Is JWD a healthy place to be for those who have left the Watchtower? (page 3)

OUTLAW

AK-Jeff..Alot of people still have family in the JW Cult..The WBT$ is shoved in their faces on a daily basis...OUTLAW

I guess to me this is not a black or white question but rather a matter of personal preference. Each person here is here for a different reason, some may be similar to others, but each of us take w/ us our own experiences. Each of us heals in a different way. There is no right or wrong. I do understand that for some people here it has allowed them to move beyond the WTBTS. But I could see where some people might find it more mental bondage then mental health.

LearningToFly

Excellent post Jeff, your response to the letter said it all. Having left long ago physically, it too years to leave mentaly. The healing of the psychological spiritual abuse did not truly begin though until I joined this forum.

I appreciate being here, reading members experiences and thoughts helps to put it all into perspective.

LTF

WTWizard

I believe that everyone that has spent any time in the cult has been affected permanently. At the very least, they have memories about what the cult has done to them or others they have seen. And most, if not all, have had some share in spreading the scam.

Boards like this help with those who have been harmed more seriously, as well as those who have seen others being harmed. For sure, they are useful in warning prospective joiners about what awaits them if they do join. They also give those of us who have helped spreading the fire a chance to undo the wrong they have done by warning others of what they are in for if they come in, or by helping someone who stumbles on the site to see the way out.

greendawn

I don't think that most people spend their entire waking time or even an excessive amount of it on the JWD. The ones that spend a lot of time are doing it most probably to help others get over the WTS spell.

BizzyBee

I have a problem with the "more integrated than thou" approach - it is simply the flip-side of the WTS guilt trip. For those who 'move on' - and quickly - good for you. The JW experience did not harm you as deeply as it did some of us. I do not judge you - please do not judge me. I believed and tried to live what I was inculcated with as a JW - and it ate up the most important years of my development and maturation. Some were always on the fringes and thus escaped the more harmful effects. I envy you now. But please respect that there were many of us who experienced it very differently.

nvrgnbk

I have a problem with the "more integrated than thou" approach - it is simply the flip-side of the WTS guilt trip. For those who 'move on' - and quickly - good for you. The JW experience did not harm you as deeply as it did some of us. I do not judge you - please do not judge me. I believed and tried to live what I was inculcated with as a JW - and it ate up the most important years of my development and maturation. Some were always on the fringes and thus escaped the more harmful effects. I envy you now. But please respect that there were many of us who experienced it very differently.

Perfectly stated, BizzyBee!

Simon

The discussion board features individuals that have 3 to 6 years on the board and individuals who have left the organization more
than 10 to 15 years ago.

At this point, can I say that I have really left the organization if I spend most of my waking time discussing an organization that I know is false?

I think this is a valid point. I don't think some people really did leave.

I'm starting to think that there is a real difference, possibly psychological, between people who chose to leave and those who are kicked out ... and not because of being kicked out because of disagreeing with doctrine or practices but because they just didn't measure up to the standards (like it or not, you can't deny that the WTS sets some standards on behavior).

I could point to people who 'left' 20+ years ago and still define themselves as being 'exJWs' (or just JWs?) ... they spend every waking minute on forums, their friends and acquaintences seem to be exJWs, they even go on vacation and combine the two - travelling around visiting other exJWs like some wannabe travelling overseer!

Psychological problems? I think so. They never really left and they know they were kicked out because they weren't good enough which probably explains the bitterness ...

Now, before people get offended by this I would point out that not everyone who 'stays too long' has issues. Some people stay around the community for exactly the right reasons - to help others and support people via their experience. Typically however, they do not exhibit the obsessive tendencies that those above do - they have friends and interests and a life outside of the exJW community and it does not consume them in an unhealthy way.

Most people should move on eventually though when they are ready and this is healthy. Of course, the time people need the support of the community of people who understand will vary from person to person and their experiences so we can't put a hard and fast limit on what is good and what is bad.

The main thing is that people stay around for the right reasons and people move on for the right reasons and when it is time. It would be a shame to still really behave like a JW at heart ...

restrangled

Everyday, that I read, write, think and talk about the Watchtower Society makes me think whether or not I have really left it for good.

I fail to see the good in reliving the past in this way.

Isn't the bigger question, has the WTS thinking left you? If you leave the WTS, but continue thinking like a JW then you haven't totally left.

There's a difference between reliving the past and sorting through the past. If you relive the past, and try to spare your ego, you may concentrate on trying to minimize the negative effects of the WTS experience in order to make yourself feel better about getting involved in the first place.

If you honestly sort through the past, then you may have to come to grips with the fact that you were mislead and that to some extent (whether willingly or unwillingly), you had a role in that.

There are some gigantic egos on this board, however you have to give them credit for sucking up and admitting that they were duped. An enormous amount of humility had to go into that realization.

The healing that takes place on this board has more to do with facing the reality of what actually happened, as opposed to minimizing the effects of the WTS in order to save face. For that reason this board will always have a place. I think it is imporant to actually come to grips with what happened, so that you don't allow it to happen again.

My wife thinks very differently than she did before coming to the board in regards to what she was taught growing up as a JW. I attribute that to this board and you fine people.

R's hubby

AK - Jeff

Simon - I think your points are valid - but there is an aspect that is being overlooked IMO.

Time!

Those who became adult humans, and lived the early, and even mid, and sometimes later years of life, as Jw's perhaps cannot forget and move on. Just what the hell do you do now? Your entire life up to this point was revolved around a single lifestyle that has evaporated now.

Leave at 20 or 30 and you still have some 'formative years' left to develop. And while those who leave later still can adapt to life outside - it is far more difficult to do so. Analogously, it might be likened to moving to the moon because the earth is ruined and polluted and won't support life. Still the life behind was what formed us. We don't yearn to return to the burnt cinder we see now thru the sky - but all of our memories and past are there nonetheless. Those who are born on the moon have a hard time understanding our confusion. To a lesser extent those who left with plenty of youth remaining have a hard time understanding too.

Still - that said - it is a much healthier place to be if we become less dependent in time and grow from the experience here.

Jeff

Is JWD a healthy place to be for those who have left the Watchtower?