Nosferatu's School of Dating - Lesson 2.1 - The Approach

by Nosferatu 40 Replies latest social relationships

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  misanthropic

  LMAO @ Xena and Six!!!
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  daystar

  Some of you are taking some of the process that Nos is describing way too seriously. You're assuming predator-type behavior here, which it doesn't necessarily have to be.

  I've used some of these methods before, though I'd never read it in some "How to Seduce Women" book and my intention was never to "seduce".

  It's common sense for the most part, and part of "the hunt", "the chase".

  I've led a woman away from her "pack" before, and it's never been rough as some of you seem to be thinking it would be. I sit and chat, make eye-contact, smile openly, laugh... When I think she's adequately attracted and interested, I might ask her if she wants to play pool, or whetever, and I would likely place my hand upon her arm to gently guide her. All this without really even thinking about it.

  Creeps are creeps no matter how they approach. But Nos' suggestions will work for a person who has problems with the approach. Some of the terms used are rather mechanical, ("target", etc.) which is what I think a lot here had a real problem with, but otherwise, not too bad. But many men work better with a set of direct instructions, Step 1, Step 2, etc. without all the cushiness women often need. I'm sure a book geared towards women on how to meet men looks entirely different.
• 

  LittleToe

  Daystar:

  I'm sure a book geared towards women on how to meet men looks entirely different.

  Book??? More like one side of a pamphlet:

  1. Make eye contact with your target prospective honey
  2. Smile
  3. If he smiles back, wink
  4. If he responds, go in for the kill
  5. He's all yours - just remember not to mention wedding bells in the first dozen dates
• 

  detective

  This post was both laugh out loud funny and skanky scary at the same time. You get the "Dude" phrase- as in- "Dude, what the hell are you thinking?" Durn, I must just be a downer- an ugly-assed cock-blocking jerk. I don't think you meant to be intentionally funny and a bit sad- but that's how it's coming off! Easily influenced or desperately lonely men, I beg you to look away!! Do not be lulled into thinking our Romeo here has the cure for your romance woes! Do not be tricked by his fancy romancin' ways!

  Dude- please- it just hurts! Please Nos, tell them you are joking before mass social-suicides occur!
• 

  RAF

  Detective !!!

  but here is what I'm thinking about ...

  The only thing which is sure is that you have to dare at some point (otherwise you’re only dreaming), but you won’t be able to play a character very long even if you have taken good lessons … (it can help but it won’t help you to be someone else).

  Here is some things that might lead somewhere in staying yourself: Do not target anybody in particular … give everybody a chance yourself … most people want the more this or that (but what is really important what they are most or what you really need ?) And that's why you’ve got a few bunch a people who gets everybody’s attention and this mentality is only leading for most being forgotten … till one day somebody give them a chance (are they less interesting? … well check at least).

  The more you target anything the more you feel the need to work on it … I mean you give yourself a job and romance or love shouldn’t have anything to do with a job … (and you might get tired working on it and before or after getting what you want it's just disappointing for both).

  Most of the time it’s all in the eyes (you can feel it – you don’t even have to talk) … but to really get interesting in someone (instead of targeting) you need to listen what he/she have to say to see if you have a common ground (chemistry – compatibility – complicity) that doesn’t mean you have to agree in everything with the other one (it can bother actually – we need challenge).
• 

  J-ex-W

  You've pushed me into getting more scientific on this part...

  Nos-----Actually, pushing you to get...more...something. Specific, really. A lot of what you say works for certain things ONLY and ONLY if done within a very narrow set of parameters does it achieve something positive for both persons. I'm not saying you're way out of line on all things----just that I think it's important to make a few [okay, a LOT] more 'disclaimers' about the approaches you are recommending, in terms of identifiying the pitfalls of being out of BALANCE, in whatever direction, when applying the skills involved.

  Example:

  Your idea of the "nice guy" doesn't match a male's definition of "nice guy". In the male's version, the women don't want the nice guy, they want the jerk. The nice guy will tell her she's beautiful, ask permission to date her, and will let her walk all over him if it makes her happy. The nice guy would never approach a group of people to attempt getting a date. He would sit in the corner and hope that maybe this girl will notice him and walk over. Besides, one of the men at the table could be her boyfriend, and he wouldn't want to risk offending her.

  That is the definition of a nice guy.

  My definition of the "nice guy" doesn't match the UNeducated male's definition of a "nice guy." I'd like you to get more specific in your terms, while educating your readers: This description of a 'nice guy' is, in fact, descriptive of a PASSIVE guy. And a passive approach to meeting girls/ relationships/ life is not automatically remedied by rebounding to its polar opposite, an aggressive approach---which is what a lot of inexperienced [or misinformed] males will do in effort to overcompensate for concerns about passivity. [Females are doing so more and more these days, too.]

