Marriage - Why bother? (page 6)

meems101

i was cynical about marriage after i got divorced and was left with two young children, one five months old. never ever wanted anything to do with it again, besides, i had my kids a nice house and a good job, why would i want to be married again. then i spent 5 years with someone who felt the same way. well that ended because i knew i wanted someone to grow old with and i also wanted my children to see that marriage is not a bad thing. i'm not remarried yet, but have been dating an absolutely wonderful person who has gone through so much of what i did and it's a wonderful and happy relationship. we both have said we want to get married again but not for the sake of being married. i kind of feel sorry for all those jw's that got married a month after high school graduation and had babies by the next district assembly. they never got a chance at really living and seeing all that life and youth has to offer.

DaCheech

Marriage needs work from both partners (if a man thinks he can come home at night and get free dinner and sex, he's dreaming) (and if a woman thinks she's getting a free ride to spend all she can of his money, and let a housekeeper do everything, and the man works his arse off, then she;s dreaming)

everyone has needs, and marriage is for the ones that will sacrifice all for the other one, at the same time if the other one does not appreciate this work.... it will eventually turn into a sour spill.

I also think that if you were lousy at your 1st marriage, there is no reason for a 2nd, 3rd etc

Children in high school should be taught the hard line facts of this binding contract, they then should realize that unlike any other contract that ends briefly; this one is longterm and can cost you on many diffrent fronts!!!

I have seen men living in basements while their ex lives in their comfty homes. One co-worker of mine was dating this woman that was allowed to live in the home (no splitting the home funds until the children were out of college), and he bas ban**ng her in that home while her children were in the other rooms, and her ex was paying all the bills of that home!!!

to a middle class person, with children divorce can be un-affordable!

meems101

absolutely marriage has to be equal between the partners. both have to respect one another and help raise kids, take care of the house, etc. there is no free ride for either. my ex husband thought that he had a free ride while i worked full time, paid all the bills, cleaned the house and did all the other wifely and motherly duties, while he sat on the couch and watched movies, had an affair and had his private life.

prophecor

I recently attended a marriage enrichment program thru the church that my wife goes to. They stressed a lot of the issues from a biblical perspective. Their views had quite a profound effect on me. When coming from a biblical perspective, not flawed with Jehovah's Witness leaning, they really hit the nail right on the head for me, point after point in a way no Watchtower has ever presented information to me. I was strongly encouraged.

Dune

This website in no way shape or form reflects my views. It is simply something a friend of mine showed me after he had some girl trouble. http://www.nomarriage.com/

Sentient

Some of my thoughts about relationships so far:

Don't do things because they are *right* or because you feel it is what a *good* person does, only do things you want to do that make you feel fulfilled in life. Avoid lifetime contracts because you don't know how well you know yourself yet. Realize that you have many options. I think most people in general could use some good reprogramming, not just Witnesses. Don't look down on others because they don't choose commitment, and don't look down on those who do. The beliefs and LABELS we have about what we should or shouldn't do or what arrangement works or doesn't work are made up in our own minds, what works varies by the individuals and where they are at in life! It's your life! Society is not going to crumble to pieces, people are still going to love each other and children are still going to be made and some of those children will end up healthy and some of them will end up less healthy. Stop the crazy judgments of things and just figure out for yourself what works best for you where you are at in life and genuinely listen to other people's opinions and experiences without judgement. If you're going to live with somebody, be a real FRIEND first and a lover second. Learn how to talk about your feelings. You can't confuse romantic love for genuine deep friendship, that's the #1 mistake that I can see. Heal your relationship with YOURSELF. Then you can be open and totally honest about who you are and what you do with others.

DavidChristopher

Very stong point Sentinet.

I agree, how about the freedom to allow people to choose different things in a quest for happiness, only gently trying to warn them if they get off track and choose a path that is hurting themself or anyone else? Is it possible to convince of the error, and convice them to "put the gun down"?

Why do we get hung up trying to deprive others from the freedom to do stuff we refrain from doing but secretly wish for, putting our "image" ahead of our happiness and curiousity? Is the image that makes us appear "better" than other people, or "superior" really worth giving up a shot at happiness and freedom?

Or do we look at it like depriving our desires to set a good example of being a good slave for others to follow? Is happiness here? Why did Jesus tell us if we even desire something bad we have sinned, even think it? was he trying to tell us something?

I would never knowingly hurt someone for freedom or happiness. That would not be treating others as I would want them to treat me. But we are not able to see into the future, what is to be done?

Any thoughts?

DavidChristopher

If there is no marriage in the NS, why did Jesus say that anyone who left children or family for His sake would recieve many times more in the NS? Are we missing something here?

Cady

And I think getting divorced is too easy as well. If it were hell to go through, then maybe people would stop and think about getting married in the first place.

Sorry, not a personal attack, but that comment is really upsetting to me - I've been through a divorce, and easy?? I don't even know what to say. The legal issue (try $3000 in bills just to start) isn't even a drop in the bucket of what it takes emotionally, mentally and physically to start over. Try also dealing with family and friends, relationships severed.

I don't know where I stand on marriage, but I know this for sure: divorce is one of the hardest things there is (and the literature would agree - it's up there w/major illnesses, deaths, etc. as far as stressers go), even if you're happy to be starting over. I'm thrilled with my life now, and I'm sure my ex is as well, but it's not easy.

beksbks

Yer not just whistlin' dixie Cady, I agree.

Marriage - Why bother?

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