To continue fading or stop the madness!!! (page 2)

OnTheWayOut

I don't usually address everyone individually. I noticed others do it so I will try.

Unique 1, just the "hang in there" is helpful. Thanks

Dagney, I think it will one day be very clear to me. I just hope I am not upset that after
wasting all those years IN the cult, I wasted a few more fading from the cult, and it becomes
clear that the fade cannot work. Well, maybe it will work.

Mum, good advice. I can list the "madness" that I will get either way.

Serg, it is great to hear your fade story there. My wife forgets tons of JW stuff without my
'elderly' reminders to her. And, no, the book is not going to materialize. I hate to think that I will
give such important sounding advice that backfires in many faders' cases.

Quietlyleaving, thanks again for a short fader story. The pretending does lessen. Just in the last
year, I have dropped virtually all pretending with the wife. She still hopes against all hope, but she's
coming around to realizing my change might be permanent.

Min, well, my last post above was for you.

Thanks so far for your shoulders.

Awakened07

I have this concern about fading. My fade is calculated and very successful as far as
avoiding a judicial committee for apostacy. I faded fast, but have avoided arguments
with any elders on doctrine. That wasn't easy. I dropped service quickly and wasn't
hounded by the BOE to get out there. I dropped meetings altogether at the right
time, and haven't been bothered by the BOE. It's been great seeing that they have
no answers.
Here's my concerns- my mother is not totally aware of the extent of my fade. I have
told her things, but she puts her blinders on and acts like everything is fine. I told her
I didn't go to the DC. My mother just seems to forget that, and act like I am
a faithful JW and everything is fine. If I push any, I will blow the fade. I cannnot tell her
the things I know and maintain a fade.
As you can see, I am
a mess like the rest of you. I fade for my mother. I don't have all the answers.
I want to end the fade, but find it might be worse if I do
so.

Are you me?

With the above changes to your post, we're pretty much the same.

I think you're a great help to the 'newbies' here. Even if we don't have all the answers (will we ever?), we know a thing or two that new faders or DFed or DAed ones don't.

I unfortunately don't have much advice to you though, as we're pretty much in the same place.

minimus

OTWO, I just want you to know if you need to talk, pm me if you like. I've been there, am there and so far I've been able to deal. Of course if a new directive came and they earnestly went after faders, I might be like Danny Haszard.

arker

I don't understand your fear of a JC happening. If they want to have one then let them. you don't have to be there or talk to them. They will make their own choice in the matter. I left and said so. they decided to DF me and that was the end of it. As for your wife, she is free to choose them or you or both. If she chooses them over you then maybe you would be better of with someone else.

I know it's a hard call but why fear them?

OnTheWayOut

Minimus, I was going to joke about the religion being the only thing keeping a woman
bound to you, but that is not fair. I don't know you. (Yet I did it sneakily anyway)
I only know that you are an inquisitive red dot. You are right. Nothing is guaranteed.
I doubt there are any kept records on this, but I read somewhere that 80% of those that
leave the JW's lose their marriage within the first two years of leaving. While I doubt the
validity of the number, it might be right or close. It just scares me to think of putting in
all the effort, then losing out anyway. Well, I can say I tried.

I have read books that tell you how to help someone else out of a cult or out of the WT.
They sound nice, but we all see that much of it doesn't happen. The JW often gets nothing
out of logic or emotion or anything. They just say stupid WT slogans like "wait on Jehovah"
or "the light is getting brighter." I cannot publish a book that makes fading sound realistic
for many, when it won't work for many.

OnTheWayOut

Awakened07, that was kinda creepy. You used my own words edited to fit your situation. Did you
learn that from the WT magazine? You forgot to put in the ellipses (...) to make it accurate and
throw in some scriptures after your personal comments. Seriously, I hope we can help each other in
rough times, since we are in the same boat.

Arker, if only it was as simple as you say. My first post said why I don't do that, yet I want to just
end the madness. I think that's the whole point of the thread. Thanks for the Devil's Advocate advice.
I actually get more out of such comments than people realize.

minimus

OTWO, I think you need to change the sequence of your opening sentence.

Just remember that no one can live YOUR life. Ask Gumby. He might not''ve pleased everybody but it's his call. He faded and went back! He felt like he needed to for family considerations. Maybe he'll come back. Maybe he won't. But the point is, he alone had to make the decision. ANYONE telling you what you SHOULD do, while not living your life, needs to realize that no one can express a magic formula and if you follow the directions, it equals all that is nice like sugar and spice. Real life isn't like that (for most folks).

OnTheWayOut

Open Mind, my good buddy- I don't mind being your Jiminy Cricket, but you do realize that J.C. could be wrong.
I just thought it needed to be said.

Awakened07

I shouldn't really say "we're pretty much the same"; I don't have a wife to worry about, so I can't put myself in your shoes. It was just that I found several things in your post that I felt we have in common. Then again, I guess a lot of people leaving the JWs have these things in common, like family members still on the inside.

I wish you luck no matter what you decide to do.

worldtraveller

My wife told me recently that if i ever joined this cult that a divorce would follow. Oddly enough it's the opposite I read in these postings. (For those that were following, my JW friend called me today and asked if I was available next week. My lecture on the evils of his cult did not stop him from calling. I believe money changes everything).

To continue fading or stop the madness!!!

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