Is it POOR PARENTING to raise a child into a religious faith?

by nicolaou 73 Replies latest social family

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  sweetstuff

  I don't think its poor parenting, as long as the parents in question teach their children that it's "their" beliefs and give them the freedom to ask questions and decide for themselves. Unfortunately, its often not the case.

  That being said, my kids are being raised with no religion yet I encourage them to look into things for themselves and have discussed a wide variety of beliefs with them (when they ask questions). I tell them it doesn't matter what mommy believes or anyone else, just what they believe. My nine year old is a borderline atheist, from her own observations. My seven year old believes in reincarnation in the same form as the native indians. I respect my children, so obviously I am going to respect their beliefs even at their tender ages.Why would I ever tell them, you are wrong, this is what you should think? To give them a moral compass? They dont' need religion for that, whatsoever.

  These belief systems will no doubt change as they age and grow, but for me, I don't think its a negative to raise them religionless. What I do instill in them is belief in themselves, good treatment of others, morals without religious burden of guilt attached. Teaching them principals of humanitarianism and self-growth are the highest paramounts a parent can have IMO.

  If a parent who has a faith choses to raise their child in it, with the mindset that they are passing on what they believe without dictating it is what the child is to believe, I have no problem with it. It's when a child is made to feel guilty or is chastised for expressing an opposing opinion or an original thought, that it becomes an issue in my eyes.
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  serotonin_wraith

  To anyone here raised as a JW- are you happy that you were taught armageddon was coming any day now and that you had to follow their religious beliefs in order to get into the book of life? I, for one, am not happy about it.

  I did manage to unindoctrinate myself in my late teens, but it wasn't a straightforward, easy thing to do. It took time. As a young child I wasn't able to see things from all sides, so I was held captive to what I was taught. I consider that mental child abuse.

  Being taught a set of religious beliefs is not the same as being told a fairy tale (apart from their content of course). One is presented as truth, the other is not. One has consequences for not agreeing, the other does not. One is seen as a nice story before bed, the other completely changes how we see the universe.

  I find comparing my religious indoctrination (or anyones) to a child being told fairy tales that can be dismissed easily, completely wrong. They're not even in the same league.
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  LittleToe

  I wonder if the areligious ever ridicule their children (with verbal and/or non-verbal communication) when they investigate religion and decide that they would like to follow a particular faith?
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  sweetstuff

  I wonder if the areligious ever ridicule their children (with verbal and/or non-verbal communication) when they investigate religion and decide that they would like to follow a particular faith?

  I cannot tell a lie, if mine wanted to become JW's, I would be on my knees, kicking and screaming NOOOOOOO, despite my belief that they have a right to choose.
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  LittleToe

  Seratonin:

  One has consequences for not agreeing, the other does not.

  Not many were raised the way that we were. The majority of the people in my community are religious but they are raised to appreciate education. Their parents hope they will follow their beliefs but they don't ostracise them if they don't. Its a little unfair to brand all of the mainstream religous with the behaviour of an extremist cult, especially if the only experience we have is that of a cult and a little armchair websurfing. Are they all bad parents?
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  serotonin_wraith

  If children are taught critical thinking skills then I can't see how they would be fooled by religion, but if they are, I wouldn't force them to listen to anything from me they may find offensive. Just as I don't force people now.
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  LittleToe

  Sweetstuff:
  Just like you, I have to confess that my mind is closed on the subject of certain groups. If I were to find my child engaging a cult I would make clear my opinion in no uncertain terms. Unfortunately there are many groups and aspects of life where there is good and bad mixed. I have to acknowledge that my parents raised me with some good values but being raised with the risk of being ostracised seems unconscionable to me now.

  Again, though, I find myself having to draw a distinction between the various ages and stages of childhood. We have far more control over what a child is exposed to. When they reach adulthood we move over into more of an influencing role, if we're fortunate.
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  serotonin_wraith

  To be honest LT, just telling the child one thing that isn't true is bad parenting to me. 'If you pray to god he will help you' may sound all nice and friendly, but I don't think it's a good thing to tell a child to talk to themselves if they're having problems- which is essentially what is being said.

  It's not just JWs who have laws about 'apostates'. You do NOT want to be a Muslim apostate in the Middle East.

  So while many religions aren't as dangerous as the JWs, I still see danger but in another form. One that isn't as obvious but still affects children.
• 

  LittleToe

  Seratonin:

  If children are taught critical thinking skills then I can't see how they would be fooled by religion, but if they are, I wouldn't force them to listen to anything from me they may find offensive. Just as I don't force people now.

  At what age would you teach them said "critical thinking skills"? While you state that you wouldn't force them to listen, would you still attempt to make your views known? What makes your views and framework of thinking better than theirs? I return to the thought that if our raising was so totally flawed in every aspect to the point that our thinking was compromised, what makes us think that our reasoning is so great now?? Parents are parents. They do their best in the circumstances that they find themselves. Often its their first attempt, especially with modern-day smaller families. There are precious few that set out to harm their children. Poor parents, good parents? How do you distinguish? What's the criteria? I'm struggling to find a well reasoned evidence-based response. For all the enlightenment it seems more to amount to an emotion-based antithesis to religion because of a single poor experience. When the light came on how did everything remain so very black and white? Is that the values we want to raise our children with?
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  ninja

  look ross its simple.....when you see your wee ones on the islands making straw dolls....put a stop to it at once.....you know they are only a kick in the arse away from wickermandom at puberty....btw hows xena....toast yet?........