Can You See Yourself With Someone Nearly 20 Years Your Junior? (page 4)

rolling rock

It's not legal (or would I want to) for me to date a 13 year old. So no...

But in your case I say go for it...

LongHairGal

Rich:

There are exceptions to every rule. If you both were truly in love with each other (which I don't get the sense that you are), you might be able to make a go of it.

Don't let anybody's perceptions get in the way of your life, if this is truly what you want. Who cares if you look older than her? In ten years that won't make a difference. It's up to you.

LHG

Wanderer, I have dated mostly older gentlemen, some of them my dad's age, one old enough to be my granddad. I just enjoy an older man's company more; they have better stories to tell. My partner is older than me, and on a good day, I still get mistaken for his daughter. He's got a great sense of humor, and also thinks it's pretty cool to have a younger woman attracted to him. So, we always have a good laugh about it. Other gentlemen I've dated have not been so at ease about the age difference; as soon as I realized a man was uncomfortable or embarrassed to be seen with me, I ended the relationship. See, the problem wasn't the age difference, it was the man's inability to deal with it; try as they might, some guys just can't get past it. If this age thing makes you so uncomfortable, please make it clear to this lady how you feel, sooner rather than later. You both deserve to be in a relationship that you can feel good about. Having said that, I worry that you might be selling yourself short. If she's so wonderful, why must other people's opinions matter so much to you? what if she were two years younger than you, and got mistaken for your sister? Would it matter? More important, should it matter?

The wanderer

Dear Insomniac:

You have raised many good questions. And, to
be truthful about it the insecurity is my own.

I am not comfortable with the age gap and that
is just me.

You are right in what you say insomniac, but
I think a relationship can work a little bit
better if it is within 10 years or so.

Just my opinion on matters.

Thank you for your perspective.

Respectfully,

The Wanderer

Warlock

I'm 49 and I wouldn't have a problem dating someone who was around 30, but 21 or 22? I would feel like I'm dating my daughter.

Now keep in mind I've been married for over 20 years and if I ever became "unmarried" for whatever reason, I wouldn't date anyone (except Mary).

Warlock

hopelesslystained

I have been married 12 happy years to a man 17yrs my junior. He fell for me when he had just turned 20. I'd had a relationship with an 18yr old a couple of years before this, he was just too young and I ended up breaking his heart, he was a wonderful, and good person. So I felt sad about that.

Back to my husband, we had many common friends so ran into each other often at parties etc. even though we lived 250 miles apart. I kept my distance as he is also a wonderful good person and I just knew at the time I would end up hurting him. I just wasn't ready to be settled for a few reasons. Anyway, fast forward 8 yrs and we started spending our time together, got married, and have been extremely happy. He hung in there and waited, and got some experience under his belt and matured. I could no longer resist and was ready.

Point being, it all depends on each individual and their particulars in life.

One problem I did have though was with my girlfriends (married & unmarried), they couldn't hide their jealousy and actual anger for the first few years we were married. But friendship won out.

There are many happy older/younger couples out there, but, in my experience they are 95 percent older women with younger men. Women tend to come into their own at 27-30 and find they no longer need the older man figure.

Hope

Finally-Free

I'm 49, divorced, and I'm not dating anyone at all. I've had a few women where I work, all between 20 and 35, ask me out. I always find a way of gracefully getting out of it. Ok, sometimes not so gracefully. I don't know why they're asking me - I'm much older, overweight, and cranky. Maybe they think I have lots of money, or have a good life insurance policy. Beyond that I can't see what the attraction is. But at this point in time I'm just not interested in anyone.

That being said, when I was 36 I was pursued by a really hot girl who was 22. She told me she loved me, and I felt the same way about her, but I was still a JW and married, so we agreed to just be friends. Now, 13 years later, we're still friends. She's married now and has kids. Our feelings for each other haven't changed, and probably never will. Sometimes the timing just sucks.

Wanderer, I say give it a shot. If it works, that's great. If not that's ok too. It's part of life. But don't hold back and perhaps end up regretting your desision years down the road, as I am.

W

Paralipomenon

She mentions she does not like "boys" in her
age group because of all the head games and
they are interest in one thing.

In addition, she claims she likes older men
"daddy figures".

====================

Hmmmm.

Eventually she's going to grow up and the "boys" her age will become men. The "daddy figure" comment, if a direct quote would bother me. I don't mind if people would think that my date was my daughter, but if my date thought of me as a "father figure" I don't think I could help but be disturbed.

The big question was, if you were 21 and met her, would she be interested in you? Sounds like she's just after you for your looks ;)

I'm not sure about you, but I live my life by my gut feelings. If my gut said no, I wouldn't do it. But my gut wouldn't say no because of what others might think.

UnConfused

What would you talk about?

The wanderer

Dear Parlip:

She told me that if I was her age she would
not have given me a second look.

The "Daddy" thing bothers me also.

Thanks,

The Wanderer

Can You See Yourself With Someone Nearly 20 Years Your Junior?

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