by oompa 47 Replies latest jw friends
Very good thread, thought provoking.
All I can say is...if your wife can respect whatever your new belielfs are, your marriage has a chance...If she can't well my friend....it will be only a matter of time before it unravels...Welcome to the Twlight Zone.
Oompa, I happy for you and sad for you! If only you could get her to open her eyes, but that is not an easy thing to do. My own twin daughters, that I love very much, seem like strangers to me. I can't say anything about the organization without appearing to be demonized or an evil apostate. It's so weird. . . How they were my loving daughters one day and now we're so distanced.
You keep hanging in there! Hopefully, a window or door will open!
Does he mean to stop posting on JWD? ...........No he means to stop trying so hard with my JW fam and friends....I have driven them all nuts
LOL! Good advice, then!
GGG
oompa,
May I suggest finding nonJw friends. Maybe you have a hobby, or somebody at work. This really helped our family in our trek out of hell. The change was barely noticable as far as socially goes.
What about an ex-jw meetup in your town?
momz
Okay, to stop trying so hard with other JW's before you have stability in your life- good advice.
I imagine even a firm apostate for years would be told to stop trying to change others.
It goes against cult experts' advice, but isn't so wildly out of the question.
I, personally will never give up on helping my wife and mother. I do back off before they get
tired of it, so a little at a time is good for me. You might need to do little or nothing for awhile.
Going to meetings for the wife- tons of folks here on JWD do just that. I can relate, although
I couldn't do it for more than a few months. Do whatever you want there. Ask your therapist
if he would go to meetings 3 times a week to hear lectures about therapy that he totally
disagrees with- FOR THE SAKE OF HIS MARRIAGE AND FRIENDS. Perhaps, he could
be forced to listen to Freudian or Jungian thoughts that he is certain are wrong. HOW WOULD
HE COPE.
If you think you can regain social standing with JW's, go ahead. I would never want to do so,
and I doubt that I could- outside of a couple of people. But that's me.
Everybody else will have strong opinions on this, but ultimately it is you that must decide what to do.
I'm just weiging in on the subject. I disagree that much good can come from attending meetings. It is a cult. It is serious business. To me it is like telling a drug addict to go do some experimenting and find good things about heroin. The meetings are a huge trigger for any e3xiting cult member. Attending them will just aggrovate the situation.
Oompa the problem I forsee is that if you start attending meetings for your own social reasons all the family and friends you have been outspoken with about your feelings re the religion are going to take it that you are back tracking and have shifted your view....Will it be difficult for you if one of those you have spoken to comes up and says something like they are glad you have seen the light and are back in the flock....
Fi
Your therapist needs one...go back to the group socially? Hell no... he don't have a clue, like you can be a "social JW" please!
And to advise someone to divorce, what the hell? How does he know what your saying won't sink in and then you'll have rescued the one you love from the idiots. What's his advice if your wife is drowning, hell let her go and get another one... I'm sorry I'm being so strong on this one, but it's clear he don't know his ass from a watchtower.... That's just another opinion, but he sounds like an idiot to me....
fifi: you have been outspoken with about your feelings re the religion are going to take it that you are back tracking and have shifted your view....Will it be difficult for you if one of those you have spoken to comes up and says something like they are glad you have seen the light and are back in the flock....
FIFI this is pretty funny.....one thing dubs are great at is NOT recognizing back tracking, flip-floping etc.... I could live with it, but the handfull of friends I would really enjoy would know the deal. I could not deal with more than a few meetings a month, but maybe I could just try it and see how it goes. I don't want to be lovebombed or anything though....oompa...i'm pretty lovable!
Divorce maybe the only way forward. It should not be discounted as a realistic option. Communication is paramount in enhancing understanding compassion and love in any relationship. And between some people the chemistry is not there - even morso when your faith prescribes your relationship. If you feel rejected and 'existing' now then maybe that is a sign of things to come. Time will tell but keeping thinking change will come when it has not for years on end is like waiting for the New System! Likely ain't gonna happen! So the possibility needs to be raised as a serious option for future happiness - unless happiness is being disregarded - in which case carry on regardless!
