To answer your question, no.
Warlock
Is it POOR PARENTING to raise a child into a religious faith?
by nicolaou 73 Replies latest social family
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LittleToe
HtA:I already have, throughout my posts on this thread and in that last post. At the very least its a framework of reference. It makes some sense to the chaos that is life (and death). Whether or not its the framework of choice for you is another matter. Nonetheless each and every religion attempts to do so.
As someone who works in the health sector and with a particular focus on mental health its something that I'm acutely aware of. It is used and in some cases abused, but in many cases it is efficacious. That isn't to say that folks with no religous beliefs are disadvantaged (I'm not making that claim) but many people find benefit from it, especially in terminally ill situations. It gives an approach to face life that is fostered in childhood and lasts a lifetime.
One of the advantages of it is that it is simple to employ and has a rich body of stories to suit most every situation. As humans we thrive on stories. They help us relate to concepts, from childhood to the grave.
You'll note that thusfar I've avoided broaching the subject of spirituality and whether or not the Divine is a reality. That's another subject entirely.
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Homerovah the Almighty
I think I 'm starting to understand where your coming from LT. I obviously do not know what faith you belong to and it probably doesn't matter anyways,
I just think it's possible to achieve the same types of goals as you are, but without interjection of spiritualism or very old social standards, as it has proven possible .
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LittleToe
I also think we're arrived on a similar page
I'm not suggesting for one moment that the only way to raise a child to become a healthy adult has to include a religous faith. I'm merely stating that if someone chooses to do so then it doesn't constitute an act of POOR parenting. Similarly I wouldn't dare to suppose that raising a child in an atheistic manner constitutes an act of POOR parenting.
I believe that the main thing a child requires is some level of consistency. Unfortunately that's not an easy proposition for any parent, though most genuinely strive to provide it. Even ours did!
I am, however, of the opinion that its difficult reconciling a position where an individual denigrates sectarianism while in the next breath applauds removing all exposure to religion from a child's upbringing. It just appears to be another face of intolerant exclusivitism, from my perspective. Besides, I can't help but think that it disadvantages a child to miss out on a significant segment of the rich cultural tapestry that every country possesses (from the West through to the Far East).
Just my 2p, night night
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Homerovah the Almighty
Good to chat with you LT
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Terry
There is nothing like actually rearing your own child to dispel all the notions one has about what works best.
I've had a go at it seven times.
None of my kids ever had a drug problem or wore a tatoo or had a child out of wedlock or had an abortion. They went out and wanted a job and their own place when they were eighteen without being "urged".
They stay in touch and never borrow money. None is religious. They each have children of their own. (Except the wee ones still not "of age", of course.)
They never got arrested or went to jail or had a fight in public.
None every disrespected me or used bad language in my presence.
I can't take all the credit, mind you; they are simply terrific people!
But, I didn't indoctrinate them. I pointed out the difference between believing and knowing early on. They marvelled that their peers were delusional about things like Santa when the proof was so silly!
They very quickly picked up on the fact that it takes social collusion to sell myths and make them "real".
They aren't jaded or cynical, but; they are skeptics who like to have some legitimacy conferred on what they hold to be workable opinions.
I think I did okay.
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SusanHere
Hey, Terry!
Guess what? This applies to me and my six children, too.
You said: There is nothing like actually rearing your own child to dispel all the notions one has about what works best. I've had a go at it seven times
I've had a go at it six times. We lost the seventh in midpregnancy following an accident.
You said: None of my kids ever had a drug problem or wore a tatoo or had a child out of wedlock or had an abortion.
None of mine did either.
You said: They went out and wanted a job and their own place when they were eighteen without being "urged".
All of mine did, too.
You said: They stay in touch and never borrow money.
Mine all stay in touch, visit often, and never borrow money except in a true emergency after which it is quickly repaid in full. They know they can come to us, or to one another in an emergency. We believe that's what being a family is all about -- being there for each other in good times and bad..
You said: None is religious.
Mine are ALL religious, for which I am very, very thankful. They are raising all of my grandchildren to be religious, for which I also give thanks.
You said: They each have children of their own.
Mine, too, except the ones just recently married.
You said: They never got arrested or went to jail or had a fight in public.
Neither did any of mine.
You said: None every disrespected me or used bad language in my presence.
I don't believe any parent can truthfully make that claim. Small children have tantrums and yell at their parents. All children try out bad words now and then for shock value and to see what will happen. Teenagers need to be disrespectful at times. It's part of maturing and separating from the role of child. The key is to help them through the rough stages, not deny it's even happening.
You said: I can't take all the credit, mind you; they are simply terrific people!
Guess what? So are mine!
You said: But, I didn't indoctrinate them.
I took mine to church before they were even born, after they were born, and until they left home. Funny, they never felt "indoctrinated". They liked everything about our church. They still do.
You said: I pointed out the difference between believing and knowing early on.
Yep, me too.
You said: They marvelled that their peers were delusional about things like Santa when the proof was so silly!
My children enjoyed believing in Santa and other fun parts of childhood fantasy when they were young. When they were ready, they freely gave it up. They had no difficulty understanding the difference between Santa, the Easter Bunny, and other childhood fantasy characters and actual religious facts. It wasn't and isn't confusing to them.
You said: They very quickly picked up on the fact that it takes social collusion to sell myths and make them "real".
Yes, my older children understood this concept. They loved to carry the childhood myths on with the younger children, and now with their own children. Healthy imaginations and belief in good imaginary characters are of benefit to a child. But they and their children know their religion is not a myth.
You said: They aren't jaded or cynical, but; they are skeptics who like to have some legitimacy conferred on what they hold to be workable opinions.
Yep, my children also learned how to know when something is real and when it isn't.
You said: I think I did okay.
I'm glad to hear that. I did really well, too. I guess we can both be proud of our parenting skills!
Oh, and of my six children, all six either have at least Bachelor's degrees or are currently in college and at least halfway towards their Bachelors. Two are full time military. Two are full time law enforcement. One has a computer science degree and is working his field. One is wisely using her degree to help her be a better mom to her own children. None obtained his or her Bachelor's from one of our church's colleges or universities. They all do very well in the real world and are well-rounded people with wide and varied interests both within and outside of the church community. They have wide social circles because of their open, friendly, fun-loving dispositions.
When we all get together, we have a blast!
Yep, I think my hubby and I did pretty well! I'm glad to hear you did, too. Our children would probably be good friends. Maybe they already are.
SusanHere
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LittleToe
These last two examples, from Susan and Terry, would highlight my point. Its possible to raise a child well with or without religion. Of course the reverse is also true. This would be why I believe that this issue is not a touchstone as to whether or not someone is a GOOD parent.
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fifi40
Little Toe.......if I may say..........you have a fine mind.....
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serotonin_wraith
LT:
At what age would you take that approach? The very young would likely be confused by it. They like certainty. They like to believe that their parents are invincible, powerful and always corrent. Until they reach their teens, that is
Children don't like their parents to lie.
On the subject of god, I would tell them nobody knows. I don't think I would have to give a definite answer to them, that would be lying. I would say I don't believe, but plenty do. I would tell them lots of people around the world believe in different gods, and there are gods that nobody believes in any more.