I just don't understand (page 4)

nvrgnbk

part of me says let her go if that is what she really wants

Now you're looking squarely at reality.

That's very healthy.

Use this painful experience to learn.

Learn all there is to learn about reality.

There is much wisdom in the words James Thomas offered on this thread.

I believe he was once an elder.

I was as well.

Some others here still are.

When one examines reality, it is no longer possible to accept certain things blindly.

If you're thoroughly convinced that you are in the truth, no amount of reading or investigation or introspection will harm your faith. When you are willing to shed all your cherished beliefs, only reality will remain.

Go from there. Find peace and love.

My very best to you and yours.

Nate

Edited: My apologies, James Thomas posted some kind words on a thread from another newcomer.

I'll quote it here as I feel it may be of some benefit to you:

Welcome, Necco.
Perhaps it may be helpful to ask yourself a question, and ponder on it until you are certain of your answer, and then act accordingly.
The question is: Do you want to know the truth the best you can? Do you want to get a deeper sense of what is real, and what is not?
If you desire truth, then, like a CSI team, thorough investigation is required. Everything must be questioned, and nothing taken for granted or accepted too quickly as fact. Truth, demands that we perform honest and painstaking analyses and inquiry. It is the nature of truth that the deeper we look and discover what is false, the clearer truth becomes.
This requires courage and the willingness to let go of preconceived and cherished notions and beliefs that prove themselves to be incorrect.
Perhaps such personal effort is not your thing, and you would rather be fed what to believe with the stipulation that you do not question (however, since truth is authenticated via questioning and analysis, this may be a dangerous place to tread). It's your call to take such a path or not.
On the other hand, if you want truth, and you have the courage to investigate, this may be the place for you; because we welcome pretty much anything and everything to be questioned and discussed on this forum.
Welcome again. So glad you joined us.
j

BlackSwan of Memphis

You want her to confide in you what is "really going on"? Oh, well let's say she does. And the information is, as you say, confidential, what are you going to do with the information if it goes against what you believe are bible principles?

Sometimes, often perhaps, people who are witnesses will not confide out of fear.

If she tells you what you think you should know, are you going to keep what she tells you confidential?

If she IS having an affair, are you going to take her to the elders? Or are you going to recognize that it's just over and let her go and let it be?

Be careful what you are seeking, you just might get it. And the result might be much different then what you are hoping for.

good luck

RAF

Jgnat : Now you're getting it, thank you.
Approach her with your history as friends and a couple, and try and really listen. Realize you may not be able to salvage the marriage. But you might be able to get through this friends. For your boys' sake.
just to emphase it ...
Best wishes ...
Eddited to add : nice quote of James Thomas from nvr ... BTW

ttc99wilson

I have read every reply and I know that most of you think I am some kind of jerk. Sometimes when we post, the true meaning is lost because of the inability to truly express oneself. Well there is a lot more that hasn't been discussed simply because of the amount of time it would take. I have tried to reach out to her several times, I have apologized for my faults and have promised her that I could work on them and make changes. However, don't be fooled into thinking that she is the victim in all of this. She has her faults too but after time and prayer I just learned to overlook them. My wife has never been good at talking about her feelings, and for that matter me neither. We seemed to do better when we emailed each other that way she didn't feel like I was being confrontational. So just so all of you know, I have sent several emotional emails and letters that I felt I was basically pooring out my heart to her and she never responded. I asked her if she even read them and she said she had. I have tried to talk to her and she just clams up and doesn't discuss it. I just sent her another email after realizing after some of you said that it's no wonder she is leaving. In a nut shell, I was very sincere and apologized for being spiritual and asked her to work things out with a neutral counsler. I hope I can get through to her and once again thank you all for helping me realize I was being a bit too spiritual and that was actually causing more friction.

BlackSwan of Memphis

asked her to work things out with a neutral counsler.

for the record, I don't think you're a jerk. Don't know you.

Anyhow, this is the smartest thing to do. Just remember if she does confide in you, she is confiding, which is not an easy thing to do.

jgnat

Sweetheart, you are in pain, it is easy to see. When you have done all, stand. God will carry you.

nvrgnbk

I have read every reply and I know that most of you think I am some kind of jerk.

Not at all, brother.

You are awakening. Don't fight it. Please don't go backwards.

As many have stated, if you proceed with wisdom and love, you will keep your wife as your friend. Surely that is great gain.

Your pain will subside.

RAF

Don't get us wrong ... WE ARE NOT JUDGING YOU ... Not our right anyway ...
And you know what? just you still talking to us trying to get as much opinion as you can get shows that you really want to work it out ...
The thing is that it wouldn't have been good/fair to just state that she is bad ... Because we know how much this religion is misleading people even in their familly affaires ... You might both just be (like a lot) victimes ...
maybe you'd like to read James Thomas quote once again ...
I feel for you ... but I also feel for her and your kids.
Take care ...
and God bless you all

DJK

I am going to try and get through to her as a friend and husband

I believe your Jehovah will find that acceptable. After all it was he that made marriage sacred and that is why JWs hold onto that celebration, one of only two throughout the year.

Honestly from me, I dont think you have a chance. Great if it works.

There is his side, her side and the truth. I wonder about the truth. You say you have been overzealous. Is it overzealous? Some extra zeal to a God? To yourself, admit whether you have been controling, abusive,(and there are many forms of abuse) or jealous. Something about YOURSELF that has driven her away. Work on that. It will help you in the future with someone else(maybe a JW woman) or your wife if it isn't too late.

I know JWs dont believe in luck, my wish for you is joy and happiness achieved with a minimum amount of pain and sorrow for you and your children.

DJK

jgnat

Here's a story that just might make you smile. A friend of mine, very outgoing, is married to an introvert. When he gets mad he just stops talking and sulks, sometimes for days. She developed a plan guaranteed to get him to talk. She'd follow him around the house saying, "Was it when I knocked over the garbage can parking the car? No? The burnt toast this morning? No? How about when I forgot to let the cat out?" She would keep going until he opened up. She claimed it worked like a charm.

I note also that you two are on different shifts. How long has this been going on? Separate shifts is really tough on a relationship. My married friends who have been through it tell me they at times they felt like ships in the night.

I just don't understand

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