Hi Crumpet~
I can only speak from my own experiance with my daughter having bi-polar.
Yesterday, by mail, She got her confirmation from the government, their assessment and final diagnosis that indeed she is bi-polar. I have not given her the letter yet.
Looking back when she was a young girl, I can see now that she struggled and was a bit different. I thought it was my divorce and struggles etc etc that effected her. If I had been better informed and not so much into being full of guilt, she may have gotten help sooner. But she is still young and so are you.
She has been taking meds for almost 4 months consistantly now. As she got pregnant when first taking meds(the risk of preg is higher with the meds)......she is now on another medication that has less percentage of birth defects. She is so much more stable, thinking, going through life. Without all the energy dealing with the disorder and the problems it causes, she has an amazing brain that functions and reasons very well.
I did talk to a doctor, feeling I was bipolar as well, she did not seem to think so as I can keep a job and house, etc etc, but actually I always live on the edge. I had another doctor who said my biggest weakness was my strength. There is something bigger inside me that was able to hid my bizarre thinking, so I never got help. I used to get extreme highs and lows. I started to take a mild anti-depressant long ago to sleep and I could tell it was leveling me out. I felt very banal, in the flow of all of mankind. I did not feel those highs in which i was creative or those lows that made me come down to the sadness of humanity.......and the complete aloneness I felt. I felt ordinary, somewhat normal and I really did not like it.
I am coming back to my creative senses, and it is different. It is more disciplined, not totally all consuming. I feel in control, instead of it controlling me.
My daughter is very special to me and although I have five children, I don't think I have loved anyone deeper than my daughter.
What I am trying to say, is there are many that love and care about you.......warts and all. Stick to the people you feel safe and secure with, so that when you feel like you are displaying undesirable behaviour that you are surrounded by people that know the differance between the real crumpet and the other crumpet. As my daughter has come to know herself without the sickness taking over, she was shakey at first. She needed to talk without judgement, which I know you have many friends that will do that for you.
Try again to add me to messenger...........I think I messed it up somehow.
You are in my thoughts often as many others on the board. I am consumed with taking care of things at home and would like to reach out more to others, but often times just cannot.
But when you see me online, I am there to talk.........look forward to it.
purps
You are a very couragious woman...........don't be scared to discover whats inside you.