I could leave this forum anytime, but I chose to be here because I have some friends here. If they leave, probably I would leave too.
Is JWD a healthy place to be for those who have left the Watchtower?
by AK - Jeff 57 Replies latest jw experiences
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nvrgnbk
I think the amount invested has much to do with the way one handles their exit.
Some admittedly never paid attention at meetings, read literature, or had any real interest in field service.
Some of these left the organization in their teens.
Some fitting the above description still feel a need or desire to post here, many years, sometimes decades after the fact.
Some here never even were JWs but care about the people that come here.
Others were deeply involved.
Pioneers, ministerial servants, elders, Bethelites, workers on construction projects of different kinds, assembly administration, etc.
Seeker4 and ImFreeNow are a couple that come to mind.
I think we were all damaged more than we realize.
Some brush it off.
Some have more difficulty doing so.
As stated in some of the above posts, some really want to be here for the lurkers and newbies.
Thanks for creating and maintaining JWD, Simon and Angharad.
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KW13
Definitely.
People who are ex-witnesses thrive on seeing answers before them, me included. Its a comfort to know your not crazy and it provides a solid base when your lacking one. It allows people to question without consequences.
Of course its addictive but i know that everyone will move on one day.
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B_Deserter
Those who leave the Watchtower Organization leave for two reasons: fleshly and intellectually. The fleshly group are the teenagers we saw in our halls getting involved in drugs and sex and getting disfellowshipped. They were already hanging out with "worldly" people and were never into the organization enough to expose the lies in the first place. Most people in this group still believe the witnesses have the truth, but they just don't want to live up to the "moral standards" the church demands.
The second group are the ones who left for intellectual reasons. A lot of us were much farther into the religion than the first group. We were the "goody-two-shoes" witnesses, the ones would would rat out our friends if we knew they slipped up. Like faithful little lambs, we avoided "worldly association" like the plague. We wrapped our entire lives into the witnesses, either because we were once convinced of their arguments or born into the religion. When we became disillusioned, our world literally crashed in on us. We had no friends, and our relatives cut us off completely. If that wasn't the case, we started a fade that went on for years or is even still going on. We let the society destroy our social skills and trap us. We're damaged and we need support. I don't mean to sound judgmental, but a lot of the people who don't post on these boards quite frankly had an easy time leaving. They already had a social network and friends. They assimilated just fine. They're a different breed of ex-witnesses and don't need support like we do.
That said, I don't mean to sound like I'm pigeon-holing everyone's experience into these two categories. Obviously there are people from the first group on this board, and people from the second group that aren't. But as a general rule, I think this holds true.
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educ8self
I guess in short; the social dynamic is to me much larger than it appears on the surface. And though it could be considered a 'waste of time', what other activities in life could not be labeled the same, depending on one's persective?
I will offer one perspective, which is certainly not specific to JWD. The criteria I would go by is simply that it becomes redundant. Whether you are talking about intellectual growth, psychological healing or whatever, the human tendancy is that we revisit the same over and over, whereas the opposite is to allow change. It is only logical that one would spend a lot of time here when the JW life took a long period of their past.
And as far as one's own progress is concerned, I would say that it's more important to do this kind of self reflection rather than going by any arbitrary timeline - which is at best a generalization and not necessarily applicable to the individual. (are you going to identify "the day and the hour"? sorry.. ;) After all, even if you forced yourself to leave you might miss it, but if you are working on yourself it might come about naturally as a result.
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Lady Lee
I left the WTS long before I got on the internet. It was hard going.
Getting on the net and finding JWD was a support line - a huge one. I feel sad for those who don't find a way to hook into the support here.
How long should someone stay?
That depends on them.
Why they stay?
That depends on them too.
Generally people leave when they need to, other interests, life interests. JWD is here and hopefully will be for a very long time
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Finally-Free
Before I joined the JWs in my mid 20's I lived a bit of a wild life. Once I joined the JWs, I noticed many of them got annoyed with me whenever I related an experience or important life event that took place before I was a JW, Even my spouse criticized me because she felt I should not speak of my pre-JW existance, as though it never happened. She even destroyed the one photograph I had of myself and the friends I grew up with in my pre-JW existance. However, I refused to pretend that part of my life never happened. It's a part of my personal history. It's a part of who I am, and I won't erase it for anyone.
I was a JW for 20 adult years - what should have been the best and most productive years of my life. I will pay for the decisions I made as a JW for the rest of my life. That is inescapable. While I no longer have any JW beliefs and no JW family members, my 20 years as a JW is still a part of who I am. Spending 20 years in an abusive cult can cause a person to view things from a perspective that many people don't understand. To be honest, I wouldn't wish that understanding on anyone. Once again I have family and friends that don't want to hear anything about that part of my life. I see their eyes roll every time I mention anything about my life that predates the year 2003.
As shitty as some of it may be, my life experience is a part of who I am today. I will not erase any part of my life or pretend it never happened for anyone's convenience. I don't necessarily keep picking at the scabs to ensure the wounds never heal, but sometimes it's nice to interact with people who can understand what I'm saying instead of looking at me as though I have multiple heads. That's why I come here.
W
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troubled mind
My two cents ..... Having been raised in the truth and only faded after 44 yrs. I do think it may take some time to "get over it " I am so glad this forum existed when I began my fade . It truly helped me understand I was not alone or crazy. I think we all go through stages , as in grief . Everyone here is at a different stage, and need to see there is hope on down the road . Some are at the same stage with someone else at the moment and find comfort and support in that too. I appreciate the ones that have been here awhile, because they usually can point out the pitfalls coming before newer ones may realize it . I now come here for different reasons than when I first posted . At first I was afraid of what may lie ahead and I really needed daily support . Now though I just seem to like to see how everyone is and follow the posts of people I feel a friendship with . Eventually I hope to move on though, and not think about JW stuff everyday .
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startingover
Lots of great posts on this thread.
Everyone's situation is different. If my wife and most of my family ever leave the JW's, maybe my perspective will change.