Suicide

by Regrets 44 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  OnTheWayOut

  Clearly, you have needed to get this burden off your shoulders. Posting here is not enough, perhaps.
  Go to therapy. You tried to off yourself, that deserves some attention, even if you have lived past it.
  Get this off your shoulders with therapy, otherwise it could still weigh you down from moving on with
  your life.
• 

  slimboyfat

  Well I can hardly think of a more emphatic demonstration that you're sorry.
• 

  found-my-way

  It's amazing that we carry the secret burdens that we do.

  You are not alone in having a secret that you cannot bear to share...many have secrets.

  I agree that you shouldn't share it with your wife, this was years ago...it will only bring her pain, and you have proven that you are sorry...

  You have to forgive yourself, and you need to move on.

  Once you do this, you can be the best husband that your wife deserves, right?

  you need to let go of your past self, and embrace your new self...

  seeing a therapist will help you to do that if you feel that you cant do it on your own.
• 

  drew sagan

  cruzanheart said she feels your wife knows more than what you think she knows. I'm going to have to agree with that, and it seems like you have also. I agree that you need to forgive yourself and move on with life. I don't feel comfortable telling you what you should or should not tell your wife, so I'm just not going to go there. But I do think she allready knows. I'm very glad you have found that life is worth living!
  
  -Drew
• 

  JWdaughter

  We all have regrets, and your sincerity in your love for your wife, your despair about your action towards her, and your trying to end it show that you have 'repented' the act. If you have gone all those years w/o repeating it, I really don't think you will help anything to reveal it now. You will just be sharing this burden that obviously has hurt you. You didn't bring home disease, you aren't emotionally attached to another. You will be forcing her to take an action-and as a JW it may be one that you can't live with. If you are faded and she is still in, her inclination to be forgiving and give you a pass due to all the circumstances may be circumvented by the elders who see an opportunity to remove some rot from the WT (in their view). So you could take a happy and contented wife and turn her into a confused JW who is divorcing her weak/apostate husband with the support(actually encouragement) of the elders/society. This is just my feelings, and I am not familiar enough with her or you or the local cong. to know if this is the case. I would proceed with caution though.

  OTOH, you definitely should get some counseling for yourself. You need to forgive yourself after all this time. Get some help.
• 

  Bryan

  More than once I have attempted (succeeded) personal physical harm, because of not being able to handle the emotional hemeraging.

  I had your plan, also, at one time. One difference was that I took out a 50 thousand dollar insurance policy. My stratagy was to cross lanes and drive head-on into a tractor trailer (Ford Currier vs. Mack Truck). The other difference is that I later decided not to do the deed. I knew with a new insuarance policy I had to wait a short while before letting my wife cash in. In that wait period, I suppose, I found relief somewhere.

  Don't feel bad... let yourself heal... not even the JW Jehovah want's you to suffer forever.

  Best,

  Bryan
• 

  Good Girl or Bad Girl?

  (I understand, Regrets. Please allow yourself to heal. Please don't consider yourself a coward; you are human. Thank You for sharing your experiences. Hugs to you, Dear One.)
• 

  UnConfused

  I forgive you.
  
  No go and lead a good life.
  
  You are forgiven.
• 

  Quandry

  I also think that deep down your wife may suspect your secret. The fact that the paper is gone and she did not question you further says something.

  I am glad that your plan did not succeed. You have worth. Your children need a father. One who loves and is proud of them. I hope you tell them this often. Please tell your wife the same and mean it.

  I do not judge. All of us live with past mistakes. All of us are, after all, only human.
• 

  BrentR

  I am glad that fate has given you second chance and that your kids still have thier dad around. You are so very important to them. I too hope you go get some help, this is too big for one person to deal with. Counselling is empowering and gives some life coping tools that you can use from here on out. I would never try to move a 300 Lbs appliance without asking someone to help. That does not mean that I am weak, it just means it's bigger then I am.

  Something that can motivate you to end your life is bigger then you are. So ask someone to give you a hand.

  I have done it myself and have no regrets. What I learned will allow me to deal with crisis far more effectively and have better control of my life.