Dare a married guy meet up with his teenage infatuation? HELP!

by aylesbury_lad 65 Replies latest social relationships

  • aylesbury_lad
    aylesbury_lad

    Almost 25 years ago, at 17, I fell under the spell of this gorgeous, sexy, blond sister from a neighboring cong'. I carried this crush like a pathetic puppy for almost 2 years, never summoning the nerve to ask her out. I deservedly lost the girl.

    Time passed and by 22 I found myself married and, for the most part, happy. We are still married, with kids (starting to leave the nest) and a dog and a settled life. I'm not complaining, it's good.

    Here's my problem.

    I joined an ex-jw list at meetup.com some years ago. I've never been to a meetup but I get the automatic updates when someone else signs up - and guess who just did?!

    I couldn't believe it when I saw her picture. We've exchanged a few emails and I told her about the ridiculous crush I had on her back in the early 80's. We've both moved on of course and there is no way I'd risk my marriage for some vain, ego trip to the past.

    I know the answer to my own question, of course I do. There's no sane advice you can give me that I wouldn't have offered to some other twit in my place just 2 days ago. But...I do want to see her, and it seems like she'd be happy to see me too.

    I'm in serious shit here aren't I?

  • avishai
    avishai

    As long as you're honest w/ your wife, no, unless she has reason to be insecure. If my S.O told me the same thing, I'd be stoked for them, and say, hey, that was a long time ago, you should at least say hi!!!

  • Gopher
    Gopher

    The meetups are in public. If your group normally has several people there, there should be no harm in seeing a long-ago acquaintance in that setting.

  • OnTheWayOut
    OnTheWayOut

    I agree with Gopher, the meetups are public. Do not, under any circumstances, make arrangements
    for a private meetup. Do not be the last ones to leave. Curiosity only kills a cat that does more than
    look. If friendship at the meetup blooms, keep it there. Show her pics of a wife and kids, tell her
    how they are great.

  • JK666
    JK666

    Be careful, dude! You have already let the cat out of the bag telling her that you used to be infatuated with her. If there are recipical feelings it could be dangerous.

    JK

  • AWAKE&WATCHING
    AWAKE&WATCHING

    From the tone of your post I personally think you could be putting yourself in danger emotionally.

    You sound like you are still "crushin' on her". That's understandable.

    Face to face could cause a lot of feelings to come flooding back and then what do you do with those feelings?

    Be happy that someone you care about is out and move on with your own life and your own family.

  • John Doe
    John Doe

    Sure, meet up with her. Just make sure to bring your wife with you. ;-)

  • Gopher
    Gopher

    I must add .... if you're already feeling uncomfortable or guilty about going, then maybe it's not a good idea.

  • Satanus
    Satanus

    There is some risk in meeting her. But, it might be the best thing, in order to lay the thing to rest. If you listen to your subconscious while you are there, you should be ok. By that, i don't mean for you to project yourself into the past. No but, pay attention to how you feel during each moment, and to what is happening. You guys are both different now than you were then. Keep in mind what you have now.

    S

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    My sentiments exactly, John Doe!

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