that they choose to lead. Whether they are happy or sad with it, is no concern of mine.. live and let live. Incidentally, my parents could not understand how I maintained a joyful demeanour and an inner peace whilst I was fighting cancer, they thought this was God's judgement of me after 17 years (at the time) of being out of the Org. Just how sick is that?

I also remember my father saying, "I never thought that you were going to die before me." (Was he with Job in a former life??? lolol). I thought later "Dad, you never though you were going to die period." Mind you, even in this there is hope. He has followed JW doctrine since 1979 with reference to shunning me, but his comments give me an indication that it is all 'shoulders up' stuff, intellect... in his 'heart' he hasn't been able to consider me dead. Even for one of the most stalwart of JWs, the doctrine can't take away what is in the heart.

Hmmmmm, I gone on a bit, thanx for the posting saint

FreeToBeMe

40

PLEASE be nice to the newbies!

by Mulan in

jw
friends

on thursday evening, i received a phone call from a young woman, i have been helping by talking and emailing.

i have never met her.

bill bowen put her in touch with me nearly a year ago.

FreeToBeMe

Hilary,

I applaud your post. being free of the Org. doesn't mean we are free to do whatever we like regardless of the consequences. Sometimes we can detract from our necessity to change our own beliefs, attitudes and behaviours by pointing the finger at someone else, e.g. they should be more mature. What about us?

Telling someone else what to do because we can't be bothered to address our own unacceptable behaviour is, in my opinion, the maintenance of the JW mind-set (though not the prerogative of JWs). Maturity isn't the prerequisite of others, it is ours. Surely the mature thing to do is to think being you 'speak'. Isn't it maturity to accept responsibility for our own behaviour, as opposed to the arrogance of 'there's nothing wrong with me'?

Eric Fromm indicates the difficulty attached to responsibility, it hurts, it's scary. If I'm responsible for me then when I screw-up I owe it to myself to change, and I might not know how to change. I might then discover that I need the help of others to signpost, initiate and otherwise motivate that change. However, if I'm still stuck in the mind-set of my own self-righteousness, then thinking and doing things in a different way will be frightening; there's a certain sense of security in the familiar, even if it is wrong. Admitting our own fallabilities and need to change our own attitudes, beliefs and behaviours challenges, in my view, the JW mindset. Accepting the help of others in instigating change blows it out of the water.

Benjamin Franklin said "Those things that hurt, instruct" Isn't pain management the sign of maturity? Maybe especially so when dealing with emotional hurt. From my own experience, I was to discover that I was emotionally immature after years of social isolation in the JW Org, however it took the understanding and compassion of others to nurse me towards a state of emotional improvement. Sure, I ran off at the mouth, used inappropriate language & behaviour (and paid the consequences for it), but thro' a balance of HEALING nurturance AND control I moved on. (The control issue is another thing, suffice to say that I consider JWs (& others) provide ample examples of unhealthy control).

So, bottom line.... we are all learning, newbies & veterans. Most times we'll get it right, and sometimes we'll screw-up. When we get it right, we learn... when we get it wrong, we can learn, a no-lose situation .... so much unlike my experiences in JWs when I could never win.

FreeToBeMe

1

Paedophile register

by ChristianObserver in

the following has been posted on the aol christianity board under topic suggestions.. comment >>what about the register of over 23,000 paedophiles kept at brooklyn?

seems there is a protection of criminals going on!.

response from a uk poster which has stopped any further discussion >if it is public knowledge that there is a such a register, then it would be simple for the legal authorities to obtain a copy of the register.>.

FreeToBeMe

ChristianObserver,

If only life was that simple...

So far as the UK goes, such information in the UK would be covered under the Data Protection Act 1984 and as such may well be considered 'priviledged information', this is akin to the communications between doctor & patient, priest & parisher (e.g. confessionals) and lawyer & client. In order to seize this information a court order would need to be obtained from a Circuit Judge following an 'inter-party' hearing.. or the holder of the info (e.g. the WTB&TS) may volunteer it.

I would imagine that the latter is unlikely to happen... the former is only likely to happen as part of a criminal investigation, and then the holder of the info (e.g. the WTB&TS) could only for forced to provide such info. as is pertinent to that specific investigation.

The justice system is geared as such that the police cannot go on 'fishing expeditions' hoping to uncover something that may or may not exist, and that is a necessary protection for all, not just the JWs.

Somewhat more cynically, the criminal justice system may well consider the existence of said 'register' to be of little to no objective consequence and maybe not even worth the hassle, in spite of our own individual and more subjective concerns and curiosity.

Bottom line, I don't know ;)

FreeToBeMe

226

UK & IRELAND MAP

by ballistic in

jw
friends

i had an idea that i could build a uk map of everyones location which would show you instantly who is in your area from jwd.. (it might be an idea to do a seperate us one aswell but i'll wait and see if this one takes off first, or if anyone from the us wants to volunteer to do that one).

(and australia but you are all in the same backyard anyway - literally!!!).

anyway, all you have to do is post or email me your username and town and i will draw you on the map above which will change gradually to include everyone!.

