My quest for the woman able to convince me to give up my freedom and marry? (page 3)

kid-A

I replied "yes, I want to know every unmarried woman on earth, so I can insure I will never feel like I missed out on something. I want to find my match, a woman that can convince me to give up my free agent status, and spend forever as her property alone."

Not knowing the details of your history with this woman, if those are your feelings then at least you are being honest. However, you both need to move on with your lives and stop wasting each others time. The real tragedy is that a child has been brought into the equation. I think any child would be royally screwed up to find out they are the by-product of a loveless, empty relationship. Time to move on.

DavidChristopher

My my, we have made alot of rash, hasty judgements haven't we? First off, she is a very angry hatefull woman, so mean and hard to handle her own brother fired her from her job. Second, I am not using her. Everytime we split, she begs me to come back, then blames me for leaving her when I do. She had told me the other day She would kill me in my sleep if the cops didn't have her under the gun. She resorts to violence and abusive language when I try to reason with her if I don't agree or question her motives. The next day she will tell me how much she loves me. She cusses and spanks our little boy, for cussing and hitting people like she does . She is trying to drug him into a zombie in a quest for controlling him and fixing the result of the bad example she has set him.

I used to work all the time, I was a selfish absent father and boyfriend, now I am unemployed and a lazy bum. (trying to become "selfish" again) I am belittled because I am not as good as taking care of things around the house as she is. She would rather do it herself, than ask me to help, so she can prove what a no good lazy person I am to me and all my friends who come over. calls my jobs, friends, friends, family and tells them everything bad I have done for the past 6 years. I walk around the house on egg shells afraid to speak to her, as I may say something to set her off, then I get yelled at for ignoring her.

She has no friends, and has quit talking to her family, and blames this on me. But she had no friends when we met either. Her daughter left recently because of the abuse (14).

I will say she has steel rods in her back, is always in pain, and her mother (is the meanest woman I have ever known in my entire life) raised her well (in her eyes, anyway). I don't blame her, i blame the conditions that have made her so miserable. I choose to confront them instead. I could never be happy with her in this state and niether could she. So I am looking for other options, "hope" if you will allow me that.

Do we become your property girls when we lose control and eat your "fruit" for a minimum of eighteen years to life? Is that how it goes? what about when the tables are turned around?

Sunnygal41

I totally agree with Robdar...........she called it.

serendipity

Hi David,

If she is abusing the child, you need to take that child and leave. Once again, it's about providing for that child. Get him out of there.

It's unfortunate that she has a physical condition and probably had a tough childhood as well. She needs more assistance than you can provide. Love alone won't make her better.

Sunnygal41

LOL...........ah yes, the withhold pertinent information and sound shallow so everyone will jump on your ass ploy...........are you THAT desperate for human contact?

anewme

My Dear Mr. Christopher, you are indeed in a pickle. Your love for the child is keeping you tied to this unfortunate woman. You are a good man Mr. Christopher, one who is involved in a true human tragedy.

carla

My apologies for sounding harsh. I missed your second post. Sounds like you don't really love her but stay out of obligation and for the child as well. What attracted you to her in the first place? Surely she wasn't mean then? Would it be possible to get her some kind of counseling and repair the relationship and help her to become a better mother? I can understand why you would be 'looking' or at least hoping for a different relationship. But you have stuck it out thus far, could you get her to get some help for herself? Can she see the damage she has done to her relationships in life? As for the drugging the kid, there is so much data out there now, couldn't you do some research on the matter and show her?

Here is a story that was on public radio a few years ago- the school insisted the kid needed drugs for ADD, the mom didn't want to. They threatened legal action if she didn't. So she claimed that the kid was on meds. Teacher called less than two weeks later to say what a wonderful change had come over the child! All the while no meds were being taken! What the mom DID do was spend some real time with the child with homework and helping him to learn how to learn, study and pay attention. This was a dedicated mom though. Disclaimer-- not saying some people do not benefit from meds here, just that sometimes they are the easy answer and over-prescribed.

I do see men that use women (a good friend) in the way I suggested, yes, women can do the same. I see that you do keep trying with her. For the sake of the child I hope she gets some help. Even if you don't stay together all your lives will be improved by her finding happiness in life.

My apologies again!

DavidChristopher

I just want to find the answer that will allow all three of us to be happy and/or free. It is there somewhere, I just have to find it. If someone know it already they are probably selling it, and I have no money. Just a hard head, a few brains, and a little heart.

If I find it, I will share it with everybody for free, and hopefully make the world a better place for my boys, my friends, and lastly me.

Sometimes you have to get radical when trying to come up with an invention (which nessesity is the mother of I believe) or a new computer "program". When everything around you is failing, do you remain content with the old program, or search for a new one?

I want to invent some answers with a little help from my friends and my Father.....That is how I roll...

rebel8

Everytime we split, she begs me to come back, then blames me for leaving her when I do. She had told me the other day She would kill me in my sleep

Read the book "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me". It may give you some insight into her problems.

As to inventing a new way for dealing with someone like this, I'm afraid that's unlikely. If she is the problem as you have indicated, there are 3 options:

Keep tolerating things the way they are (and end up with an emotionally and possibly physically scarred child).
Ask her to change and assist her getting the help she needs to change. (therapy)
Leave.

seven006

So you answered a personal question a woman asked honestly and she got mad? You’re kidding. I’ll bet you failed the “does my butt look big in these pants?” question also.

You're 35 years old and you will figure out how to answer this kind of questions women ask when you’re around 80. Basically there is no right answer. Women don’t want an answer to those types of questions, they just want the perfect response and they never tell us what the hell that is.

She was fully dressed when she asked the question wasn’t she? I could tell by your answer. There are two kinds of questions women ask that greatly influence how a man answers them. One is a question asked when they are naked and the other kind is one they ask when they are fully clothed.

They know this little trick. They know how naked turns all us guys into jell-o brains (which they think we are all the time anyway, naked just reinforces it).

You have a child together. That’s a big factor in this equation. If she is as messed up as much as you say she is there is a reason. And usually there is a reason behind that reason. If you want to work it out and you love this woman, find the root of those reasons and “help her” fix them herself. If you do not love her then find a job, move out, and don’t run back to her when you envision her naked again. It’s not psychologically healthy for the three of you.

If she cares enough about herself to work on her problems she will. If she does you may see a different person in a totally different light. If she doesn’t and wants to continue her life wrapped up in the comfortable familiarity of her problems she may never change. If you haven’t sat down and taken a good look at yourself to see if “you” might be part of “her” problem you just might want to sit down and do some very deep self analysis and try to be totally honest with yourself in that process. Honest self-realization can be very enlightening.

If you are thinking that there is a woman out there who is your “sole-mate” and would be perfect for you, wake up! That is fairy tale book fantasy and stuff they fill romance novels with that are marketed to Jr. high school girls. There is no perfect woman for a perfect man because “PERFECT PEOPLE DON’T EXIST”!

There is not any kind of stop watch set on finding a woman you would be very compatible with so don’t do any rebound stuff or jump into a relationship with the next set of perfect breasts. Take the word “hot looking” off of your list of priorities when looking for the next victim and take some time to figure yourself out before you hook up with someone else you have to start figuring out from scratch.

Above all else put your son first. He didn’t do any thing wrong and is not the reason for your dilemma.

Good luck.

Dave

My quest for the woman able to convince me to give up my freedom and marry?

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