I just don't understand (page 6)

fedorE

"I guess what I don't understand is how someone who has been around the Truth for so long (we were both also raised in the truth when we were kids) could turn to the world and its desires. She also told me that she needed to be happy and that being on her own would help her do that." I DID THE SAME THING TO MY EX WIFE. BUT I DIDNT LOVE HER. I MARRIED CAUSE I FELT I HAD NO CHOICE. I WAS A VIRGIN AND MARRIED AT 22 FOR 6 YRS. I WAS RAISED IN THE TRUTH AS WELL AND IM BETTING, LIKE ME, SHE FEELS THAT SHE MISSED OUT ON A LOT. SHE WONT BE COMING BACK. YOUR WIFE IS CONFLICTED. CONFUSED AND LOOKING FOR HAPPINESS, CAUSE SHE DIDNT FIND IT WITH YOU. The only thing for you to do is #1.to focus on your kids and #2.USE the religion as a source of strength as it sounds like you love the truth as taught to you by the religion, anyways, Dont rush anything. You reserve the right to change your mind at anytime.

AudeSapere

BTTT - for the evening crowd and because I really do hope that ttc99 comes back.

-Aude.

Junction-Guy

Im so sorry you are going through this. I too have had my share of marital problems.

I have one quick question---If you were born into the organization, then why havent you been baptized yet? How have you been able to manage putting off baptism? and why?

changeling

I'm very sorry for the painful situation you are in. I see you have received some very sound advice on this thread. However, I do not understand why you are seeking advice from a site that consists of mostly former witnesses when you are on the path to baptism?

changeling

AudeSapere

However, I do not understand why you are seeking advice from a site that consists of mostly former witnesses when you are on the path to baptism?

Maybe because there are all types of people here and there really is no other place to go to ask some questions. Here he can the views of women, too. In the cong it might be more difficult to ask.

I really do hope he returns. Or that his wife finds this site...

-Aude.

BlackPearl

part of me says let her go

Uhhh...I think she's already let YOU go. I'm sitting here reading this thread, and I'm thinking, what's wrong with this picture? Here's a guy who wants to get baptized, but he's been to enough meetings and read enough magazines to know that websites like this one "are the devil's workplace", yet he's continues to post here. Why isn't he doing all of this consultative work with the elders if he's so confident that they've got all the answers, yet he seeks answers here.

Hmmmm, this one's not adding up. You're saying maybe you should "let HER go"?

BP

(Of the...handwriting is on the wall...class)

mentalclearness

I'm going through a divorce as well..I have three kids...My husband had the same avoidance symptoms as your wife...not wanting to spend any family time together..not wanting to go to meetings or go to elders for help..turns out he had cheated on me..was going out with friends from work and getting drunk and had some "encounters"...

At first it was really difficult...mostly because of the betrayal..I was married more than nine years..He was my friend and I would have preferred he just would have left and been honest instead of being disloyal and then fessing up..he did eventually and got publicly reproved, but hasn't been back to a meeting since...

in my case he wanted to get back together..he hadn't fallen inlove or anything..but i really couldn't imagine ever trusting him again..and all i could see was a future of misery next to him...now, we actually have a good relationship..i get along better with him now than i ever did married to him..go figure...

damage control for the kids is the key here..try to keep things controlled for the kids sake...and they need a strong father to look up to..you can't break down...they will need you...I'm so sorry this is happening to you..I really do know how painful it is..but someone once gave me some really good advice..they told me that sometimes you have an idea of how you will be happy...but circumstances change and you might be happier in a different scenario than you thought...

I am much happier now than i ever was married..sad but true...but if you would have told me that a a few years ago i would not have believed you...

be strong hun!!!!

mentalclearness

I'm going through a divorce as well..I have three kids...My husband had the same avoidance symptoms as your wife...not wanting to spend any family time together..not wanting to go to meetings or go to elders for help..turns out he had cheated on me..was going out with friends from work and getting drunk and had some "encounters"...

At first it was really difficult...mostly because of the betrayal..I was married more than nine years..He was my friend and I would have preferred he just would have left and been honest instead of being disloyal and then fessing up..he did eventually and got publicly reproved, but hasn't been back to a meeting since...

in my case he wanted to get back together..he hadn't fallen inlove or anything..but i really couldn't imagine ever trusting him again..and all i could see was a future of misery next to him...now, we actually have a good relationship..i get along better with him now than i ever did married to him..go figure...

damage control for the kids is the key here..try to keep things controlled for the kids sake...and they need a strong father to look up to..you can't break down...they will need you...I'm so sorry this is happening to you..I really do know how painful it is..but someone once gave me some really good advice..they told me that sometimes you have an idea of how you will be happy...but circumstances change and you might be happier in a different scenario than you thought...

I am much happier now than i ever was married..sad but true...but if you would have told me that a a few years ago i would not have believed you...

be strong hun!!!!

Apostate Kate2

Keep in mind, ttc, the conversations are not over. I don't think she's figured that out yet. There's custody to consider, visitation, raising the boys, dozens and dozens of things to talk through.

This is so true. Whatever happens from here on out you must focus on being her friend for the childrens sake.

Also I don't think she is having an affair. If she were I don't think her mother would be supporting her in the divorce. It may be that she does not feel safe emotionaly with you and the trust is gone. Sometimes when we are active in the organization and making more meetings than our spouse we can get a bit self righteous and judgemental without realizing it.

Welcome to the forum. Sorry for the pain you are going through. Hope you get the support system you need right now. There are many kind people here that can relate to your pain.

~Kate

I just don't understand

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