Can You See Yourself With Someone Nearly 20 Years Your Junior?

by The wanderer 62 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  OnTheWayOut

  You could go out with her and make it clear that there are no expectations.

  This would allow you to get out there on the dating scene. You could have
  lots of fun.

  I answered earlier according to my understanding of the type of guy you are.
  I am confident that this would bother you too much. I also don't think you are
  ready for casual "no expectations" dating for fun, unless it's with someone
  closer to your age and closer to your type. Your continued answers confirm
  that this bugs you too much to overlook it for some "fun."
• 

  The wanderer

  Dear OnTheWayOut:
  
  You have me down 100%.
  
  Thanks for being there.
  
  Respectfully,
  
  Richard
  
  (The Wanderer)
• 

  greendawn

  It's hard to evaluate this issue since age is only one factor in the equation. The only thing that may be a problem in such relationships in the long run is sexual incompatibility as the older partner may possibly slow down too much for the younger one at a certain age. But some women just like and prefer mature men.

  Otherwise if there is a match of personalities and characters there is no reason why a 20 year difference should be more of a problem than a one year difference. In fact the maturity of one may work well in giving the relationship a unique agreeable dimension all else being OK.
• 

  averyniceguy

  If she is HOT and mature for her age. Go for it!
• 

  Scully

  Well take a look at the kind of couples you get when there is a significant (20+ years) age difference:

  Celine Dion and Rene Angelil (The "Daddy Factor" in play here, not to mention the creep factor)

  Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore

  It seems to me that it is totally out of your character to be in a relationship like that. The fact that you're expressing reservations is HUGE. Do not ignore what your "gut" is telling you. For all you know, she could be a gold digger telling you what she thinks you want to hear.
• 

  PEC

  If you can handle the comments and looks, I say go for it. I would trade 5 or 10 happy years for 50 unhappy years any day.

  I met my wife at 21, she was in her 40s and had been in an abusive relationship for 20+ years, it took her six years to start trusting me. We are still together and very much in love, 25 years later.

  People are always asking our ages and we tell them it is none of their business. Last month at the Long Beach grand prix, we were getting off an elevator and some asshole said where's grandpa. When I was younger, I would have corrected him, with a punch in the face, now I try let it ride, if I won't be seeing that person again.

  Philip
• 

  John Doe

  Hmm, 20 years my junior? That would make her 8, so no. However, no one can tell you what is right for you. I've always believed in kindered spirits and souls, and once we're adults, age should ideally not factor into the equation. You mention worries about other people mistaking her for your daughter. In my opinion, other people can go to hell. You don't owe anyone anything besides yourself and her.
• 

  R.Crusoe

  It depends on both your perspectives as to the relationship each of you may be contemplating.

  Personally I'd feel an extreme lack of confidence in that situation and this alone would tend to prevent me seriously considering it.

  However if each of you are confident about who you are and about each other, then I see it as ok to see how you both integrate at a personal level. Some couples these days look at relationships in terms of the immediate future and not 15yrs from now, which is something else that would haunt me!

  Everything is relative, and if the chemistry is there it may be something that could grow into a beautiful relationship.

  Workplaces do produce a number of relationships in our society, but they can equally cause subsequent difficulties and it would be wise to consider any negative effects on your position should a relationship be started and later break down.

  Part of your difficulty is that a non - stereotypical mating lies before you - age and the stigma of young women/ older men psychologies, as well as the frowned upon 'mixing work with pleasure' situation. All depends on how you both think you could handle all these complications in a way which makes them uncomplicated.
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  The wanderer

  Dear R. Crusoe:
  
  True and very well spoken.
  
  I will take it to heart.
  
  Respectfully,
  
  The Wanderer
• 

  BluesBrother

  If you need to ask the question ...maybe you are telling us what you know deep inside...

  It depends on the individals. It is not so unusual really, to have a 20 year age gap , are you young at heart? Is she a mature person? I have met several couples with just such an age difference and they seem to get on fine...