guys i really need your help (page 6)

diamondblue1974

((Cordy))

Sorry that things are as they are for you right now.....

You are caught between a rock and a hardplace right now with no real easy answers; you have competing affections and love for your parents as well as your boyfriend and that is perfectly natural given your situation.

You have to consider what is right for you and your own...your dad will still have your mum regardless of this situation and you will have nobody or the prospects of reconcilliation with an abusive husband if you go along with their wishes. Perhaps things will work out with your boyfriend...perhaps they wont...nobody can tell but either way you deserve to have the freedom to live your life the way you want to...and to make decisions for yourself...to learn by your own mistakes (or someone elses if you are clever about it).

This is classic emotional blackmail and perhaps in your Dads defense he doesnt actually realise it but it is and you cannot allow yourself to be swayed by it...if you do you will resent your parents for a long time afterwards and surely they dont want that. You have made your decision and now the decision is with your Dad as to whether he accepts it, if he or you suffer as a result of his decision then that is not your fault...its his!

In my view your boyfriend is a side issue and one your Dad is playing on because of the rumours flying round but the real issue is...you dont wish to be a Jehovahs Witness anymore and you and your parents must find some way in which to deal with this fact and accept each other for your choices.

I do hope it goes well and that your parents listen to their paternal/maternal instincts as opposed to their indoctrinated ones.

Be strong...

DB74

Cordelia

not been able to get to my computer for a few days, so just read your comments thanks i know u are all right and really appreciate your support,

i just spoke to my dad he wants to come up again on fri, and now is saying 'dont worry about the group just make thurs and suns' my mum spoke to me too! and said i have no choice but to do the right thing i said well ill be misserable she said i think i will be but really ill be happy coz i am doing it for jeh, i said ill do things for jeh but its the witnesses that are ruling my life jeh would want me to be happy (that didnt go down well.) my brother (a ms) has just said he doesnt want to go anymore so now my parents are so upset they said they feel dead inside i said if they feel like that anyway i may as well be happy and not go to the meetings anymore (that didnt go down well either!)

The piont now is; i obviously have to do something more drastric, but what?

i told my bf the big stand i have made but as i am still planning on going to some meetings (one reason is my little daughter is there and i sit with her half the meeting) he feels like he is still in the position he always was hiding from everyone! and thats not fair,

why cant i just be honest, (its such a shame im dfed wish i had just faded!)

caligirl

((((((((Cordelia))))))))))))

I'm so sorry that you are going though this. The advice you have received here is right... it is their choice, not yours. You have made your choice to them clear. In what your Mom said, it is the old "we can be happy later and count yourself lucky to have the privilege of being miserable" arguement.

My mother once wrote an anniversary card to my Dad that said " Even though our children won't survive Armageddon, at least we'll have each other in the new system" Sad thing is, my Dad showed me the "beautiful card" and forgot about the note at the bottom. I guess my point is that the pain they cause themselves by their belief is not your burden to carry.

Be true to yourself...no one on earth has the position of judging your decisions. You and your daughter will be much better off in the long run not to play the game that they are asking you to play. What of telling your mother that hypocrites do not make God happy, and that is what you'd be if you went back just for them?

And it looks like you may have your brother in your life if he leaves like he says he wants to, regardless of what your parents decide (and it is their decision) so that is a good thing.

I wish you peace, even though that seems far off right now.

LittleToe

Sounds like your dad is still trying to control his "little girl".

He thinks i dont want to give him the chance because my emotions are involved because i want to be with the lad, but he is ignoring what i want and trying to helpme 'spritually' anyway!

Unfortunately he doesn't seem to see the otehr side of the coin - it's only because of your emotions towards family that you've stuck it out for eight months in the first place!

Good luck, over the coming days, weeks and months

Cordelia

ross you have hit the nail on the head! i told my dad that is why i have stuck things out and i think what has made me feel so bad now, and he said he understood but hes not going to be around forever and wants to see me ok before he dies!! that is emotional backmail (tho i know he doesnt mean it like that)

thing is it seems like the only thing i can do is just stop going altogether but i know it will hurt them so much, im just still trying to have everyone i love, thats why i thought about getting reinstated so i could speak to everyone and then dating my bf, but it wouldnt be fair to ask him to go back to hiding and just see me sometimes after all weve been thru, coz if i got reinstated he really would have to hide wouldnt he?

so. if i want to be with him seems the only choice is to stop completely going to meetings and be strong enough to stick by it, tho i will completely lose my family and i dont want to ever resent my bf for that.coz it isnt his fault,

why is there no easy way??

diamondblue1974

As much as its regretful that you think you will lose your family try to bear in mind that your happiness is the most important here...not theres not your boyfriends...yours!

I laughed a little when you said what your mum had mentioned about 'you will be happy that you are doing it for Jehovah'; that is such a cop out...look after yourself and your own happiness...no loving creator would want you to be unhappy.

funkyderek

Cordelia:

why is there no easy way??

Because the rules of the Watchtower cult are designed to make it difficult to leave. Their way of holding on to members and quelling dissent is to make the cost of leaving or questioning their teachings as high as possible. It will cost you a lot to leave. But it will cost you more to stay.

jgnat

Hi, Cordelia. I think your dad is treating you like any other congregation member he'd be trying to wheedle back. He brings out the magazines. He pleads for you not to give up "all the hard work" you have put in. He appeals to your emotions. He pretends the decision is all yours, and he won't hear you until you make the decision he wants.

What disturbs me is that your parents obviously know you are an emotional girl, and they are banking on you changing your mind yet again.

i obviously have to do something more drastric, but what?

Actually, you have to do very little. Stop arguing with them and start doing what you want. Be open and public with your relationship with your boyfriend. Bring him along to all events. Stop going to the meetings. This is the nonviolent style of protest birthed from such great human rights advocates as Martin Luther King and Mahatma Ghandi.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-violence

I had another thought from your other posts. You remind me of what I was like when I first left my violent ex-husband. For many years I denied I had any negative emotion, especially anger. I associated anger with violence and cruelty, and I could not bear to think I had residing in my soul that same ugly coil. I am pretty sure Lady Lee somewhere has laid out that it is OK to be angry about how you are being treated, or to disappoint people you love. The trick is in how you do it.

Cordelia

thanks you all again, i really appreciate your support.

ive just come off a two hr long conversation with my dad and have told him what i really want and that i resent the 'truth' and believe the wt makes up its own rules and is not backed by jeh, (i said alot more but he actually was calm but i could tell id really upset him)

so now he tells me he is coming to see me on friday and i need to tell him for good then and he will accept what i say! so this is my big chance (again) i must learn from last week coz i kept saying what i wanted but i also said 'but i cant lose you ' so in his mind all he thinks will help me is if i stay at his house when i am down and study and he'll try and answer my questions. he is just doing what he thinks is best.

thing with the bf is things have been abit bad and its been my fault because when he does a normal unthinking action i go absolutely crazy coz in my head it must mean that he doesnt love me and cant possiably give me the support i need to cope with losing my family, and then i push him away, and then feel like 'what the hell am i giving my life up for' its like ive pinned all my hopes on my bf to make me happy and im scared of never being fully happy without my family in the picture!

do you all think it honestly is the right thing to completly stop going to the meetings (what a waste of time the past 7 months of going have been) and be completly honest about my bf?

avishai

See if he can explain this..

http://www.un.org/dpi/ngosection/watchtower.pdf

guys i really need your help

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