I have this concern about fading. My fade is calculated and very successful as far as
avoiding a judicial committee for apostacy. I faded fast, but have avoided arguments
with any elders on doctrine. That wasn't easy. I dropped service quickly and wasn't
hounded by the BOE to get out there. I dropped meetings altogether at the right
time, and haven't been bothered by the BOE. It's been great seeing that they have
no answers, and I think it's helped the wife to see that they really don't do their jobs.
Here's my concerns- my mother is not totally aware of the extent of my fade. I have
told her things, but she puts her blinders on and acts like everything is fine. I told her
I didn't go to the DC, I told her I stepped aside as an elder because of differences with
the WTS way of doing things. My mother just seems to forget that, and act like I am
a faithful JW and everything is fine. If I push any, I will blow the fade. I cannnot tell her
the things I know and maintain a fade.
While my wife is really fully knowledgeable about my concerns and the fade (except I
don't read apostate literature directly in front of her or post to JWD while she is in the room
to look over my shoulder) and she ignores it like the 800 pound gorilla in the room. We
occasionally have words where I do speak quite freely, but they are getting less and less
frequent.
If I were to stop pretending, I could easily get a JC started up as soon as the elders want
to shepherd me (assuming these guys ever do). I could speak to my mother's husband and
I know I could convince him in about 30 minutes that his wife is in a mind-control cult. Even
if she feels duty bound to shun me, her husband would keep in contact for her. The problem
there would be that he would try to jerk her out of the religion, confirming her notion that the
world is in Satan's control, and that the JW's were right about all that demon/Satan/fear stuff.
I feel that my wife would see my sincerety and the poor treatment from the elders, but again
there is that "Satan's control" stuff. She might dig in to her faith deeper than before.
Recently, many have praised my fading efforts and asked for my advice. As you can see, I am
a mess like the rest of you. I fade for my wife and mother, and do it so they don't get deeper into
the JW's. I don't have all the answers. I want to end the fade, but find it might be worse if I do
so. I would love to get involved in local politics (not as a candidate, but involved) and while I am
no longer desirous of a "spiritual life," I would enjoy partying on holidays and joining in festivity
with non-JW family. I can do some of that, but only on the sly side. I would enjoy going to
apostafests and meeting the exJW's freely- even planning trips to do so. I cannot do the latter
things mentioned at this time. I have sneaked here and there to meet a few of you, but that's it.
So, I will probably keep fading and allow the madness to continue. I post much because I am
bitter much. I was writing a book on fading called FADING FROM THE TRUTH: ESCAPING
FROM JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES WITHOUT LOSING YOUR FAMILY. I decided to drop the book.
I cannot recommend fading to a large number of you. Even if the book was successful, I would
have to hide my authorship. (By the way, those of you who submitted your lifestories, sorry I
cannot complete the effort. Feel free to post them with or without the anonymous factor I put in.)
Two of my biggest helps were Garybuss and Johnny Cip who basically told me how I should walk
away without fear of losing my wife. It would be a marital problem and not a religious one if my wife
ratted me out. Well, she didn't rat me out. But often it will happen, so how can I write to others that
they can avoid that happening. I forget who it was specifically that helped me to see that I didn't
have to have a confrontation with my BOE, but generally the entire JWD did that for me, so as I
recommend that for others, it is not of my own originality.
Anyway, thanks for reading. I hope people like Flipper and Open Mind see that I am a mess just like
everyone else (some more, some less). You can take my advice when it fits, but really, I don't know.
This rambling was necessary for my sanity. Mainly because of my putting the book aside (of which I
have written a few chapters already) Your comments are greatly appreciated.