Suicide (page 3)

Gerard

I could never get over a religion that had me so scared of the consequences of my actions that I had to kill myself to avoid that pain.

((((()))))))

I have been reading your responses throughout the day. I am amazed at the forgiveness sent by you. Thank you. This has been a load to bear. I have told my best friend. When I finally told him, I was stunned at his acceptance and the fact that he would remain silent. He, by the way, was never baptised and is a firm non believer. I had never realised that a friend could keep a secret of that magnitude without feeling the need to tattle.

It was an epiphany for me as far as real friends are concerned. After growing up with the idea that a real friend tattles, I had a hard time trusting anyone. Not too long ago I realized that it was my upbringing that caused my trust issues. Nomore dubs, no more trust issues. It was not until I stopped living the lie that I could finally come to terms with trusting my wife. Not to say that she would ever or did ever make my mistake. No I mean that to be able to talk about what I really feel about things without fear of recrimination from her was a great feeling. I just didn't allow myself to believe that I could share my thoughts with her. This is why our marriage is better. We are finallhy closer as a result of this.

All of your support has been very comforting. I posted this for more than just that though. Often people speak of suicide as a selfish act. For the one who is doing it, me for instance, that was the furthest from the truth. Although twisted, the idea is that if I am removed from loved ones lives, then the pain of my mistakes go away. I know now that this is backwards, because the time with the loved one is more important than the mistakes. How would my children grow up without their father? How would their lives turn out? These are the things that get short-circuited when the emotional state is so far gone. Unfortunately, dubs way of doing things only adds to the pressure. It does not help relive these things in a private and personal way. How can you go to someone who is just going to use your confession against you? How can you speak to anyone who will help? Going to a counselor for no apparent reason will only bring red flags and counsel from the self-appointed counselors otherwise known as elders.

Heaven forbid you should ever get any professional help. "They don't understand God's word on these matters." It is a crock. My bitterness is coming out right now. I am not really sure what I had intended to say when I started this reply, so please forgive my ramblings. Sometimes you have no control over what comes out. My biggest frustration right now is that my wife will not even consider any of the things that prove the falsehoods of the dubs. She is sure that I am wrong and will no longer discuss it with me. I take what I can get. We really do have a great life together. I have fought tooth and nail to show her that even though I no longer believe as a dub, my love for her and the kids has not changed. This is the security that she needs. To know with full confidence that I would do anything for her and that I love her is enough. Thank God for that. It was a struggle to get to that point, but at last we are there.

Initially I started this reply to help people understand suicide. I hope that more do and are as forgiving as those who have replied. Thank you all again, and maybe one day there will no longer be the need for a board of ex-dubs. It will be a board of happiness with a happy future without the need to deprogram and find real life. Who woulda thunk that life after dubs could be so good.

Regrets

Who are you?

Thank you for reading this , and yes, I do expect many negative responses for my cowardice and the fact that I am hiding my infidelity.

Being a coward would be to go tell your wife so that your conscience was eased while her world was turned upside down.

I've been married for 27 years. When we got married we were 19 and 21. I don't know if I would even recognize those two people today. I know for sure that our views on marriage would be different. Marriages can survive almost anything if you constructively deal with all the issues that are going to come up. When you screw up, then you try to get to the bottom of it through one on one professional counseling and you make amends to your wife by treating her as well as you possibly can. A one night stand from years ago does not need to be controlling your thoughts and actions today. This scenario is exactly where therapy can help. Make the call.

Highlander

Being a coward would be to go tell your wife so that your conscience was eased while her world was turned upside down.

I agree,,, You will simply be placing your burden onto her shoulders. In other words,, any happiness she has now, will be sucked out of her and put inside of you.

I hate saying this, but happiness often times comes at a cost to other people. Do you want to cost your wife of her happiness simply because you want the easy way out of your guilt?

Seeing a therapist, even for a short time, can help immensely.

With that said, don't ever cheat again. If you think there's a chance that you will,, then you should be honest about your indiscretions and then proceed to get out of the marriage.

But to save the marriage simply DON'T DO IT AGAIN, and keep your burden to yourself.

LittleToe

While many here have seen the negative effects of Fundamentalist Christianity, folks raised in Scottish Presbyterianism have a saying that hits the mark when it comes to this kind of situation:

There, but for the grace of God, go I.

It acknowledges that we all have the ability to conduct ourselves in monstrous ways, being only one action away from any such deed. It takes the focus away from judgementalism, because if we don't slip in one way we often slip in another. If only such understanding were practised more consistently (and I intentionally don't use the word "forgiveness", here, because IMHO that would be condescending).

While there are always individuals that need further maturing into the ways of tolerance and understanding, for the most part the folks on this Board are great examples of what it means to love with few limits. We never find out until we test it, however, and your anonymous post has revealed that.

Peace and Grace be upon you.

mouthy

I too tried the suicide route.too....But am glad it didnt work now. I believe telling your wife what you did years ago will only discourage her.

Carry your own load-is good advice. I know that forgiving yourself is hard to do. I still cant.But knowing that we have only 1 judge really (even though others like to do it) .Leave it up to HIM

Knowing that your not going to be deceitful to her again. Is the right thing to recognise ...I hope you both continue being in love. Just dont get onto the topic about the "LIE" because those who consider it truth WILL NOT FORGIVE....God Bless

Sad emo

Another suicide attempter here, also glad I didn't succeed even though some days I have doubts.

We can continue to learn learn and move on ...

Peace to you

Lady Lee

I want to commend every person who has posted here for their compassion and understanding regarding Regrets.

The WTS/JWs claim to have true love amongst themselves. To them love is something that always has strings attached and they don't even know it. They also think that mistakes should be punished and often in the harshest manner. Regrets, I suspect that is what you expected when you made this post.

But despite the wide range of beliefs of the people that have posted here they have all shown you that people with heart are not out to condemn or villify you for past mistakes. They have understood your need for anonimity regarding this subject and all have shown what it really means to care.

truthseeker

Regrets,

Thanks for sharing with us. I wish you the best.

The Bible talks about a "time to speak and a time to keep quiet."

In view of your situation, and your desire to get straight, now would be a good time to keep quiet. No good can come from confession except to God.

This is one of those occasions where private confession to God, a willingness to move on and be a better man is a better choice than losing your family.

Regrets

It has been very therapeutic to hear all of the positive responses. Always in the back of my mind is the nagging doubt about dropping this bomb on my wife. I just cannot see that selfishly looking for forgiveness from her to make me feel better would accomplish anything good. I decided a long time ago to shoulder this on my own for the sake of my family's mental health. I am a big boy, I can handle it.

All of your heartfelt responses have helped me feel much more comfortable with my decision. I gave up the guilt when I gave up the dubs. Guilt will kill you if you let it. It will also poison any relationships if you don't get past it. I chose not to let it ruin me and my family. I have moved on and at this point, just felt the need to share. I hope in some way some of you have received as much benefit from my post as I have from all of yours. Thank all of you from my heart for your support and kind words. It is too bad we cannot all be together as if it were a summer assembly. Only that gathering would be a positive experience for all, not a guiltfest designed to control you into obedience.

Regrets

Suicide

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