anyone ever wonder whether IT could be the TRUTH?

by Cordelia 67 Replies latest jw friends

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  Cordelia

  you are all so wise!! and keep hitting the nail on the head and helped me so much thank you all,

  derek my dad said that i could do what i wanted after i was reinstated coz he's hoping i'll have changed my mind by then, he wouldn't stand for anything even tho he say's he might! (so really things would be just as hard then!)

  little toe i started doing the list but never finished it but i will get on to it again as i think that would help.

  sass you have made loads of sense you seem to know exactly how i've been feeling,

  Tez that is a lovely idea i think i will do things like that and even tho i may be 'living in sin' and hurting them at least they will know my feelings for them will never change hope things get better with your son.

  I've had a bit of a funny day my dad kept ringing to check where i was but even he said he cant do it anymore and suggested if i really am hating the meetings so much he would not contact me (so he didnt know about the bf) maybe for a month (coz he said it's killing him too worring about me) and he said that then it would be my decision if i went to the meetings or not as he wouldn't know about it,

  I told my bf and he said he was annoyed coz he thought i was telling them totally about him and that he wants to move in etc (he's mostly bothered about my ex knowing about him!) and we had a horriable row as i think i have done a massive thing by standing up to my dad but he just seems to want more and more he really hates hiding from my ex, i have prob been unfair but i feel like i have done such a big thing just telling my dad he is on the scene and as we have been falling out so much i was scared of losing everything and then it not working out, should he understand that??
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  sass_my_frass

  Ha, as if your dad is going to be okay with you deciding that it's not the truth when you're reinstated. Of course he's assuming that you'll 'come to your senses'. Actually he sounds a little out of touch from reality there from time to time. You have surprised them though, with the boyfriend. He probably took it really badly. So it seems that his threat to cut you off completely from today was just an empty threat, and he accepts that he has to give you more time? But telling you that you get to choose whether or not you go to the meetings as long as he doesn't know, doesn't that sound a bit immature to you? Like he just wants to bury his head in the sand? A lot of our families want to do this when it comes to finding out how we feel about The Truth; it is too important to them that the people around them affirm their faith, so they don't want to know that you're not going to be doing that, and don't want to know anything that would give them reason to have to shun you.

  Much as I can validate your need to keep information contained until a time that you can deal with it, I'm pretty biased and not everybody sees it that way. When I got engaged this time I kept waiting for the perfect time to tell everybody, and it wore my baby down a lot.

  Okay, your boyfriend having to hide from your ex is news to me. Is your ex a witness? Ex-witness? A violent or jealous type? This sounds like a bad time. If he's moving in, he shouldn't be afraid of anybody finding out about it, and you shouldn't be forced to keep it quiet. But there was that time that you weren't telling your family about him at all, so you kind of owe it to him really, if that's what he needs.

  Can you also understand what life is like in your boyfriends shoes? And if you can put the rows aside, are you able to spend good times with him still? Can you remember why you hooked up with him, and are those reasons to do with your respect for him, and his for you? And if you still do, does anything else matter much?
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  theinfamousone

  wanna know how it isnt the truth??? read about it... then ask yourself, if tis really the truth, how come all the ex jws are so much happier now that theyve left??? and then on top of that, ask yourself even if it is the truth do you realy want to worship a god that allows the hungry kids in africa to die, PAINFULLY, might i add, because he made some sort of bet with the devil???

  i dont

  the infamous one
• 

  Cordelia

  good piont famous!

  sass, i was married for 9 years to a witness awho treated me bad, when i left (and thought i'd marry my bf) he just didnt divorce me (we have a 3 year old girl and he wanted us to be together again for her) but we dont love each other, it's sad but i know what proper love is now i have met my bf,

  the reason why i get him to hid from him is because the origanal plan was for me to get reinstated and if my ex knew about him it would get to the elders and they'd be no chance of reinstatement. plus it would really hurt my dad as he'd know i've been lying to him!

