Letter from my mom. What do you think of my response? (page 4)

dust

Yes, who chose "this situation"? It's a controversial question, isn't it.

My wife is an ex-JW, and her parents shun her. I've told them that we know that it can't be easy for JWs to behave like this towards people they love. But that fortunately for my wife, it's not as hard for her to be treated like this, because she is not the one who is obliged to behave in a certain way towards anyone, she is not the one who feels any necessity of hiding her love.

I think (or rather hope) that explained it better to my parents-in-law than the classical "you are doing it, not she". I also added that even though they treat her the way they do, it is impossible not to notice that they do love her. We can tell from their faces, their eyes, the tone of their voice.

I've also told them that we defend their right to shun her, because they must follow their conscience. At our wedding, when my wife had introduced my parents to the guests, I introduced her parents (not present) saying that they were absent for valid reasons, and that we know it was hard for them.

Quandry

Your letter makes me cry, too. I have a daughter. I love her dearly. I do not like to think of the anguish you and your mother are going through. I would also advise you to drop the "for the first time in my life" thing. It makes it seem like nothing ever went right when you were with your parents. This will make mom defensive. The rest of your letter does not put anyone on the defense.

You might also say that you dreamed about her sharing your shopping trip for the dress. In fact, you could ask her opinion on some aspect of the wedding. I would also close the letter with the scripture "love never fails."

Why does the WTS always say that it is a voluntary organization and that one can leave anytime? They fail to include the fine print showing the disastrous consequences of leaving.

truthsearcher

Hi Renee:

Your situation with your mom reminds me of when my own mother got married. She was DF'd for marrying my Dad who was outside of their cult. It was terribly hard on my grandmother--they were very close. Gran was in denial the whole time: "She won't do this to me, she won't do this" She cried the whole day of the wedding (was absent) and for Mom, this day of joy, was also marred. She always, to this day, looks back on her wedding as a time of sadness because of the shunning. The problem, as you know, is that they are in bondage to a cult, and can not see to break free.

I can imagine that your mom is feeling the same way--that this is something that is being done to her. When you pray, ask for your heart to be filled with compassion and forgiveness towards your parents. You know that if they were free, they would be with you in a heartbeat! This is an opportunity for you to affirm your unconditional love, just like Christ loved us when we were still in darkness, alienated from Him. Treat your parents the way you would want to be treated.

I thought what others had to say about the letter were good. Here are some more thoughts:

She said:"last week was very hard on me it was one year ago Wednesday that I lost you. I hope that you understand. As a mother this is something that I will never get over."

Maybe you could acknowledge this in your reply. Was it hard for you too Renee, if so, you could say something about their shunning being difficult for you too, or just that you are sorry that they feel they have to behave this way towards you when you know that you are both so full of love for one another. That you hold no bitterness towards them for the actions they feel they must take, although it is one you feel is biblically unloving.

She also said: "this is a day that you need to enjoy and not worry about me being there." If you feel this is a genuine sentiment, you could express appreciation for her thoughtfulness.

You said: "I'll have a new family and they will love me for who I am. If you don't want to be part of my life I can understand but know that I will never stop praying for you as long as you are alive."

You might want to reword the new family part because it could be hurtful to her, make her think that you are quickly and easily replacing them in your heart. She may think you are referring to your inlaws, and that would sting. I don't think that is what you intended. Perhaps you could say something like "I wish you two could be proud of me more than anything in this world but even if you never are, (groom) loves me for who I am. When we have children, they will also love me for who I am. If you don't want to be part of my life I can understand but know that I will never stop loving you, missing you and praying for you as long as you are alive."

These are just some ideas, maybe they will spark something more in your mind that you would like to say. Another idea (if you feel up to it) is perhaps you could write her a real letter closer to the wedding, expressing appreciation for things that were meaningful to you as you were growing up. There was a book called "The Tribute" that talked about honouring our parents while they were still alive with a letter like this. I have a copy and can give you more ideas to include if you PM me about it. She might like to read it on your wedding day.

TS

SirNose586

It's a good response. I like Scully's letter better, though.

darth frosty

Like lil toe said it may not be your style...But I like scully's. It is forcefull but it say's what need's to be said.

Crumpet

"I pray to God that the day will come when his will will be done on earth and no longer will family relationships be destroyed by the teachings of men as ours has been." seek2find

I loved this sentence as it demonstrates you still have a belief in God but might just trigger the thought that this is man made - this division of families, but then you did talk about Jesus would never have done such a thing so its probably covered.

Scully's letter is awesome too. I understand that you still want the limited contact you do have and have to say you are lucky in that, but its possibly only because this falls under the heading of "family business". Like Sassmyfrass said - sometimes the limited family business contact is worse because often it is very cold and unloving and can put you back in your own growth a couple of months.

exjdub

Renee,

Very nice letter...very loving. The only thing that I would say is in response to this:

I was talking about the future relationship I WILL have. The one with my kids .. her grandchildren. I hope she catches that.

When I read your letter I thought you were talking about your In-Laws when you said that you would have new family to love. Only you know if your mother will pick up on the real meaning or not, but you might want to clarify the children/grandchildren angle so that your mom does not walk away with the wrong thought.

exjdub

outnfree

Renee, I think you have to write the letter in your own style and that what you have written shows great maturity as a person and as a Christian. I agree with several other posters that the part about having a new family sounds more like the in-laws are going to replace your parents (and any siblings?) rather than that you will BUILD a new family who will love you for who you are. Maybe "build" could replace "have"? Good luck and best wishes for many blessings on your wedding day and beyond. out

Letter from my mom. What do you think of my response?

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