guys i really need your help

Cordelia

todaythings have really come to a head and i have a massive decusion to make by 7pm tonight!

basically i have been dfed since march tryed to get reinstated two weeks ago but they said no, thing is i only did it for my family esp my dad he is not well and i love him to pieces.

but when i got dfed i had a boyfriend and things have been up and down (hes put up with alot) but he is sticking by my side and i love him and want to be open about him and not lie anymore,

i have been lying to my lovely dad letting him think i am coming back when really its not what i want,

anyway today i take my 3 year old daughter to my mums and shes having another down day coz shes knows i am getting divorced and apparently loads of gossip is going round the jws about me! and she starts crying and shouting and i just have enough i tell her i dont believe its the truth and i love my bf so she kicks me and my daughter out,

then my dad is waiting round the corner and i just break down and tell him everything, and his answer is that he will come round to my house alot and study with me and answer any 'questions' i have and i say 'no i just dont want to go anymore and i want to be with my bf'

he was so hurt and is coming round at 7 tonight coz he said if i dont give my bf up for 6 months have no contact (so i can get reinstated) then he cant have anything to do with me and he is so hurt coz he thinks im so close to being reinstated,

i love him so much but i honestly feel like im gonna have a breakdown if i live this double life anymore, i dont want to lose my dad but i feel now is the time i must stand up and give me and my bf a proper go and stop the meetings all together!

will i be happier like that?? i know it will set me back if i ever did want to get reinstated but should i be honest even tho it will hurt my dad??

googlemagoogle

i think it's actually you'r dad who has to make a decision... this is the only life you got, live it your way. ((Cordelia))

rebel8

If it was me in that situation (and it's not), the answer would be yes--I'd be honest. However, it's you--not me.

Imagine you have a scale with 2 sides. On 1 side you have your dad's feelings. On the other side you have your personal happiness + your bf's happiness + your daughter's freedom from contact with the org + your own freedom from living a double live.

Which side weighs the most? If it's your dad then go for reinstatement. If it's not, find the most tactful way to tell your dad the truth.

Hope that helps.

mrsjones5

Cordelia,

I've been following your posts and I can see your in a lot of pain over this having to choose between your father/the jws and your bf/your sanity.

will i be happier like that?? After reading what you have posted I think you know the answer to that - dont you? i know it will set me back if i ever did want to get reinstated but should i be honest even tho it will hurt my dad?? Yes, you should be honest with your Dad. Youre an adult of almost 30 years and a mom also, have a bit of backbone my dear. I dont think you really want to get reinstated and for once the "brothers" are right - you shouldnt do just it to please your family.

Josie

PaulJ

Its so tough Cordy, but ultimately you have to make a decision that many have made on here already. You either carry on living the lie or not, upsetting people in the process. You have to understand that its not neccessarily you dad talking to you in that instance but rather the 'truth'.

The whole idea of the shunning thing is 2-fold. One, the GB dont want the fand and file JW's whats really going on, which they will find out if they speak to DF'd ones and secondly they assume if you miss the contact with friends and family that you will go back (its crazy because they want you to go back for the RIGHT reasons, but they give you what would be considered a WRONG reason to go back!!!)

I was lucky because my dad gradually stopped talking to me, and although i miss him, i truly feel sorry for him.

It is a life changing decision you have to make, to a certain extent, but one you know was coming. If it was me i would bite the bullet and say you are finished with JW's. But thats my situation where i am fortunate enough to have other family out of the 'truth' as well.

You have your boyfriend and daughter, and as soon as your dad leaves tonight you will feel a certain weight off your shoulders. (i did when i posted my DA letter thrut the KH door! It felt like the sun had come out and a huge chorus had sung hallelujah!)

But saying this you know the decision is yours. I think tho, that leaving the JW's behind for good is the one you wont live to regret.

Please let us know how it goes tho...

PaulJ

luna2

Awww, Cordelia. I'm so sorry it all blew up like that.

This is only my personal opinion, but I think being honest and true to yourself is the best thing you can do. Tell your Dad how much you love him. Tell him you tried to go back even though it wasn't what you really wanted only because you did want to please him and make him happy...that he is that important to you. You aren't going to be able to be reinstated unless its something you really want. You don't seem to be the kind of person who can put on a convincing act (I think this is a very good thing), so why put yourself through this torture any more?

Honesty, while it can be painful, is ultimately best. Hope it goes well tonight.

(((hugs)))

daystar

I think you know what you should do. It will be painful in the short run, but you will be free in the long. If the love between you and your father is real and strong, then he will not remain out of your life for good. If he does, then it is not real and his love for the WBTS is just stronger.

Being an obsessive quoter, I believe I've passed this your way before. You might really think about this; what this really means:

This above all; to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man,
Farewell; my blessing season this in thee!

William Shakespeare - To Thine Own Self Be True

LouBelle

only you know what will make you happy. That is how you need to live your life.

TheListener

Oh Cordelia I feel so sad for you. Stress like this isn't what Jesus had in mind.

Your dad is the one who needs to make the decision (and your mom too, although her initial reaction wasn't good). You need to live your life so that you are happy. If that means staying with our bf and not with the truth, then so be it. Your parents can love you for who you are (warts and all - in their opinion) or they can reject their own daughter based on their religious feelings.

If you do what your parents want there is a chance that you'll never be good enough for them. First it's reinsatement then it's more regular meeting attendance and study and more service time. It never ends. Also, what happens when you bf wants to celebrate his bday? The Society gets involved in every aspect of life.

Good luck.

Cori

Im so sorry you are hurting right now. (((Cordy)))

I think you need to be true to yourself. Dont be unhappy, just to make others happy. Even though they are family. And that can be tough, trust me. But you have to be true to yourself because ultimately, this is your life, and are entitled to live it however makes you happy. Your family should understand.

Best of luck to you!!

Cori

guys i really need your help

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