Keep ears and eyes open: Possible announcement this Wednesday (page 7)

garybuss

Arthur, That was hilarious! Good job!

done4good

Well, I remember at one of the New York 8 day assemblies, they announced that some of the "Princes" would be there and everyone was so anticipating and excited. Turned out to be the Elders were the Princes. What a disappointment.

Welcome!

It those types of announcements that we really all should have done a double take on years ago. Amazing.

j

daystar

Arthur!

Yes, the king of the north has definitely been identified!

http://www.public.asu.edu/~mharp/viking_kittens/VikingKitten.htm

(I'll spare all of you the embed, though I really, really wanted to embed this!)

AK - Jeff

Here it is!

Dear Brothers and Sisters;

In the past, Jehovah's organization has been a bit too anxious in matters related to the coming war of Armageddon. We have often mentioned dates and times, in spite of Jesus' clear warning to the contrary. In addition, we have invented the order of things to come, assuming that we had a better understanding of the matter than was written in the Bible itself. Much of this was due to the great oracle, Fredrick Franz, who was with us and guiding us in these matters. We have often wondered though, why 1975 passed without incident. Also perhaps some have wondered why the change in understanding of the '1914 Generation' had so upset some. We think we can shed some new light on the matter. Isn't that encouraging?

Note to brother reading this announcement: Begin to clap here and build anticipation for the final part of the announcement. Remember to smile broadly and really sell the importance of this letter.

This past week we recovered a small item from one of Brother Franz' lock boxes here at Bethel. The lock box contained a few of his 'revelations' regarding prophecy that we had not seen, as he died without revealing them to the writing staff. We are happy to announce that beginning in January of 2007, each issue of the Watchtower will now contain a special doctrinal box entitled "Freddy's View", in which we will begin to unravel the mystery of the Great Tribulation and Armageddon.

Just a hint to whet your appetite: A corrected understanding of Ezekiel's prophecies indicate that perhaps the battle of Armageddon and the New World itself may already be underway, invisibly.

We hope you will enjoy what we think will be a faith enhancing series of articles showing you how you are already dead and living in Paradise.

Your Brothers In Serving God

WTBTS and GB

Legolas

The big announcement is going to be one of the following:

The King of the North has now been identified as Iceland.
There will be 4,371 changes made to the New World Translation. All of the new verses will be printed in a special 150 page Kingdom Ministry.
The 2007 Convention theme will be: Deliverance - Much Closer at Hand.
Oral sex between married couples is now allowed, but the wife must wear a head covering.
A new directive has just come down from the Slave that single Brothers are not to wear any tight fitting underwear, as this could potentially arouse unclean feelings and thoughts.
Several revisions are going to be made to the current song book. Several of the words will be changed, and can be found on Prince's latest album.
The Society is buliding a floating house in New Orleans for Noah and his family to live in when they are resurrected.

ROTFLMFAO!!!!! ROTFL

Keep ears and eyes open: Possible announcement this Wednesday

garybuss

done4good

daystar

AK - Jeff

Legolas

GermanXJW

M.J.

Zico

Gilberto

OUTLAW

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