The serious conversation with the wife about the cult (page 2)

Nathan Natas

Hi, OnTheWayOut,

You're doing very well, and don't need any help from me, but I wanted to toss out a couple random thoughts, in no particular order:

a. Hassan was a Moonie. Surely your wife will agree that the Moonies are a cult. Certainly the WTB&TS would have no objection to a person alerting themselves to the dangers of cults like the Moonies. WOULD THEY?

b. rent a copy of the movie "ticket to Heaven" and watch it with your wife. It is a bit dated now, but it is the story of a young man caught up in a Moonie-ish cult and his recovery. As a Christan, your wife may well want to understand the predicament of people caught in cults, because she has a lifesaving work to do. (wink wink)

c. Assignment for your wife: What does the WTB&TS teach about Scientology?

d. Another very interesting movie is "Called to be Free" available here http://www.lhvm.org/wcg.htm

It is about the "collapse" (my term) of Herbert W. Armstrong's Worldwide Church of God. These are the folks who printed PLAIN TRUTH magazine. Very interesting film. Did you know the WWCOG also "eagerly looked forward" to 1975?

e. Your wife says JWs have the truth because (among other things) they teach that there is no hellfire. Does she know that other Christian sects also teach that. Furthermore, that is what atheists like myself also believe.

My opinion is that JWs cannot claim "trooth" on the basis of beliefs that they SHARE with other religions and atheists. Their claim ought be be made on the basis of their unique trooth-filled teachings. Try finding one of those!

Wishing you continued success,

- NN

truthseeker

OnTheWayOut,

I had a very similar conversation with my wife the other day. I too bought Steve Hassan's book, and read parts of it to her a while back.

While she can see similarities, it puts her into JW Defense Mode - see, you can talk about Moonies or Jim Jones, BUT...

talk about JW's being a cult, she won't hear of it.

Her JW friends are regular people, not over zealous and I suppose that since they're average dubs, she doesn't see herself in a cult. I told her it's what they teach, not necessarily

who her friends are.

I told her JW's were a cult and asked her to prove otherwise - she couldn't.

I guess, from her point of view, it's pretty terrifying, even considering the idea that the whole thing is a crock, and I try to say nothing now, hoping that she will one day open her eyes.

Take it slowly with your wife, mine will sometimes listen, but pretend not to hear, and then at some point in the future, she will question me on something that I said.

Good luck!

ithinkisee

Wow, that was a great read. Thanks for taking the time to write it.

It is really great to see that you two have always seemed to have generally good communication (well as good as can be expected, as even the best marriages have ups and downs).

The challenge for myself and Freedomloverr initially was that we did not have great communication - more my fault than hers - but it added the additional challenge.

Continuing to just be interested in truth and love will go a long way towards securing your wife's freedom in the longterm. I like how you don't position it as a "I'm right and you;re wrong" argument and more of an "I love you and I am making myself vulnerable to you by telling you these things."

Not sure if that makes sense or not, so I'll just say that great things should happen with you two. Keep taking it slow - you're doing awesome!

-ithinkisee

purplesofa

I am reading Combatting Cult Mind Control by Steven Hassan

My mother is a witness. I am going to ask her to read the book.

Then I want to talk to her about what she thinks of the book in relation

to the organization. There is no way, not even a witness, could deny the

similarities. It is not an attack on the JW religion. If she has any bit of

doubt this book will magnify it.

The book speaks volumes. Although, I do think it better serves a person

not raised in the truth, but made a conversion.

I have seen alot of JW women toss off good men.......and I always think to

myself........What were they thinking?

You are gentle and kind with your wife and she is responsive. I think you have

a love that is based at the core of who you are, instead of what you are.

ithinkisee tells alot about leaving the truth and how he was able to get his

wife to come along.

purps

edited to add: I fineally got done typing this .......and who posts before me...........ithinkisee!!!!

NanaR

OnTheWayOut,

You are demonstrating patience and love, you are communicating. Sounds like the two of you have a very good marriage.

My husband also for some reason got the idea that I was going to change overnight into a wicked person when I finally told him (after both of us have been inactive for several years) that I'm never going back. I just keep reassuring him of my love for him and commitment to our marriage. I also am being patient with his continued "I'm going back someday" so as not to push him in that direction.

Thank you for sharing your experience.

Best wishes to both of you,

NanaR

avidbiblereader

OntheWayOUt, I feel for you, I went through this 7-9 years back and my ex who said she was born a wit, raised a wit will die wit. Turned me into the elders and eventually left. I hope you the best. A real shame that you feel you are losing your wife for being yourself and going with what you know is the truth. I truly feel sorry for you and pray that you get peace and your wife in the process.

abr

Dismembered

Greetings OnTheWayOut,

After reading your post, I sure do not have any advice for you. I think your approach, and the way you've reasoned with your wife is razor sharp. Keep treading carefully. You're doing great! Please keep us posted.

Dismembered

TheListener

Those are hard conversations to have. The anxiety, the pressure, the struggle not to alienate your mate but at the same time tell them where you stand and why you stand there. How much to say? How much emotion to show? All tough tough tough.

It sounds like you did just the right thing. You must know your wife well - good for you. Your relationship and communication will get you through this.

Good luck.

TweetieBird

Hi OnTheWayOut, You are going through with what my husband went through for a few years. It took me longer to come around but I had the same feelings as your wife. The WTS demonizes anyone that is not a JW, convinces you that if you leave "the truth" you will immediately go out and lead a wicked life. Your approach with her is excellent, keep dropping tidbits along the way. For me, the final nail in the coffin was the UN thing, I felt like if they lied about that, what else did they lie about.

The serious conversation with the wife about the cult

Abandoned