Practice your approach
and perfect some pick-up lines
to snare your target
hehe, sorry Nos, just had to put some Renga in your thread!
Nosferatu's School of Dating - Lesson 2.1 - The Approach
by Nosferatu 40 Replies latest social relationships
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mrsjones5
When taking your target away from her group of friends, don't be afraid to be a tad aggressive with her. If she hesitates to leave the group, grab her hand, give her arm a slight tug, and say "Come on, have some fun!" If she still hesitates, tell her with a half smile that she's no fun.
Omg, that's creepy! When I was younger and going to dance clubs that's one of the reasons why I would go with a "herd". Not a good move, grabbing some chick that you're interested in and then playing a stupid chicken game with her. It doesn't send out the right message or vibe, it has JERK all over it. She doesn't know you. For all she knows you could be some rapist or serial killer. Nix that suggestion please!
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jinjam
if a guy grabbed me like that, i'll tell him to F%ç? off!... and telling her thats she is no fun, honestly you would not want to be doing that to a woman, you might just get a kick in the you know where!
IMO,some of the things you wrote do make sense, some of it is just hopeful thinking! -
Xena
Xena:
Sorry darlin, but now I feel strangely attracted to Six!ok but we can't keep him, there just isn't enough room in the basement.
hehe, sorry Nos, just had to put some Renga in your thread!
Addictive, isn't it?
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Nosferatu
IMHO, this part is bad for the timid guy who has yet to approach the woman.
That's why they work on lesson 2.0 first.
Here the advice goesbeyond his getting courage up to deal on equal ground with her (and therefore, to feel equal to the task of approaching her). Here it crosses over into him making her feel on LESS equal ground with him (lesser than him). [Him: "It's not your turn till I say it's your turn...I don't want you...you're not worthy of my notice till I SAY you're worthy of my notice. ...Okay--now you're worthy of my notice."] This is where it first crosses into negative game-playing. It attempts to create a one-up, one-down dynamic from the get-go. NOT GOOD!!!
You've pushed me into getting more scientific on this part...
Let's say you've gone out on a couple of dates with a new guy and you really like him. Now, he told you that he was going to call you today. So, you're excited to hear from the guy, and anticipate his phone call. As the day wears on, you start thinking of what he's up to, and what he's doing, and wondering when he's actually going to phone. As the evening approaches, you begin to wonder if he's upset with you, or if he's mad. When you go to bed, you have trouble sleeping because you can't stop thinking about why he didn't phone you today. You wonder if he lost interest in you, or if he met someone else.
By treating her like the least desireable in the group, I'm working at getting her to experience these types of feelings. And it works (yeah yeah, I know it wouldn't work on you.)
This kind of thing can be just gentle, good-natured ribbing once a genuine rapport is already established, but used prematurely--and especially as part of a 'game plan' to hook someone in--it smacks of alpha-dog dominance tactics.
And what's wrong with being alpha? You're going to find a lot of this in my future posts, so prepare to be offended.
[red flag: potential abuser, quite frankly]
Now, look at the nice guy vs jerk situation. Nice guys complain that women go for the abusive jerks. The key here is that she's not attracted to the abuse, she's attracted to a strong, alpha male.
In my single years, I experimented with how much I could get away with. I was down right mean to some of the girls I dated. The unbelieveable part was the more of an asshole I became, the more the women put up with it, and the harder it was for them to let go of me. This kind of stuff still amazes me when I see it in real life.
What Nosferatu is encouraging here is producing a fake version of a 'nice guy'--someone who genuinely is outgoing and personable enough to approach a table, chat with whomever's there, show genuine interest in them as individual people, and also considers others around him enough to NOT ZERO IN on one person immediately.
Your idea of the "nice guy" doesn't match a male's definition of "nice guy". In the male's version, the women don't want the nice guy, they want the jerk. The nice guy will tell her she's beautiful, ask permission to date her, and will let her walk all over him if it makes her happy. The nice guy would never approach a group of people to attempt getting a date. He would sit in the corner and hope that maybe this girl will notice him and walk over. Besides, one of the men at the table could be her boyfriend, and he wouldn't want to risk offending her.
That is the definition of a nice guy.
The neg-hits, and pushing her aside if she tries join conversation, are TOTALLY unnecessary (and even damaging).
Since you seem to think neg-hits (which I haven't remotely touched on) are such a horrible thing, I'm going to quote someone named Sir_Chancealot who wrote a fantastic post on what a neg-hit does and what it works to accomplish:
“What exactly is a neg-hit” you ask? Neg-hit is short for negative hit. Many Don Juans have given great examples of neg-hits, but I shall give you an actual definition. Neg-hit: A remark, sometimes humorous, used to point out a woman’s flaws. That, in essence, is a neg-hit. Before we begin our in-depth study of neg-hits, let’s learn what a neg-hit IS NOT.
