anyone ever wonder whether IT could be the TRUTH?

by Cordelia 67 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  jgnat

  I had a thought. Perhaps your dad keeps coming back for a "final decision" because he wants an excuse to keep talking to you.

  You seem oddly disconnected from your heart. What is it that you most want to do? And the wrong answer is "to make everyone else happy." I guarantee, being balanced and content with yourself is the best gift you can give the people around you, even your parents. I suggest you don't put up with any ultimatums and start living your life the way you want. If dad comes over with some more literature and arguments, give him a big hug, tell him how much you missed him, and invite him to sit for coffee and cookies. Ask how his week is.

  Who is to say that if you work on reinstatement a year from now it would take twelve months instead of two? From what I've seen, the length of time it takes to get reinstated depends entirely on the elder mix you have to work with, and ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH THE EFFORT you put in to it. I could tell stories.

  If your dad wants to talk more doctrine, sweetly tell him that stuff gives you a piercing headache and if he persists, you will have to take some Ibuprofen and he will have to leave.
• 

  jgnat

  Another thought. This year's theme is "Godly Obedience". Next year's is "Obey God rather than Men". That's two years of hostile worship environment for independent thinkers, "unbelieving mates", faders, "worldly" co-workers, and DF'd ones working on reinstatement. Who wants to live in that?
• 

  LittleToe

  Cordy:

  point is: i am just gonna stop going but a part of me worries that i am wasting the last 8 months and if ever i wanted to get reinstated for my family it would take me so much longer than it would of done now!

  At that last meeting with the Elders you found out how you truly feel about being reinstated. That being the case, the last eight months weren't a total waste.

  but i am doing the right thing are'nt i??

  Are you? Aren't you?

  It's for you to judge, as either option could be right for YOU. Why should we make the decision for ya? Part of the challenge of life is making our own decisions (albeit maybe with duscussion, as on this thread) and then executing them. Regardless of what you decide you know that we'll support ya. Either option has its difficulties and challenges. Have you written out that list of "pro's 'n' con's" yet?
• 

  AlmostAtheist

  but i am doing the right thing are'nt i??

  Right/Wrong, Good/Bad, Black/White -- they don't exist.

  You'll give up some things and you'll gain some things by getting out of JW's. You need to make that call, but like LT said, you need to get a list of the good's and bad's about the decision in front of you so you aren't just flipping an emotional coin.

  SNG's right, of course. You really aren't trying to decide between your boyfriend and JW's. You're deciding between JW's and not-JW's. The boyfriend may be the factor that's pushing the decision, but that really is the decision.

  You have your doubts about your boyfriend, which is a reasonable, natural, and healthy thing. If you were 100% convinced he was "the one", you'd have to wonder what's clouding your judgement -- nobody's that good! When you get this JW thing out of the way and behind you, you can concentrate on deciding where to go with the boyfriend.

  Dave
• 

  AlmostAtheist

  Since Jez's post so nicely dovetails with this one...
• 

  funkyderek

  Cordelia:
  
  

  what my dads prob is is that im stopping going so i am wasting the 8 months i have tryed to get reinstated and puutting myself back even further he has said i could decide to leave the truth when i am reinstated guess he just wants to be able to talk to me without the dfing hanging over us.

  Think about this. Your father doesn't seem to care about your "immoral" lifestyle. The only thing that matters to him is that you are reinstated. If he shuns you, it will not be because of your beliefs or behaviour but because the Watchtower Society orders him to do so. It's clearly not God's law he cares about, but those of men.
• 

  Tez

  So much good advice Cordelia!!!! and from people who really care what you are going through. Just one thing to add really, when you make your decision stick with it... accept it is what you decided for yourself and yourself alone, not for your boyfriend or anyone else!!! and whatever you do don't blame him for the consequences. You have already said that he has stuck with you so far, he must love you very much, but if you try pinning the blame on him for giving up JW's his patience could wear thin. You have also asked if we think it is the right decision, Littletoe pointed out only you can decide. You may find that this is why it is so difficult, the Organisation really takes away our free will so we don't have to make decisions, just be blindly obedient, not to God, but to them!!! Once you make that decision, whatever it is, you will start to feel liberated because you have done something of your own volition. As a by the by I had to leave my youngest son in the JW's and missed him terribly, thought he would never speak to me again but decided to write him loving letters whether he answered me or not! WELL!! I recently had a wonderful chat with him on the telephone and he asked me to keep writing the letters! he may not always answer me but he likes getting them!! So you see things can change with your family in time.... but you have to be true to yourself.

  Take care honey {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{[huggles for you}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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  Doubtfully Yours

  Cordelia,

  I know exactly what you mean. Their biblical concept sounds as if they should be the religious organization to have the truth... If only they could all apply it as they preach it.

  Only time will tell who's right and who's wrong. Until it's not clear, I decide my own destiny and not the WBTS.

  DY
• 

  LittleToe

  So you have a choice about how you want to live YOUR life.

  On the one hand you care about the feelings of your dad, and on the other hand the feelings of your boyfriend.

  On the one hand you can have someone make all your decisions for you, on the other have freedom to make them for yourself.

  There's a start to your list - two pro's and two con's, allocated to whichever perspective you prefer. Keep going...
• 

  sass_my_frass

  I've wondered the same thing about the time being put in to being reinstated , and it is what is behind my deciding to get onto it straight away . But d o remember that although our situations are similar, the difference is that I completely trust my feelings about my hubbie and our marriage, and I'm nearly entirely convinced that it isn't The Truth (all that remains is that nagging fear in the back of my head that might not ever go away thanks to many years of considered biblical training brainwashing), so I know that I'm not willing to sacrifice my husband's security and my own sanity to please my family and get them to accept my phone calls again. (And that's all that will change if/when I'm reinstated; they won't suddenly love me again. They'll just angrily accept my contact with them because they have to, but they'll always resent what they consider my destructive influence upon the family.) We are not in this life to make our parents happy. I think somebody has already pointed out to you that our happiness responsibilites are more towards our partners and children. Your dad should be the one trying to make you happy, and in this case it would involve him giving you the space you need to work out what you want to do with The Truth. You have two things to work out, and in order to protect the feelings of your boyfriend, he's the one you should be focussing on. If at some other time in your life you decide to consider The Truth again and see if you want to make the effort to be reinstated, that door is not closed to you. Whether or not it will take more effort now or then might not really matter; since right now you don't actually want to be doing it, do you? Maybe if it's going to happen, it should only be because you really want to. I fear that, as somebody who has grown up being taught what to believe and not to think about it too hard, we will be the ones to tip the scale on your decision whether to keep trying to get reinstated for now. Do write down that pros and cons list, compare them. Be ruthless in what you put in it, spare nothing. Then look at the two lists and go with your gut instinct on which is more attractive. Sorry honey but you have to make your own choices! We only get one go at this life, and we're all just going with what seems to make sense. Also thanks for posting this here, it's given me the opportunity to clarify my own thoughts on it all!