I beleive in starting a relationship on the basis of equality. If someone fools around on me then I have the right to do so myself. This however renders the relationship a joke. One thing I've often wondered is that it only takes seconds to commit an act at work or in your spare time and some people are very proficient liars. How does anyone know they have not been cheated on? I was reading "Dear Abby's" column once about a woman who was married for 50 years and when her husband died, she found from his co workers that he had cheated on her, her whole life. She lived a lie all those years and all that time was wasted living an illusion. Loving someone may just blind one to the realities that exist around them. I have proven to myself that commitment is possible without marriage. Marriage to me is only an excuse for lawyers to get fat off your misery if it fails. I open a relationship telling my partner what I expect and until somene does something to tip the balance everything is just fine. Why should I play second fiddle to some dude who doesn't have to do all the work of making a relationship suceed. If I'm not in a relationship frame of mind then I can bend the rules a bit. That doesn't mean I don't have rules in this regard either. For instance there are plenty of single women who may just want fun rather than being serious. If I see someone is taken, why would I want to step on that fellows toes. Or going after someone that is married. I can respect other people, until they want to play another game. Then the rules change.
The love of your life "cheats" on you....could you forgive?
by new boy 53 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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JWdaughter
Not a total deal breaker, but definitely a "stop and figure out whats going wrong and how can we fix it" event, for sure.
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Nellie
Here's when I have to say that you need to define "cheating." To my knowledge, my husband has never cheated on me. That is, had sexual relations with another woman. That definition would also be true for me to him. I have never had sexual relations with another man. However . . . there was a time when I was involved in an emotional relationship with someone. When I think back on it, I know that it hurt him (no we've never really, really talked about it) and I know that that kind of situation can be even more damaging/painful than an affair.
Marriage is more than a sexual partnership, it's an emotional partnership. And the warm feelings that we have for our mates, should never be shared with another. It humbles me that we made it through that, and I am ever so grateful that I was smart enough not to take the physical step - because I don't think he would've forgiven me.
It also makes it difficult for me to take a hard stand and say I'd never forgive him. I hope I never have to find out!
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LoverOfTruth
I think every situation is Different. One really doesn't know until it happens.
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Gerard
Happened to me once; I was 23 and we were not married but she was the one for me and that was it. Wanna know how I found out?: She gave me a venereal disease after 3 years of 'monogamy'. I was shocked, sad and very disapointed. She refused to talk, she claimed innocense but she did not even try to imply I was the unfaithfull one.... She could not go that far and blame me but denied all with tremendous guilt in her eyes. No comunication at all. She just wanted to "forget and move on". I could not believe my trust went down the toilet, just like that. I could not believe she kept lieing. I did not want to live a romantic lie and waste my love and time. It took me months to pack my stuff and leave. She exposed remorse and guilt as when she lied about minor stuff. She denied she cheated til the end.
It took me more years to heal than I am willing to admit but I am glad now that happened as I was able to travel all over the world, heal my heart slowly and love again without fear or jealousy. I am very in love with my wife and she has all my confidence. She's my best friend and best lover ever.
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Gerard
- edited- Double post.
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UnConfused
It if was with a girl, yes
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zensim
I think each situation should be taken on its' individual merits and one shouldn't have a hard line on this until the pain has eased and lots of honest examination has taken place by both parties.
However, I also don't agree that monogamy is natural. To me, saying you should be with only one person (supposedly for the rest of your life) and only love that one person is like saying you can only have one child - that you couldn't possibly love more than one offspring at a time; or that you can only have one 'best' friend - not a few very close friends.
Marriage, or partnership, can be about need or ownership or control (even on very subtle levels).
I don't know, my head and my heart tell me different things on this matter. My head tells me it would get waaaaay too complicated to have an open relationship, my heart (and body) says it shouldn't be restricted.
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avidbiblereader
Done it before in the past and would never do it again.
Once the trust is gone, so is the marriage.
abr
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new boy
Great post Zemism..............I agree with you.
It seems looking at all the post that (in general) the ladies are way more forgiving then the guys.