The serious conversation with the wife about the cult (page 7)

jam

continue from last post. The year i left most of my non jws family was studying too become jws. As a result of my disfellowship and shunning practices my non jw family members realize this was a cult. So you see how many years went by before results begain to show. The day i decided not to go back I did know where it would lead me. Just a few weeks ago , my brother who is a elder told me, you can come back, get reinstate and if you do not attend the meetings that we be o.k. The reason for this, my non jws family have stop doing things to please them. IF we have a family gathering all will be included, if you chose not to come because your brother will be there, then so-be-it...So now the jw famliy members do not get invited. We have a large family.The jw family feel it is all my fault because the family is divide.

OnTheWayOut

That's a great uplifting outcome, JAM.
Thanks for sharing that.

I was inspired by this thread to tell my mother something.
I said in this thread that a non-JW sibling was supposed to work on
breaking down Mother's guard and help her to see the true identity of
the cult. I said that I had not mentioned my stepping aside as an elder
or my doubts to my mother, waiting for that sibling, but I was concerned
about the progress of that intervention.

So today I visited my mother. Before I left, I told her that I was no longer
an elder. She asked WHY?

"Because I have differences that will not allow me to continue as one."

"Differences with your BOE?"

"No, differences with WT policy. For instance, at our last elders school and
this past year via letter, the WTS supported the expanded instruction to
overlook many sins of elders that occurred a few years back, and allow their
continued service since such sin to prove that Jehovah's blessings were still upon them.
That means that elders sins would just be overlooked, and they would remain elders.
At the same time, many members doing the same thing would lose privileges or even
be DF'ed for doing the same and remaining silent for years."

"How important is that to you?"

"Very important. The WTS says there is no clergy class, we are all the same.
Stuff like this shows that is not true, there is class distinctions in the ranks."

"Thanks for telling me."

She did not ask more about it. Now, she will process what I said. I did not tell her
I was no longer in the recruiting work, and about other doubts. If she asks, I will say
more.

jam

i forgot to mention, I became a elder at 29. I was a elder when i got out. SO MAYBE THIS IS WHY MY BROTHER MADE THE STATEMENT . COME BACK, I COULD GET REINSTATED IN NO TIME.

cbew

Wow, onthewayout, they must be really getting desperate to retain elders who are stepping down! When I also left a few years ago I served as an elder for 7 years and I knew of several elders who decided to step down because of "health reasons". I can only wonder now whether some of them also had conciences that bothered them to take decisive action in this regard. One fellow elder I knew stepped down over some disagreements with his BOE. A year latter they tried to get him back by enticing him with sweet assignments on the platform and on parts in the cicuit assemblies! ( I kid you not!) Talk about politics, but then again that's how things always get done in the BOE. Forget about the scriptural principles. I'm just curious though what sins are pardonable? Did they mention any specifics in the letter?

OnTheWayOut

I'm just curious though what sins are pardonable? Did they mention any specifics in the letter?

There was a thread from Amazing http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/7414/1.ashx
The policy was already in place for years, but the 2005 School for elders and a
mid-2006 letter to the elders expanded the subject and reminded me that there
is a clergy class.

The thread mentions sin in general- while it implies minor sins, it doesn't say so.
The 2006 letter clarified the viewing of pornography by elders. My take on it was that
if you did such a thing, keep it to yourself. Don't do it again. If you must confess, what
3 years and you can keep eldering.

sass_my_frass

FANTASTIC!! I'm so glad for you both.

Gather yourself to deal with your mum as quickly as you can. I delayed and it wasn't the right thing to do by her.

OnTheWayOut

Gather yourself to deal with your mum as quickly as you can. I delayed and it wasn't the right thing to do by her.

Message received. I was trying a different tactic, but now I will just deal with her directly and allow
the other sibling to continue trying.

For those of you that have continued following my story, thanks for your wonderful inputs.
I will go to the Kingdom Hall tonight with the wife. I was out of town or didn't show up there, going on
more than two weeks now. I turned in my third ZERO hours report while I was absent. With the
reactions I have received from the BOE so far, I imagine nothing new, no "Can we talk?" from them is
coming. After this meeting, I will be extremely cutting back on showing up. The R&F in my congregation
have not suspected anything is wrong with me, figuring I stepped aside for work and language limitations.
They are going to start whispering, now. Maybe the elders will violate their no-gossip rule (maybe they have
already, but it hasn't reached me)

I really get great help on these threads. I will continue to ask your opinions and suggestion.

Mikeus

Hey onthewayout, I feel for you. My wife was once a very zealous JW, as is her entire family. She was born and raised in the Org, as were her parents. Her father is an elder, her mother does 60 some hours of service a week, and her brother is a pioneer. By the grace of God, my wife no longer calls herself a JW and has stopped attending everything WT, and now sees the blatant control over her family and ex-friends (while she is not df'ed, she is shunned by all but her parents). I was never a JW, although I did attend Sunday night meetings for a few months and met weekly with elders to "study". I didn’t begin studying directly with elders, but when one of the first two (an ex-Catholic) started agreeing with me that both Yahweh and Jesus were the Alpha and Omega spoken of in Revelations, I guess they decided to send “more faithful brothers” to my house on Saturdays. It just gave me better practice at talking to the more hardcore JWs ;)

You know how to speak to your wife and are obviously very tactful and have a great relationship. With my wife, my in-laws, and the elders I spoke with, I found the most effective way to get through the JW antiprocess is to simply state information, not an opinion. Example: "The doctrine of Jesus being fully God in the flesh is an orthodox doctrine that many of the disciples of the disciples (church fathers) wrote many volumes teaching and defending. What are your thoughts on that?" Or outside of the Biblical realm of things: "Organizations like the Mormons, the World Wide Church of God, and the Unification church also think you must study their literature to come to the knowledge of truth, and that they are the only ones who are truth. What do you think?" I’m sure since you’ve been reading Hassan, this is old news to you. But it worked and still works very well when I dialogue with a JW.

When my wife was seriously doubting the Organization, I repeatedly told her I only wanted to present information and let her choose what she wanted to do with it from there. I always emphasized I was not trying to press an opinion upon her and wanted her to make her own decisions. She was very receptive to this method of conversation.

Anyway, I hope you can draw something from this. It seems you’re a capable guy and know what you’re doing. I’ll be praying for you.

Mikeus

The serious conversation with the wife about the cult

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