I need some serious informational help from EVERYONE! (page 5)

poppers

His secrecy about many things reminds me of how they withhold information from prospective converts when recruiting. Only later do you find out things that probably would have prevented you from converting. You are lucky you came here because you are being educated in a way that you wouldn't be otherwise. People who have been in your shoes are giving you lots to consider. From my time here I can only suggest you move on - the odds are stacked heavily against this relationship working out because of the indoctrination he's been subjected to even if he dumps the dubs.

Thedirtysecret

So, as an update, I wanted to say that I spoke with him today and our conversation was in heavy regards to his religion. He was explaining to me about how we have too many differences and it causes us to fight a lot and what not, which is true, but to the extent of if he would have been upfront about his religion from the get-go I would have understood everything we have faught about thus far rather than thinking I was in a crazy relationship where I always felt like "the bad guy." He even we as far as to say he was leaving me right now, not because of me, but because of him and the struggles he goes through mentally knowing everything, and anything we do together, starting with being together, is wrong is accordance to his religion. Which goes back to the whole I sincerely believe he doesn't want to be apart of it anymore, except for the sake of not loosing his family. Because it has always been his religion and it didn't matter than, it didn't even matter a week ago, but something happened to him and all of a sudden, it matters. I know why too, and it's a sad thing.

I feel terrible because his ex-girlfriend said to him before they broke up, "No one will ever love you or want to be with you because of your religion."

That was so sad for me to hear him say, because 1. I don't believe it's true. (because I love him and I know what his religion is, and I still want to be with him) and 2. I think it's sad that a previous girlfriend can prevent him from having a new relationship that works.

I couldn't imagine someone saying that to me. Does some of the stuff you people have said freighten me? Without a freaking doubt, YES! But sometimes there's a reason for everything and maybe I'm his out, maybe not, hell, hopefully I am not his "in" lol how freightening is that? All I am trying to say is that I care for him very much, and I do want to be with him. If his religion was so defining of him, he would have told me from the beginning, but it's not. It's his belief and not mine, and I have my own and I respect his (as crazy) as they are.

But I guess in the end now, it doesn't matter anymore -- because It's over.

4mylove

Secret,

I've always wondered if I knew then what I know now......I think I still would have married my JW husband. Granted when i met him he had been inactive for 2-3 years. Our life is wonderful. That is until the subject comes up. My inlaws are great people but they will never change. The only issue that has ever been a sore subject is this. My advice would be to not persue it until he has completely made up his mind only because you have a child. The arguments we've had on the subject have been heart wrenching and definately not something I would want a child to be involved in. I would not expose my child to a group of people with their 2 witness rule.

also be weary of the reasons why he would want to marry. There are still days that i wonder if my husband married me more out of love than to appease his parents because we were "living in sin". Ridiculous I know. But those are the facts. I know that he loves me as much as I love him and that he married me for those reasons, but doubt is hard to live with.

good luck to you.

Stay on this board, it can be a life saver if not sanity saver

4

AK - Jeff

Just one sentence.

He is a bigoted self-gratifying liar to you, and false to his religion, the likely most important things in his life.

Just one question.

What redemptive qualities does he have that has you so entranced?

Just one advisory.

You can do better. Religion is not really the issue, though it will play into any later part of the relationship. Run fast. Run hard. Save your heart for a trustworthy man of real integrity to something he stands for.

End of Fatherly Lecture.

Jeff

ferret

Welcome to the board Thedirtysecret. sorry to hear about your problem. You have been advised of the pro's and con.s of such a relationship but only you can decide what you are willing to sacrifice to make such a relationship work. (((((hugs))))) for you and all the best to you in the future.

bluesmurf92

Hi there. I'm sorry you're hurt. :(

By now, you've read dozens of posts warning you away from this guy. Not because of who he is, but because of his religion. For JW's, the most important thing is, are you a JW, or not?

I won't repeat what everyone else posted. But I will suggest you read it all over again. I think you're looking for someone to tell you how to make this work. But read what everyone's posted. It will be painful, but that's what people who KNOW about this have to say.

I hope you'll let them help you through this.

Satanus

You are doing the best thing, imo, by letting go of him. He may have succumbed to natural drives, there for a while. They led him into a relationship w you. Perhaps, now he is finally able to get his mind back into the control position, again. Jws are trained to always live through the mind, not the heart, the 'heart is treacherous' (that's in the bible).

The only way that it could have worked, was for you to convert to their religion. I doubt that it would be worth it. You sound way too intelligent and balanced to throw your life away for a cult. Be thankful that it only costed you a few months, and you escaped w some pain.

S

I need some serious informational help from EVERYONE!