FreeToBeMe

Hi Ballastic,

Feel free to include me,

just to the East of London... Essex boy ;), though I hasten to add, not by birth... hence I don't drive a beat-up Ford Cortina or have furry dice hanging from the rear view mirror, my name is not Wayne and my wife doesn't answer to 'Tracie'.

... I wonder if our US friends have Essex boy/girl equivalents.

40

PLEASE be nice to the newbies!

by Mulan in

jw
friends

on thursday evening, i received a phone call from a young woman, i have been helping by talking and emailing.

i have never met her.

bill bowen put her in touch with me nearly a year ago.

FreeToBeMe

she may find this 'group' supportive too

http://groups.msn.com/JehovahWitnessRecovery/welcome1.msnw

there's no prerequisite to contribute anything more than presence, and she'll be free to peruse the website at will. The group has an eclectic approach and is as diverse as this forum, albeit no where near as big. The choice is her's, though I know that with PTSD (and other issues) the best place to be in the first instance is face -to-face with qualified and appropriate professionals.

I hope she continues with her journey of recovery. Yes, it is painful at times but the rewards for the effort are more than worth it.

FreeToBeMe

8

How big is the JW org?

by RubyTuesday in

jw
friends

major denominational families of christianity

(this table does not include all christians.

these numbers are estimates, and are here primarily to assist in ranking branches by size, not to provide a definitive count of membership.

FreeToBeMe

14.8m ??????????????

Never mind the memorial attendees, maybe that just the number of doors they knocked on last year .... given the dramatic drop in service hours...

or maybe it's the number of times they knocked on one door being convinced someone was inside.

Li'l ol' cynical me ;)

(Baptised publishers nearer 6m... somewhat lower than their Salt Lake City rivals!!)

13

Introducing Myself

by FreeToBeMe in

hi folks,.

briefly, i now live just outside london, uk.

parents converted to jws when i was 2. moved twice to 'where the need was greater'.

FreeToBeMe

Hi folks,

Briefly, I now live just outside London, UK. Parents converted to JWs when I was 2. Moved twice to 'where the need was greater'. First time in '69 to Norfolk, then in '72 to Caithness. (The move to Caithness a premptive strike before Armaggedon, and our goodbyes to Norfolk JWs included "the next time we meet will be in the new system.") I was baptised at 11, being fully conversant of the JW philosophy and well aware that I was signing my own death warrant (as I saw it then... my reason for baptism being parental approval). At 13 I was beaten one time too many... this time for telling out landlord that we were JWs. Therein began my quest to escape.

Began asking questions... the most troublesome of which was "How do you balance a God of Love with a God that is going to annihilate over 5 billion people?" (I got hit and went hungry for that one too). Found myself being ostarcised by members of the congregation. Threw myself into service, and succeeded only in alienating myself from other less enthusiatic JWs of my own age. Eventually the inevitable happened, at 18 was introduced to a nonJW young lady (we hit it off almost instantly). At 19 thrown out of the family home for kissing girlfriend... (a peck on the cheek before I went to work... no tongues!!!! honest). Df'd at 20... reason N/K. I wasn't prepared to play their games viz, judicial committees, etc etc etc.

Also married at 20. Firstborn 14 months later (which kinda upset my parents as they thought it was a shotgun wedding, and therefore their theory blown out of the water... unless of course they think my wife is an elephant [2 year gestation period], which I wouldn't put beyond their realms of logic.) Second son 14 months after the first. I moved down to London in '81. Embarked upon a solo journey of recovery from a dysfunctional and abusive JW childhood ... yes I am a survivor too... and promptly screwed up my life for a time in the bottom of a bottle.

1993 packed up the booze (period). Began a journey of learning to trust other human beings. 1996 nearly died from cancer (bowel)... and in the process came to understand a concept of a God of love. Have very few regrets in my life given I've incorporated decades of adversity into making me a different, kinder, tolerant and compassionate person. Am grateful in a perverse sort of way for the JWs teaching me what NOT to do, and how NOT to be. I have no religious affiliation, I have found those churches I have visited 'wanting'. 1996 marked the year I joined the human race for the first time ever... and for today at least, I am happy.

54

Ex witnesses in UK

by Michelleatkin in

i'm new to this site, found it whilst looking at panarama web site.

are there many here from uk, even lancashire?

if so, please let me know as it would be nice to speak to some ex-witnesses in uk.

FreeToBeMe

Hi Michelle (and others),

I am new to this forum too. I was persuaded that it was well worth looking into by some other members, who also happen to be members of an msn group/chatroom I am in. I'm in the UK too, the South-East now, though I lived well North when JWs and I parted company 23 years ago... maybe there is something in the air north of Watford ;). I hear there is an exJW convention planned in Sept in Wales should you be interested (though I tend not to do the convention thing myself).

As an extra, may I also add my thanks to the sterling efforts of those who are responsible for keeping this site running. I have found some most useful and thought-provoking information. Hope to add more stuff as I becomes used to this group.

Take care, keep safe, God bless.... now where's the send butto....