The serious conversation with the wife about the cult (page 4)

blondie

THE ART OF FADING BY EXPATBRIT

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/34518/1.ashx

Man, you've got it all figured out. I like your approach. When I was having doubts long before quitting, I did meet with one elder at a McDonalds just so I could leave if I ever wanted. You're right about that. Nothing would look worse than telling an elder to get off of your property.

Have you figured out a plan in case they show up uninvited? I don't have a good answer for that myself.

Nathan Natas

Jayhawk1 asked,

Nathan Natas, why do you suggest looking into what JWs teach about Scientology? In all my years on this board, I have never seen that suggestion.

There are two reasons: (1) As far as I have been able to see, the WTB&TS mentions Scientology only twice on the entire Watchtower Library CD ROM - both times in 1981, once with the mention that someone in one of their "true tales" had been involved with Scientology, the occult and Buddhism and the second time as simply a point on a chart about American religious affiliations.

NEVER a single analytical or critical word about Scientology from the WTB&TS. Is this because Scientology is not "bible-based?"

(2) In Europe, the WTB&TS actually allied itself with Scientology to help fight against legislation to control religious cults. Maybe they only did it so they could use the Scientology washroom.

The WTB&TS is built largely on attacking and condemning the Roman Catholic Church. I guess that as PROTESTants, that should be expected. They make a weak attempt at addressing other mainstream religious systems: Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism; but do quite poorly really on the entire CULT issue.

I think they are afraid to look in that mirror.

done4good

OTWO, You are handeling this very well. Your wife is smart, she will come around when she is ready, (I can't help you with knowing "when" this is), but it will happen. My only advice is don't be toooo quick to "speed things up", if you don't have to, and from what it sounds like, you don't have to. My experience with this is, that people tend to loose their delusions only when something happens that forces change. Basically, "When one door closes, it will FORCE another open".

j

OnTheWayOut

Thanks for the fading advice Blondie. While I totally agree with the advice, I am
looking for short-term changes with long-term consequences. I do understand
it's only been less than half a year since I was an active elder, and I do understand
that I will need to pop up in the Hall every now and then, but I need to break from
regular meeting attendence. Any input and personal experiences is welcome.
That post is great. My avalanche of a fade is just to get away from the K.H. I know
I will still have the wife going there, I will still need to face the BOE occasionally.
I know that people's attitudes toward me will change rapidly as the gossip starts.
(Incidentally, the BOE has totally refrained from starting any gossip about me so
far, either because that is the right thing to do, or because they are so worried that
my fall from grace would cause others to examine their doubts.)

I don't have JW business contacts. I do have family and coworkers that I can use as
my network of friends outside the Borg. I am prepared for the fade to fail, I have come
to terms with the possibility of being DF'ed. Thanks.

Megsmomma, thanks for the advice. For the wife, I will proceed to prove I have no
doubts. I think she knows already, just was avoiding saying it, hoping the elders would
try harder to bring me back. I think she knows that we are going to grow old in this
system of things. While she's not ready to leave the Borg, she knows to be prepared for
the future in this system of things.

jayhawk1

Nathan, thanks for posting so soon on my question.

Maybe my memory sucks, but I could swear Watchtower did a lengthy article around 1996 about Scientology and L. Ron Hubbard. I could swear it was written not all that long after they did one on Mormons and Joseph Smith. I am more certain about the article on Joseph Smith.

I could be totally off on that one though and could have it confused with my own personal reading.

The WTB&TS is built largely on attacking and condemning the Roman Catholic Church. I guess that as PROTESTants, that should be expected. They make a weak attempt at addressing other mainstream religious systems: Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism; but do quite poorly really on the entire CULT issue.
I think they are afraid to look in that mirror.

Too true. Makes me wonder if any JWs are turned off by the constant attacking of Catholics.

undercover

Your openness with your wife is to be commended...not every fading JW can be that open with their still believing mate. There are people here who can tell you how their marriage failed because of the differences caused by one person in the marriage union trying to free themselves from the grasp of the WTS.

For some of us, we're not only fading from being a JW, we're fading from being a member of our family, especially when you have a large JW family. Not that we want to or intend to, but because of a family's staunch defense of the anything WT related, we become second class citizens to them.

Depending on circumstances, the fading process may never end. If a marriage mate remains a JW, if parents/siblings are JWs, we will always have some tie to the organization despite our unwillingness to be part of it. There will be times when we're put on the spot, or worse, made to look like a bad person, or a weak person.

It looks like having such a good, loving relationship with your wife may help you to keep a good marriage even when you make it clear that you're no longer wanting to be a practicing JW.

Good luck on your journey.

OnTheWayOut

Adding to the conversation with my wife-

Since our talk, we did bump into JW's that we knew long ago (more than once this happened).
When pressed by some of these upwardly mobile or gossippy types as to whether I was an
elder, able to come to their hall for a talk, was I the PO by now, am I ever going to pioneer-
I simply stated, "No, I am no longer serving as an elder. ( WHY? ) I have personal reasons."

The wife thanked me for not making my doubts an issue with others. She is not position-minded,
but she doesn't want to push her JW network away. I told her that I was not out to isolate
her from her friends.

One silly elder even had the nerve to ask us this weekend if we were able to open our home for the
travelling elder who was coming next weekend to give the public talk. I asked the wife if his request
was proper, them knowing that I was not going out in the preaching, was not considered a good
example? She said "No, so what do you want me to say when they ask stuff like that?"
"Just say, NOT ABLE or ASK Bro. OTWO. I am sure they won't keep asking for long."

Do Not Call

My husband began to doubt and question the Society's teachings and I thought my world was falling apart. With time (a few months) and patience, he managed to get me thinking deeply about my ingrained beliefs. I started secretly researching things, like 607 etc. and eventually left too. We're now a happy apostate family!!! Yes, my parents shun us and their grandchildren, but we've never been happier! So, never give up on your loved ones, I'm proof that sometimes it pays off. All the very best with your wife, OTWO!

freedomloverr

you are doing this fade thing perfectly IMO. you are also talking to your wife perfectly. I was the wife who listened to hubby's (ithinkisee) doubts and we faded out together. your wife sounds very intelligent and the fact that she didn't shut down that conversation right from the beginning is VERY promising.

keep us up to date!

much love and peace to you and her!

freedomloverr

The serious conversation with the wife about the cult

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