I am not sure if anyone has stated this TRUTH... but, believe it or not... the REALITY is... that most women dress... for other WOMEN. More often than not, it is what we see IN, ON, or ABOUT other WOMEN that drive our choices in personal presentation. Truly, more often than not, men are merely a secondary consideration, if anyone (beyond the woman herself), is considered at all.
On ther other hand, another TRUTH is that, more often than not, men look at women regardless of what they are wearing (unless, of course, they are wearing nothing!) as the majority of men look at the FACE... first. Regardless of the BODY, if she has a "pretty" face, she will be "attractive" to a man, because men are virtually always attracted to visual "beauty." Even a gay man (which is why some of them get involved with/get married to whatever particular woman they do, although I acknowledge that there are exceptions to every rule).
The initial attraction of the FACE is the purpose behind imposing the full abeyah in Muslim society. This is because a man can see a woman with every inch except her face covered, and based on that little bit of exposure begin to wonder what's under the garment (although not really caring too much if it's not what some would consider "attractive," as the imagination can make things be whatever one wishes them to be). However, if a man see's an "unattractive" body only, with no clue as to the face, he is almost assuredly to be disinterested.
After the face, body parts are next, of course, because, again, men are attracted to and by "visual" manifestations (which accounts for a great deal of their lack of faith - if they can't SEE it, they have a heck of a hard time believing it), and an "attractive" body, like an attractive face, like an attractive ANYTHING (think CARS)... is virtually irresistible. Just like women and shopping (again, acknowledging the exception to the rule): we often "can't help it."
Women should simply understand that if you make a visual presentation of some level of "attractiveness"... it is going to be looked at by men... AND by women! Thankfully, most (men and women) want only to look, but not touch (again, there are the exceptions, from both genders).
Men should simply understand (and woman should simply acknowledge) that women LIKE... to be LOOKED at! By other women as well as by men (and, actually, the by other women WAY more than by men - just like men like to compare their accomplishments with other men, versus with women). Men should also understand (and women really should acknowledge) that to achieve this end... being looked at... women will pretty much do whatever THEY feel they NEED to do to have that happen. BUT... that does not necessarily translate into wanting anything MORE than just being looked at.
Bottom line:
Gentlemen - Surely you understand that just because a lady wants to be LOOKED at doesn't mean she wants to be TOUCHED. Nor does it mean she even wants to be APPROACHED (actually, she most probably wasn't dressing for you or someone like you, but someone like her!). Both touching and approaching are unacceptable, unless you've been given some [very obvious] indication to the contrary. Great art is created to be LOOKED at, not fondled. And because "beauty" is SUCH a requirement of women in society, most of us try to present ourselves as "works of art." However, just because you can SEE the beauty of the Mona Lisa doesn't mean you get to fondle it... and it certainly doesn't mean you get to take it home! Really, it IS up to YOU... to control the... ummmm... "results" of your... ummmm... "attraction"... however, it may be manifested. If that means taking your leave, take your leave. If it means closing your eyes, well... you get the point. Best advice: Look. Go ahead. But do it DISCREETLY (if you can muster that)... and from afar... until you are INVITED to do otherwise.
Ladies - If you don't WANT to be looked at, then you might want to rethink making an "appearance." This can be accomplished by LOGICALLY considering your personal "presentation" in light of the possible outcomes that you DON'T want (i.e., Guys ogle exposed breasts; I don't want guys ogling my breasts; maybe I shouldn't expose my breasts). The contrary (i.e., guys ogle exposed breasts; I don't want guys ogling my breasts; I am going to expose my breasts anyway, but guys better not ogle them!) really doesn't work. Really, it doesn't. If, however, you DO make an appearance, you really should reasonably EXPECT to be looked at. Ogled, even, depending on your presentation. So what? So, just don't take it personally. You got what you wanted: looks. Bask in it. Otherwise, you really are being a hypocrite.
I bid you all peace.
A slave of Christ,
SA
