I dont believe in God for the most part. But at times like this I have to wonder if I have truly pissed God off from a very young age and have been doomed to live out this existance as a punishment.
God is love, mercy and forgiveness, not punishment. Jesus is the good Shepard and loves and takes care of his flock. If you are feeling lost, you need only call on him for help. He can hardly help you, if you do not seek it.
Imagine this, Jesus the loving and good Shepard is watching over his flock. A little lamb (ie. you) wanders off and gets into trouble.. soon you find yourself alone, scared and unsure of where your future is. When Jesus hears your bleats for help he leaves the 99 sheep that have not wandered anywhere, and comes looking for you.
This parable as told in the Bible, is a loving story. On the other hand, the Jehovah's Witnesses would have you believe that it's the responsibility of the little lamb to find the Shepard, however this is not what scripture teaches. If you listen to the Jehovah's Witnesses too much, they'll have you believing that the good Shepard carries a double-barrel shotgun, and will shoot wayward sheep on sight!
I believe very strongly that you are a lost sheep. I believe you were lost from the day you were born and you don't know why. I believe you will be lost until the day you die - unless you do something about it - anything, but please do something. I suggest moving to another state, getting a new job and helping those people less fortunate than yourself (even if you just sponsor a single child in a 3rd world country), and most importantly treat other people as you would like to be treated. I sence something about you... pm me to find out more.