Firstly if I havent thanked you in person for your post please forgive me - its very hard since you can only see the last four posts to refer to when you want to respond. But I am very appreciative.
Jill - thanks for the warning about interfering with the birth control pill with St Johns Wort as I wouldnt have known that. I should probably wait and see what the doctors say and prescribe and at least try it, but I am really keen to try something more natural and that doesnt feel like I am being chemically castrated.
Brigid - it means a lot for me that you still love me. One of things I had to think about for a day or two before I posted this thread was - what if people dont like me anymore. What if next time they see me they are all looking for signs of mentalness and backing away slowly, but I decided I had to take that risk.
Snowbird - did you really call me a wicked old heifer? LOL! Well in what context - I'm sure I had probably done something wickedly cowlike to elicit such a response so I don't mind.
Mr and Mrs Dragonlady - thanks for sharing your experiences - I'm really glad you have found a way through. Sometimes the calm sounds attractive, but if I am rfeally honest I like being different. I love it. What I hate is when I alienate people through weird behaviour and when I am so low that I physically cant motivate myself to do anymore than go to the bathroom for days on end. That is torture.
Purps - I confess I was looking forward to what you had to say and advise on this and you didnt disappoint. I think like you I am very good at hiding and excusing things hence why I have been able to keep a job. That said my behaviour has caused me to lose a job in the past when I was quite young. And truthfully the extra stress of the last few months has caused me to have more repetitive cycling. SOmetimes I can control it and keep at what I call normal for up to two weeks but more normally I have the manic high stage two or three times a week. And some days like Friday I went from high to very low and frighteningly suicidal because of the pressure being put on me by HR at work to calm and then high again.
Learningtofly - you are so sweet and its been clear from the beginning what an asset you will be here.