  I'd like to see you provide examples of approach that demonstrate behavior that is 1) passive, 2) agressive, 3) passive-aggressive, and 4) assertive. These are the four potential options for addressing any situation/ confrontation--relational pursuits as well ["The Chase"]. When you figure out how to identify and exemplify these (especially the only truly balanced approached--assertive--I'm sure you'll see that a lot of the howling at your posts subsides [both the disdainful laughter and the indignant protests). I'm just looking to see some balance here, dude. That's it. Just balance. The truly nice guy is nice and assertive--not a doormat...and knows how to rein in his alpha (and recognises the need/ wisdom in doing so). Balance.

  Now, look at the nice guy vs jerk situation. Nice guys complain that women go for the abusive jerks. The key here is that she's not attracted to the abuse, she's attracted to a strong, alpha male.

  In my single years, I experimented with how much I could get away with. I was down right mean to some of the girls I dated. The unbelieveable part was the more of an asshole I became, the more the women put up with it, and the harder it was for them to let go of me. This kind of stuff still amazes me when I see it in real life.

  Women are attracted to a man who is con-fi-dent and com-pe-tent. Attracted to displays of confidence and competence. An assertive male displays beautifully!!!

  I'm in my post-divorce single years now, and I've experimented quite a bit myself (because we all learn by the process of pushing the boundaries a bit), but I went nowhere near to the point of getting mean--because that, to me, is just plain UNETHICAL. Males don't deserve to be jerked around by me, anymore than females deserve to be jerked around by you (and/ or your 'students').

  What you are perceiving as what 'works' as described, is in fact the actual set-up of an emotional abuse dynamic. Guys go out of their way to ensure that their female--target, or whatever--is off balance [by your own words, even], and then complain that she is emotionally unbalanced. --All so he can feel alpha, like he has the upperhand. [Some females do this too.]

  There is some place for minor game/ role-playing tussles like these, as long as it not a perpetual aim of one to keep the other unbalanced [or mutual aim, for that matter]. There can be some fun give-and-take on the power tussles, as long as that's what it is--GIVE AND TAKE. [Genuinely allowing the other person to have upperhand sometimes, but aiming for equal balance the majority of the time.]

  Nosferatu, your advice must be given with qualifiers about the need to employ hunter-prey behavior only for short-term, specific purposes, and then to abandon these tactics once initial interest has been established. And it must be exercised only in a manner that benefits both--which you've already admitted has not been your aim in the past [benefitting both]. --And it must not be assumed that you catching her benefits her as well as you!

  All of the advice you give can be equally applied with tables turned: Female hunting male. I know, because I am a natural flirt who employs a lot of the above tactics unconsciously and has to CONSCIOUSLY rein it in so that I do not inadvertently set in motion a hunter-prey [then prey-turned hunter!] dynamic. I have some alpha-female--which I rein in, as I recommend a man rein in his alpha-male. [Wait till you're both in bed--then you can let that stuff loose!]

  I don't recommend downgrading the other person in any circumstances.

  Hoo!! It's getting sudsy up here on my soapbox. I'll tell you what, Nos--good, bad, or indifferent your thread gets me worked up into a lather. --Actually, it's good. It's a good distraction from the other...not so fun...stuff going on in my life. Thanks for the distraction!

  Floor, anyone? Don't slip on the bubbles....
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  serendipity

  A neg-hit IS used to penetrate a woman’s bitch shield.
  
  A neg-hit IS used to bring a woman down off her self-imposed pedestal.
  
  A neg-hit is SINCERE. Women can spot phony a mile away.
  
  Most importantly, A neg-hit IS used to bring a woman’s self perception more into line with reality.
  
  
  RAther misogynistic, isn't it?
• 

  J-ex-W

  A neg-hit IS used to penetrate a woman’s bitch shield.
  
  A neg-hit IS used to bring a woman down off her self-imposed pedestal.
  
  A neg-hit is SINCERE. Women can spot phony a mile away.
  
  Most importantly, A neg-hit IS used to bring a woman’s self perception more into line with reality.
  
  
  RAther misogynistic, isn't it?

  Actually, Serendipity---a neg-hit, in prinicple, works exactly the same way when enacted on a male. So, in this context, yeah--it comes across as misogynistic, because all the language/ behavior aims it toward the female. But males are every bit as susceptible. I just think there's less all-out advice out there that tells females to employ the tactics. Come to think of it...on the contrary...females are most often advised to do the opposite: Build up their target--er, man.
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  LittleToe

  Nos:
  You seem to have missed one of the most important preliminary episode: "How to build confidence".

  IMHO if an individual is confident in themselves, is perfectly able to enjoy their own company, has enough interest in personal development to try a range of things and meet a range of people, they are more likely to get out there and treat people like human beings in the first place.

  Just saying
• 

  Abandoned

  Nos:
  You seem to have missed one of the most important preliminary episode: "How to build confidence".

  IMHO if an individual is confident in themselves, is perfectly able to enjoy their own company, has enough interest in personal development to try a range of things and meet a range of people, they are more likely to get out there and treat people like human beings in the first place.

  Just saying

  Exactly. Why is there a game in the first place? I sniff game, and I've already moved on....