My JW Mothers' Words Of "Love" (page 4)

blondie

As to why people love their abusers, here are a few sites that might help. Some may be redundant or you may have worked out some of this already.

http://www.drirene.com/verbalabuse.htm

http://www.verbalabuse.com/indexmain.shtml

http://www.preventchildabuse.com/emotion.htm

http://www.vachss.com/av_dispatches/disp_9408_a.html

Blondie,
I put these sites on my favorites list so I can read over these when I get time.Thanks
Yes,I have worked on this some but its a lifetime project, it seems.I always welcome new material.
Ranchette

Ranchette

Auset,
Sorry about your brother.It does make you sick!
I bet there's lots of stories like ours out there.This is WT history repeating itself once again.
My mother has control of my dad once again and she's just attempting to get her way with me too.Of course I know she believes she knows whats best for me and my family so in her mind, that justifies her bad behavior.
Ranchette

dungbeetle

someting that always gets to JW's is when you tell them how much like other religions they are. I have a Jewish mother-in-law who sounds just like your mother Ranchette (and others). My one friend is Italian Catholic, my other friend is Irish atheist, my daughter in law was raised a Baptist...and they ALL have mothers like yours.

These women (and their male counterparts)are a dime a dozen as far as this mindset and behavior go. They exist in EVERY walk of life, all cultures, religions, countries,races...you name it. It doesn't help the pain go away to know this....but boy does it make moms stop in their tracks when they know they are acting just like....(pick a religion)))

Since you mention a husband and son, it sounds like your mother can count the time towards field service when she writes these letter. In that case you can count on it never ending.

I wasn't very helpful was I ...sorry. How about this...

(((((((((((((Ranchette)))))))))))

cornish

Is'nt it a shame that she has used a trajic event to score points and feed fear tactics.
And is'nt it the witnesses who criticise those who leave for supposed negativity,it seems like the figuritive whip of fear is the prefered tactic to the idea of a paradisic reward.
Yes,sadly many have lost their lives in defending freedom,but what would have happened if those people did not make this sacrifice,how would the JWs have fared without others prepared to support freedom for speech religion and liberty,that which the religion demands for the watchtower corporation then denies its own members.

think41self

Hi Ranchette,

I'm sorry you are having to deal with these issues from your own mother. That is sad.

I agree with AuSet, that while we still love them, we DON'T have to allow them the power to keep hurting us. You say she sends you one of these letters every month? Are they ALWAYS hurtful to you? Then may I make a suggestion? Next month, go out to the mailbox, write RETURN TO SENDER on her letter, and leave it in there for the mailman to pick up. Don't even take it in the house with you. You will have such a feeling of empowerment. If she calls to ask why you did that...tell her. Tell her that her letters were hurtful and discouraging, and you will not take that from anyone. If she wishes to communicate with you, it must be on a more upbeat topic, no religion discussed.(just a suggestion) It worked for me.

think41self

"Not believing is not the same as not knowing."

ARoarer

JT, I always used to refer to the Theocratic Ministry School and Service Meetings as the "Tuesday nite Sales Meeting". I was interesting that this perception is also shared by others. It is true that the members are worth no more to WT the same as any sales pyramid organization if they are no longer peddling the product. And those of us who have left are a "danger" to them because we expose them for what they really are.
Ranchette, your mom is only worth her statistics that she can publish for this publishing corporation. That is why she is called a publisher. She sells, the goods, pithches the sales pitch, reports her statistics, and has company loyalty. She has placed all her emotional assets into this corporation. It is sad. It is also sad that your dad has chosen to go back to her to save himself rather than because he truly loves her. They sell themselves short while they sell for this WT corporation.