A neg-hit is NOT an insult. “You are a bitch” is merely an insult, not a neg-hit (actually, it can be successfully used as a neg-hit, but not by someone that has to read posts about how to neg-hit.
A neg-hit is NOT meant to be cruel. “You are too fat for me” (even if truthful) is not a neg-hit; it is being unnecessarily cruel.
And finally, and perhaps most importantly, a neg-hit is NOT some magic spell that you can speak and have women fall all over you. But it’s the closest thing you will get to that!
Ok, so now that we know what a neg-hit ISN’T, let us proceed to find out what a neg-hit IS. Remember that a neg-hit is: a remark, sometimes humorous, used to point out a woman’s flaws.
A neg-hit IS used to penetrate a woman’s bitch shield.
A neg-hit IS used to bring a woman down off her self-imposed pedestal.
A neg-hit is SINCERE. Women can spot phony a mile away.
Most importantly, A neg-hit IS used to bring a woman’s self perception more into line with reality.
Now that you know what a neg-hit is and isn’t, let’s discuss upon whom you should deliver a neg-hit. A neg-hit can be safely used on a 9.5 or 10 who knows she ranks that high . A neg-hit can also be safely used on ANY girl who thinks she is a 9 or 10, even if she is actually a 6 or a 7 (these are usually “daddy’s girls”). Don’t use a neg-hit on either of these type of women if they are feeling particularly bad about themselves that day. They may just hate you for it.
The effect of a good neg-hit on a woman’s psyche is something to behold. It does 4 things simultaneously. First, since those high quality women are used to men kissing their ass, it will confuse them ( “This guy isn’t falling all over me like a puppy dog. Why is that? Is my (whatever flaw) really that bad?” ). It throws them off balance and makes them self-conscious. Second, it will pique their curiosity about you, and you become something of a mystery. (”Why isn’t this guy acting like every other AFC I meet? How come my looks haven’t immediately charmed him? What is up with this guy?” ) Third, it will create a challenge (”This guy must have REALLY high standards. I don’t think he likes me. Everyone else likes me. I MUST get him to like me!” ). Fourth, it lets her know that you don’t think she is anything special based on her looks ( “He isn’t amazed by how I look? Why? *GASP* Am I in the presence of a REAL man? Oh, I think my panties are wet!” ) After the neg-hit, watch her eyes. You will see her go “Hey!”, and then you will actually SEE her run through all 4 of those stages mentioned above. It really is amazing. With a few well-placed comments, you have created all the things that Don Juans strive so hard to create, and you have appeared to do it effortlessly.
Or perhaps Nosferatu needs to emphasize the playful spirit necessary to motivate and successfully carry off such an approach, for such an approach not to offend. And here, again, it would have to be a genuine playfulness. That's my objection to most of this, I guess-----the total lack of (or what seems like total lack) of regard for just being g-e-n-u-i-n-e.
Again, all you're seeing is the framework of how this works. It's the guy's personality that does the rest of the work. You may want to go back to lessons 1.x and re-read those. That's the whole reason why I posted those first. It's up to the guy to fill in the blanks with his personality. I'll get into even more in the next post.
Elsewhere: I believe I was correct on the three second rule. It's eye contact that you shouldn't hold for too long before she starts getting weirded out.
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Satanus
“He isn’t amazed by how I look? Why? *GASP* Am I in the presence of a REAL man? Oh, I think my panties are wet!”
*Tsk*
S dirty old man class
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GentlyFeral
When you go to bed, you have trouble sleeping because you can't stop thinking about why he didn't phone you today. You wonder if he lost interest in you, or if he met someone else.
Yes, this happened to me a couple years ago; the same guy ran this routine on me repeatedly.
That's why I dumped him. I tend to take people at face value; if you act like I'm not important to you, I won't waste my time.
GentlyFeral
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Nosferatu
Yes, this happened to me a couple years ago; the same guy ran this routine on me repeatedly.
Just as a side note, I don't promote phone games. I think they're a waste of time and end up doing more damage in the end.
What I'm mentioning is a one-time situation to get her emotions going, and then she gets the guy in the end. It's like if the guy ended up phoning at 1:00 am, apologizes for not phoning when he said he would, and picks her up the next day.
Taking the woman away from the group is like that phone call at 1:00 am (minus the apology)
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SirNose586
Nos is describing more or less the same methods that Tom Leykis advises. Right on.
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Nosferatu
That's interesting because although I'm somewhat aware of who Tom Leykis is, I've never listened to him.