To continue fading or stop the madness!!! (page 4)

flipper

Hey OTWO, Mr. Flipper here. Hey I realize you are going through what we all go through and like other posters that I like reading, Snakes, Minimus, Nvr, and others too numerous to mention, I enjoy your posts due to your honesty. I guess that's why I have valued your opinion. I know you're not perfect. We are all struggling in this together after leaving the witnesses. It's kinda like a family support group thing in which we can all empathize with each other and be strong for one another, that's how I look at it anyway.

I noticed you mentioned your mom as being a concern and thought I might share a little of my experience for you. I've been faded 4 years now and I still get along swimmingly with my mom also. I have been able to open up about some things with her, the child molestation settlements, societies view of education since my son is in college, but as Minimus said I give out this info in discreet increments or gradually , and always with a respectful view. In time having done that she has gradually accepted that I don't want back into the witnesses. I even told her about my anti-witnessing for 30 minutes to the p.o. and his wife about child molestation. So she's cool with it.

That being said, however, I do have relatives who won't even acknowledge me, even though I'm just faded, not dfed. My self righteous ex bethel elder brother is Mr. Dubby organization man and involved with the California building committee. Also my ex gilead graduate sister, who won't even acknowledge me. So I guess I'm trying to say ,you are going to get different responses from diffeent people, depending on how deeply indoctrinated they personally are. Might be the same family, but diffeent views of the witness committment. Case point- my mom. Yet her husband, my dad's an elder. Go figure.

So my friend keep your chin up! As others have said, we have been through this. I know it can be a downer at times. But one thing I have found. The sun still rises each day and gives us an opportunity to find happiness in things, somehow. Just be true to yourself guy, love that wife, support her, and if you ever want to talk, hey you have my phone number, I was raised from birth in this thing, have been through a lot myself. Remember, we are your friends. Peace to you from, Mr. Flipper and Mrs. Flipper

AK - Jeff

OTWO, my friend, I never believed I would see the title of this thread with your name beside it. WOW is all I can say.

Basically my view mirrors GaryBuss's. I cannot hold my tongue when I see wrong things. Knowing that about myself made it clear to me during my 3 years 'fade' - that it would eventually catch up with me. Besides, I was the worlds worst 'fader'. It is a miracle that I lasted three years before they backed me into a corner, and I DA'd.

I cannot advise you or anyone as to what direction to take from here - that is a call no one else can make - we all have differing circumstances. My gut feeling is that, based on what you have shared on the board, and what we have privately discussed, that you would likely come out pretty well in the end - though admittedly, it would likely be rough for a time. But I would not encourage coming out of the closet based on that of course.

What I can do, is speak of my own emotional well being [most of the time] with having come 'clean'. My wife came out with me, though she has not DA'd as of yet. And that is HUGE. But I do believe in my case that I would have done it just as I have done it again, even if she did not agree and stayed active as a Jdub. Of course in our case the 'discovery process' was mutual, and so every step of the way was in harmony really. Not all marriages work that way. My mother died shortly after we stopped attending meetings, and since she was inactive, she really had no idea that we were not faithful dubs. Then a year later, my only brother, a dyed-in-the-wool JW died also. That left only a few relatives inside. My 'fade' was primarily for the hope that I could coax my dearest friend out also. That didn't happen.

But from a personal perspective, I am so happy that I DA'd. I hang the Flag on my porch. I have registered to vote and will this spring. I celebrate the holidays openly. I don't play any games with what I am now - "I am NOT a Jw" should be tattoo'd on my ass. And it feels wonderful to not play any games. I would not have it any other way - I don't do 'double-life' well.

Either way. One way we have to meet under Sue, the other we can BBQ out in the open while watching the fireworks and discussing the upcoming election. Your mother and wife might or might not be in the pictures we take. As far as 80% marriage failure - that seems very high to me - but not an insignificant part of the puzzle.

Whatever you decide - just know that in any way I can, I shall support you in that choice. Who knew, when we joined this crazy religion that one day we would have to make such ludicrous choices?

Always Your Brother - Jeff

onacruse

In my experience:

Fading is like taking morphine for cancer.

No offense intended to anyone who has posted above, or who has read this thread and feels differently.

In retrospect, the best thing I could have done is to have left Bethel (as I did), and never again attended a KH: done deal, gone, go to college, and lived at least a half-way normal human life, instead of pissing away another 30 years of my life in a wasted effort to recapture and imaginary past.

OnTheWayOut

Mr. Flipper and Onacruise, I suppose I can continue the madness for a little longer. I haven't faded as long as some of you and I am certain that I can still say, "Well, I gave it a good try."

I will try to not "piss away" time by letting the fade be too controlled. I have to be myself. I will still (for now) not flaunt any apostate things in front of the wife. I will take the advice to "just be true to yourself guy, love that wife, support her..."

Jeff- some of my words mixed with some of your words tell me that I must continue the madness. I said it could be worse if I reveal my true total feelings to the wife and mother. You said "My 'fade' was primarily for the hope that I could coax my dearest friend out also. That didn't happen."

So for now, I must fade. I must not fly the flag or register to vote. I must give it a try. I will share moments with the confidantes in my family and I will post on JWD while I am still a bit bitter at the WTS. The book is behind me, but there may be a different one in my future. In the spirit of keeping my marriage, I have taken vacations with the wife and I love those vacations.

I sent Jeff a list of places I have seen in my lifetime. It is quite extensive. I will continue to add to it. Life really is good.

I cannot say that I will never doubt the fade. I cannot say that I will never quit the fade. For now, I will continue to try to reach my mother and my wife. I think I am making headway with the wife. That's good news.

Thanks guys. I will keep reporting my progress and problems. I will take those occasional breaks, but come back again.

onacruse

OTWO, I wish you nothing but the best, and may your efforts prove more successful than mine.

btw, taking breaks is a good thing, eh?

Craig (of the often-takes-breaks class)

nvrgnbk

Not judging you.

Not telling you what to do.

Not thinking I know better than you.

Just speaking as a guy that likes you...

leave already!

Every moment you stay, you risk suffering more psychological harm.

Having said that, I'll support you in whatever you do, OTWO.

I know it's not easy.

AK - Jeff

For now, I will continue to try to reach my mother and my wife. I think I am making headway with the wife. That's good news.

It's all about priorities and timing. As you said, life is pretty good right now. That ain't all bad. No need to move faster than is sensible given those priorities. Until they change, or you outgrow them, keep the pace that works. So for now - it is Sue.

Jeff

theMartian

Sorry, Onthewayout- I think you're being WAY over dramatic! All you have to say is that you're not interested anymore- and no problems will arise! What do you want to do? Become Catholic? Baptist? Mormon? If nothing else, thru the Brotherhood's Bible Study program you can see THEIR decepton!

I see some of the ridiculous things said by the GB- and just ignore & chuckle at them- since I can't change it. However, it's because of the Truth (seperate on it's own) and the wonderful people of faith in the congregations that I stay; it's just as Christ said; "Where 2 or 3 are gathered in my name"...

Am I missing something?

Agape!

nvrgnbk

You know I love you, MadMartian.

You say the GB says some ridiculous things.

Agreed.

Why, though?

Can't Jehovah do better?

AK - Jeff

Sorry, Onthewayout- I think you're being WAY over dramatic! All you have to say is that you're not interested anymore- and no problems will arise!

Mad - I love ya' brother. But are you familiar with the organization of which we are speaking ?

And as far as being over dramatic goes - many thousands have lost thier family in the mire of daring to leave the organization. Read former Circuit Overseer Ron Frey's book. It will break your heart.

Jeff

To continue fading or stop the madness!!!

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