Your Advice Needed! What Appears Like My Only Way Out.... (page 3)

joe_black

If your on the "fringes" and on the way out now, why would you want to go back into a religion that obviously you know is NOT the "truth". Come on man, where's your cajones? Get out now! while you still can.

Tea4Two

Oh, Drew, You just miss going to the meetings and the relationship with the brothers and sisters.....don't you? It has become a part of your life....

drew sagan

I think the problem here is that you are trying to use logic to deal with an irrational situation!

Great advice, it's a good thing to remember when dealing with problems like I am facing. Many are saying that there is danger in going to far in, and making my wife feel that I have finally come to my senses. Let me balance this out by what I feel i'm up against. How do I help me and my wife out of something we arn't completely "in"? I've read on this board of a number of people who where disfellowshiped, reproved, or who simply faded but decided to go back into the organization in order to help loved ones out. I guess I feel that my going back in is somewhat the same idea. Our discussions at home about the society and their problems wouldn't change. I'd continue to help her see how false it really is, just like I have been. Never in a million years would I start building faith in the society. Instead I would help her to start to build her faith OUTSIDE the organization. The only differance is that I would be doing it from a differant perspective, one that is more comfortable for her and less confrontational.

lovelylil

Drew,

going back will only postpone the inevitable and will crush your wife even more if you leave later. Because you are going to get her hopes up that everything will be o.k.

Since you are not sure what to do, don't do anything at all. Or, you may regret it later.

By the way, I read Jims (Amazing 1914) bio. and he has some really good ideas there.And since you both come from an ex-catholic background, and are both men, I think he can really give you the best advice. I only say you are both men, not to offend the ladies, but being a "brother" is much different than being a "sister" in the org. The men have a whole different set of issues to deal with. As they are seen as the family heads. And it is hard for women not to have that "head" in the org. Well, you guys know what I mean. Why don't you pm him and talk with him more. He seems like a really intelligent guy too.

I will be thinking about you.God Bless.

drew sagan

Thanks for the advice lovelylil, you hit the nail right on the head. I need to be the spiritual head for my wife, and she has been looking to me for quite sime time for it. It's difficult since she only knows what a spiritual head is from the Watchtower magazine. I just want to do the whole thing with balance, and right now I feel that i'm to far on the fringes of the org to help her out.
May I also add that she also feels all the problems will go away if we simply switch congregations. She has alot of problems with many of the locals in the congregation and feels that we would be better off simply if we just moved. Just wanted to point that out.

Spectrum

Drew,

This sounds like a high risk strategy, you might come out of this looking like a hypocrite and lose your wife's respect.
Admittedly I'm not quite sure how you think this plan will impress your wife to open her eyes.
Personally i wouldn't do it that way.
Maybe you are right that she doesn't need more info but I think that if you continuously impress on her some salient points that show JWism for what it is the penny will eventually drop. Eg. Just keep reminding her every week that WTBS is a false prophet, that is easily proved and anybody that has this realisation should immediately distance themselves from the group or individual that makes these false prophecies as they are synonymous with the anti-christ.

AuldSoul

Just a thought...how would she respond if you explained that you have been afraid she might think you've become spiritually weak, and that you would like to start studying the Bible with her regularly (just the Bible)?

You could pick subjects that would teach her what the Bible actually says without ever directly addressing JW dogma. This should eventually have the effect of bringing the dissonance into play in such a way that she will have to choose between WT interpretation of the Bible versus what she has studied for herself in the Bible.

If that wouldn't work, it seems like your idea might be the only way to get her out. If you make it to elder, you could share with her everything you deal with.

Respectfully,
AuldSoul

anewme

Drew, I loved what you just said! "I need to be the spiritual head of my household and take the lead to get my wife out of the org" (or something like that you said.) Anyway, you dont have to be a witness to be the head of your house. Marriage and headship pre-date the JWs! You are just being too careful and tippy toeing around the wife who is obviously waiting for you to take the lead in showing her the way.

Maybe you should start sharing some of your doubts about the society's FDS being appointed by God and the flip flop nature of their official stand on the blood issue and the outright errors in prophecying the end so many times that people are sick of them!

But I do respect your caution and concern for the peaceful status quo you have achieved so far.

Anewme

lovelylil

Drew,

my hubby and I tried switching congregations and it did not help. The problem is internal turmoil. In my family I was always the spiritual leader although my hubby was a MS. Then when I left the Org. he tried to convince the kids the Org. was the truth. The problem was since I was the head, I tried to be balanced always with the kids and they were at an age to make up their own mind. They saw thru a lot of the WT propaganda. Mainly because of the way I taught them to think for themselves. Then, my hubby decided to quit anyway a few months down the road.

One thing I did learn was to take the time to find out what I really believed in. I simply told my hubby that I would respect his beliefs but that I needed a short time to figure out what I believed because I did not know at that point. I asked for some personal space. Then, I did not try to attack his belief in the JWs at all. Once I felt sure of what I believed and why then I went to my hubby and told him. It was still hard. He went crazy and threatened me with divorce. But, I told him that was his decision and I was in no way advocating it. And I gave him time to calm down and just kept treating him with respect. After that, as opportunity came up, I would ask him Q's that would make him think.

When I read Jims story, he asked very similiar Q's. That is why I thought he could help you. There are certain Q's you can ask without the Apostate alarm going off. I really think he can help you. Because from a Man's perspective he has been there.

BluesBrother

I have to agree with the majority here. I cannot see it working. By taking your wife closer to the congregation and the org. I fear that it will only reinforce her faith in Borgdom.

How can I get her to understand how things are wrong and false, when she views them as unimportant?

I don't know!! I have the same problem. I point out all the best arguments that I have learned. I tell her that things are not correct. She Agrees with me. The reply I hear is that "Well we will wait and see , if it is wrong Jehovah will correct us in his time - not yours " Or they say, "You could be right, but it is better to be wrong and on the inside, than right outside of Jehovah's Org." . They agree that the Org lacks love, has lost its way of late but still cannot bring themselves to consider that it is not led by the Almighty .

Your only hope may be to ruffle the feathers of the elders if you were in. If she were to see you get d/f'd unjustly that might shake her faith and win her support against them. But It is a high risk strategy , after all you might get to like it?

Your Advice Needed! What Appears Like My Only Way Out....

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