  Now my ex says he knows i am seeing the bf but coz i he has no proof i still don't want him to see my bf at my house (when he brings my baby home) reason is because when i told my dad about him he just said 'don't tell me, don't tell me' (and i felt bad coz he obviously wants to not know properly so maybe he can still have me a little bit!)

  but my bf feels thats not good enough and we should be open now, but because we have been fighting so much and i've felt like he doesn't care, i am scared to do it and completly ruin my chance of reinstatement and hurt my dad if we are gonna keep fighting!

  but hearing your story has made me see i should put him first but i want support off him too,

  what a horriable organization when you can't be happy without it hurting everyone you love and losing everything, i'm beginning to hate it!
• 

  vitty

  Of course you want support from your BF! But does he really understand what your going through to give it.

  If he doesnt support you at all or is not sympathetic, dump him !!!!!!!!

  He he does give as much as he can, but feels powerless in this suituation, you may just end up p----ing him off

  Look at it from your BF point of view, how would you deal with it ?

  Good luck with your dad
• 

  ballistic

  Cordelia, when I was disfellowshipped and was still going to meetings, us d/f who sat at the back started to have our own one to one meetings after the meeting.

  I told what had happened to me to a lady who came back to mine, and she looked at me with eyes that told a thousand years of stories, and she said, "god must love you so much"

  Well, I think you, too, will become an amazing person. There are things we have to go through which are all part of the learning process. Some of them seem hard to bare at the time. But you are learning slowly what it means to think for yourself and find inner stregnth. What you are going through now, you don't realise it will change you as a person... but it will.

  The future is bright.
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  sass_my_frass

  Something that worries me; you talk more about losing your dad and losing his love than that of your boyfriend, and nothing at all about losing your daughter. There are people on this site who can tell you of the time their JW ex-partner used their position as an upstanding citizen and the support of the congregation to convince family court to give them full custody of their children, who they never saw again. You're in a situation which places you outside the support of your family, and the only thing technically stopping your husband from seeking a 'scriptural divorce' is that he hasn't any proof that you've been unfaithful. If he gets that proof, will that start the divorce proceedings. And if so, what will he do about child custody? He has the backing of his 'ministers' and the financial support of his family; you have.... what? I don't have children, but if I did that would be on my mind in your situation.

  Sorry to throw this in, it might have come up on the forum previously but I've been a bit out of touch. And you certainly don't need it right now.

  I know you need the support of your boyfriend during this time, but do try to understand that he's in square one with regards to understanding witness practices, so he's trying to get his head around that insanity, and also dealing with what he would see as your support of them. While you're still playing this game which enables you to maintain contact with your dad and prevents your ex from getting any proof of him, he has been show so very little respect as a man; his need to be able to look after you and guide you is overwhelmed by your moves to to keep him a secret. He would also see your desire to return to being a witness or at least retain contact with them as putting him at second place. It is going to be hard for you to maintain strength and love in this situation. So yes, you feel bad about what you're putting him through, and upset that he doesn't seem to understand what you're going through. I think that he probably does, but is unable to do anything about it, and men feel totally wrecked and helpless if they can't fix something. This would be displayed as a lack of interest, or affection, or concern and what women call 'understanding', (which isn't really understanding... it's just empathy). Of course he cares, but you're not using him to help you, you're just hiding him away and hoping that some solution will come along to make it all better. So what is a guy to do?

  Something as important as love, is respect. If he is respecting your need to get through this and the time that it is taking, you should in turn respect that he's a man so he can't read your mind; he wants to understand, and loves you enough to be with you while you're going through this, and would so love to fix it for you. But as the invisible boyfriend, he is hearing that he is worth little respect. That will be wearing him down.
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  unbeliever

  If he gets that proof, will that start the divorce proceedings. And if so, what will he do about child custody?

  In England the courts favor the mother. I read the laws changed recently to give the father more rights but it's still very pro mother. I don't think she has to much to worry about in that area.