Tina

Hi Ranchette,
I'm really sorry you get letters like that.
It reminds me of my JW mom. Her manipulative tactics permeate all aspects of her thinking,not just religion. Growing up with such crazy-making behaviors was a real trip,to say the least.
AFter leaving the org. I tried to help her understand why I did,my feelings about it. Forget it.I won't get into all the stories here but I had finally come to the conclusion,that this was dead wrong,and I didn't have to play into her holier than thou,Lil Ms Martyr roles anymore.
I had to detach for my own emotional health. I did this with love.
I told her we most certainly can have a relationship,but it was to be based on mutual respect and love. No more family lies,no more pitting sibling against sibling,no more religious high horse riding, no more manipulations to get what she wanted. I was happy to help her with anything,just state it clearly without all the bogus bullshit biblical and other wacky analagoies.
( AS a kid my bros and sis and I gave up at a young age asking her simple questions etc. Every answer was long convoluted,confusing that were simply guilt trips and control) Good thing, in the long run,we asked teachers and other parents instead,went to books,and found more objective and compassionate answers and reasonings.)

Anyway back to detaching with love. I told her I would always love her,be there for her,all she needed to do was call. I wished her no ill,and all the good things. But I expected to be treated in like manner. With some dignity,respect and honesty. I told her I was stepping out of the game and giving up my role.

As Think4 said,and I agree wholeheartedly,send the letters back unopened. This is a step in self-respect and taking care of your emotional needs. She will soon see that manipulative guilt making isn't the way to have a relationship. Maybe,she'll communicate on a different,better level in the future.
This is also a step in empowering yourself. That some things ARE in your control. That you now have choices. Are they strong choices or weak choices? Are these choices going to nurture love and respect? Are they going to enhance you and help you grow as a human being? or are they going to stifle you. Not allow you the right to your needs and wants. Are they showing mutual respect and concern for you? Are they manipulative tactics to simply keep control over you using fear and guilt?
It's always a choice ranchette. I wish you the best,whatever choices you make.hugs,Tina

Carl Sagan on balancing openness to new ideas with skeptical scrutiny..."if you are open to the point of gullibility and have not an ounce of skeptical sense-you cannot distinguish useful ideas from worthless ones."

TweetieBird

Hi Ranchette,

I just had to jump in on this one. I have a mother and mother-in-law that could have written the exact same letter. Try to remember that she is scared to death, scared that the ones she loves most are going to die at Armageddon. That fear is motivating her to use whatever means to "snatch you out of the fire." She has been so conditioned to believe that your life is in imminent danger.

It is really sad, because she is losing out on precious time that she could be spending with you and your children.

Perhaps, you could write her back and tell her that you love her very much, and since you are going to die at Armageddon you only have a few years, at most, to spend with her. Beg her to accept the fact that you are not likely to change your mind and come back to the organization, so please do not waste the few remaining years of your life apart. If you were to come down with a terminal disease right now, and only given 6 months to live, I'm sure she would make every effort to spend as much time with you as possible.

You might also say something like, "what if I am right and you are wrong, and you have disowned me and my children over something you believed was right." It may get her to think. Bring up the fact that thousands of couples postponed having children because they thought the end was right around the corner. Now they are in their 60's, 70's and 80's, never had children and ready to die. Using the society's thinking, in the new system they will not be allowed to marry or have children. All because they went along with man's thinking. I would be pissed if I were them.

"By doubting we come at truth" -Cicero

Tina

Hi tweetie,
That is great reasoning but I don't think it'll work. They cannot conceive of the notion that they are wrong. That's telling them Jah is wrong and his represetative(org) is wrong. They will never listen to that. Their minds shut down,stopthink goes into play.(I know,I tried) All that does is set it up for mom again to preach and condemn why the daughter is wrong,leading to more guilt and manipulation for control.This still keeps mom in the drivers seat,and in essence a form of control using emotionally destructive tactics. Not good for anyones mental health and life. Seems to me in many ways,she has disowned her own daughter by telling her she 'would give her up,no natural affection' That is one mindset all the reasonings in the world isn't gonna get thru. her mind is most definitely made up already. Just my 2 cents,Tina

Carl Sagan on balancing openness to new ideas with skeptical scrutiny..."if you are open to the point of gullibility and have not an ounce of skeptical sense-you cannot distinguish useful ideas from worthless ones."

My JW Mothers' Words Of "Love"

Share this